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Barbb

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It had gotten really, really painful to come here and read about all the suffering, but uplifting to read about the survivors. Sadly, the suffering

got to be to much so I had to take a break.

My heart goes out to all who have lost a loved one since I've been "gone", it is shocking to hear how many have gone to our Lord.

This winter was so awful, as almost all of us experienced more snow, blizzard weather and being so trapped indoors. My son and his girlfriend couldn't come to Nebraska for Christmas because of the blizzard and I couldn't go to Omaha to my daughter's house so I had my gall bladder out on Christmas Eve morning:) At least I didn't have to spend Christmas Eve night alone. My wonderful neighbor picked me up the next day in another blizzard and brought me home, we live 20 miles from the surgery center.

After the horrible winter, I've tried to make a decision whether to sell my acreage and move to Omaha or Phoenix, I hate to make the wrong decision so I'm staying for a few more years.

Happily :) I am cutting my anti depressant meds down by 1/3 and feeling ok. Also, and better yet, the manic feeling that I have to do certain things around the "place" as Rod called our acreage, is gone. I do what needs done without the panic. When I go in the barn to look for some tool, or a nail or whatever,it hurts so much to go through his stuff, but going out to feed the cats or get logs for the woodstove is ok. Life is so strange, my mind is so strange.

Sorry for the long tale, I just want the newly bereaved to know, that a breath, a step, a decision is made and it gets easier to do that as the months pass.

My heart and thanks goes out to all of you who have been here for me and who are here now for support and love.

Barbb

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Howard died just two weeks ago and I find it almost impossible to leave the house. I haven't returned to work yet and find it almost impossible to think about going back into the same hospital where he died (we both worked at the same hospital).

I hate cancer and how it destroys families. My sister was diagnosed about 2 months ago with lung cancer. She is not in very good health and now finds herself fighting lung cancer. I still have to remain positive when talking to her but find it so hard to do now. I feel empty and almost numb inside except for that ever present pain in my heart for my wonderful husband Howard.

Bonnie

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  • 4 weeks later...

Barbb,

I am just getting around to reading your post. I think you are amazing. The very fact that you have come here to post, think of others, and to reach out is so comforting.

Recently, March 25, 2010, Bill died and the only thing that held me together - out of necessity - was the fact that Social Security had me dead, as well. :shock:

That promulgated a slew of mistakes reaching the heights of Medicare.

There was little time to think, cry, or vent. The problem had to be solved.

Spending 4 hours, physically waiting there, at Social Security fixed the problem, but it took weeks for the entire mess to be straightened. Part of it is still in flux.

In a sense, I thought to myself, "No matter what happens, life moves on and could care less where one is in the scheme of things."

Barbara

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I too was off the board for awhile just needed the "emotional break" from all the sufferring of my LC peeps here while I healed a little from my loss. Who am I joking ( I will never truly heal) but take a step each day out of bed and try and function for the roof over our head.

Bless You and your journey with this- may God grant the grace you need to manage through it and make sound decisions with your acreage.

Keep hanging in there

Marci

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Just a (((hug))) to let you know you are loved and in my prayers everyday. Being "away" from here is ok...taking care of yourself is essential...and we are here for you no matter what.

(((barb)))

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