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I can not log onto the internet without first coming here. It seems I have become addicted to this site. If so I can not think of a better thing to be addicted to. Over the past few months I have read and shared many heartaches and fears here. I don't know if what I am feeling now could be called healing but I know it can be called Hope.

I was so unsure of myself when I made the move here. Now when I get up each morning and look out my window my heart becomes so much lighter. I'm not sure if it is the place or the people who I have "met" here probably both. For the first time sense Johnny's death I can not only see but feel the beauty that surounds me.. I find so much peace in that.

This morning there is still a thin layer of ice on my car and the yard still has traces of the light snow that fell early yesterday evening. The sky is a deep crystal blue and the hills with the evergreens against that shy takes my breath away with the beauty I see before me. I have so much to be thankful for.

I still have to worry about finding employment in the next few weeks but that does not seem so overwhelming any more. I seem to feel Johnny with me now more than I have sense the first months after his death while I lived alone and heartbroken in a stange but beautiful place. Maybe he was there to help me through that and waited here for me to find both him and myself again. I can not know that for sure but I feel him and know that our love still exhists. That along with the beauty and serenity I find here help me to go forward. All of you give me the support and strength that I need to make it through the hardest times.. Thank all of you. I am very UP now but I know too that the LOW will come again and when it does I can count on the friends I have found her to pull me through.

My love and thanks to all of you once more. Let life continue and make us all stonger in the coming months. Lets keep working and hope that someday soon there will be no need for this section of the message board. Lillian

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I am the same way. I am on this board 4 or 5 times a day seeing what is going on. There are days I don't post a thing and then others I am writing up a storm. Not as well as you, but still putting my two cents in.

I am so thankful this board and web site exsist. I don't know how I would have gotten through those first very dark weeks after Randy passed. I tell everyone I know about this site.

I have to thank Donna G again. She is the first nurse we had when Randy was admitted to the hospital. She is the one who encouraged me to get on "board". Thank you from the bottom of my heart Donna. You truely are one of my angels here on earth. This board has been my life line ever since. The support and love here cannot be measured. I know it has saved me though.

Much love to all.


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