brokenarrow (Will) Update

[brokenarrow]

Hello My Friends!

Sorry I haven't been around. Not for a lack of love, but have had some trouble addressing the psychological ramifications of focusing on cancer. Right or wrong, that included websites and support groups that are focused around cancer. I'm a little better about it right now, today, which is a little strange because my SIL's husband wasn't expected to make through the night. I think his started out as bladder cancer. Anyway, I've been avoiding focusing on cancer so I haven't been around. Sure I get my check-ups and take my medicine. Just been focusing on life and living, being passionate about politics and family and stuff. As far as my health, I'm doing great. I'm working again. Been in the gulf for five weeks and supposed to go home today. I always seem to have some kind of drama going on. I need to go check on my mom, my stepdaughter needs my hugs, well, there's a bunch that need my hugs but she does a little worse. Today, my relief has a flat tire and will be late. That's a pretty big deal when you're in the gulf of Mexico. But that's where my focus is, (life's drama) and I'm doing well. I have a little different mindset about my cancer since my last episode. I had let myself believe that I might be cured until October and when that PET showed hot it was emotionally horrible. I won't allow myself into that trap again. My new mindset is that in all likelihood I will have another and another and another battle with this crap, but while I can I'm not living cripple because of it. I'll get my checks and take my medicine but I don't spend much time researching new treatments or otherwise really focusing on cancer. No way I can defend any argument that says I should do differently but that's where I've found some comfort and enjoyment lately. I do worry about y'all and other friends, each battling your own monsters. I pray for you, but I've run out of consoling words as I've come to realize they don't truly console much. Maybe this is all just a phase. I don't know. I love you all and I hope that each of you find peace in your own lives and comfort in your way of dealing with your drama.

God bless you!

Will

[jaminkw]

Will, thanks for checking in. I think all survivors understand the need to spend time away from all that is cancer. I certainly understand what you went thru when your cancer reoccurred. Like you, I was convinced I would beat the beast after my first round of chemo followed by my first remission. It's a year early May that it reoccurred and it was devastating. It took me six months or more I'm guessing to wrap my head around it. Like you, I now accept (at least I think I do) that I will likely go on fighting cancer all my life. However, in my second remission now I look forward to each scan with dread. Will it be so devastating this time if/when it comes back. Probably so.

For me Will, it's enough to hear from time to time that you are well and living your life. We know you have lots of family and responsibility and traveling away from home to work on top of that. I told you my husband Stan traveled much of our married life so I get that. Take care of you and yours and just check in now and then.

Judy in KW

[LovesLife]

Will - it is great to hear from you! It sounds as though you have found the way to deal with this that works for you - kudos! Wherever and however you find comfort and enjoyment in your life has to be the goal and it seems to me that you have found that. Phase or no phase, you are rolling with the punches and dealing with life and all the drama that comes with it - life - you are living it! Glad you checked in and have found peace in your life Will!

God Bless,

Hugs,

Linda

[Bud Baker]

Glad to hear from you, Will. As far as I'm concerned, there's never any need to apologize for or explain about taking time away from here, and everything else that's about cancer. Most of us have to do it.

[recce101]

Hi, Will, thanks so much for checking in. I understand what you're saying. For me I think it's easier to realize my cancer will never go away than it would be to think I've been cured and then have it recur. I did almost fall into that trap at about the 1-year point, when I was becoming convinced all the stuff that remained visible on the CT scans was just scar tissue. A PET scan shattered that illusion for good (and I mean that two ways).

I hope your wife is doing okay. Best wishes to you and your family.

Ned

[fillise]

Will,

It sounds like you have found the way to LIVE with your cancer. That sounds like victory to me! No need to apologize for wanting to focus on life instead of cancer. Just pop in to say hi from time to time because we love you.

Susan

[beatlemike]

Will. I 2nd what Susan has just said. Thanks for checking in.

[eric byrne]

Hi Will,

I am relatively new here,and have missed your previous mailings,I have found your message very thought provoking,and have

mentally re-drafted my reply to you several times,hopefully I can now justify my response to you.First I meet with my oncologist to-morrow pm,to discuss my CT Scan,hopefully nothing too serious eg "Mildly enlarged lymph nodes" "In the thyriod there are some structural changes".

You have now reached the point,where I think concerns all of us here,"What if my next scan shows up a hot spot?",how can one mentally prepare for that possibility?Probably with frustration ,anger and fear,there is a paradox with lung cancer,in that you feel full of health,and yet there exists a microscopic little *********** who wants to step in and spoil the party.

I appreciate this site for different reasons,including developing friendships with people with vastly different backgrounds,believe systems and cultures to my own.To learn about their life experiences,the places they live.To benefit from their cancer experiences in coping with my own.To give and receive support when required.

Your summation regarding "Consoling Words" is to me" beauty is in the eyes of the beholder".In one respect I think you are right that even in the strong bond of love between a husband and wife,the cancer patient can still feel they are on their own.Maybe its not to do with your feelings that are important when you pass on "consoling words"but more to do with the effect that your words have on the reciprocant,Ihope you can appreciate my remarks are well intentioned.Will,its a real pleasure to meet you,I wish you well in your physical and mental fight against this common enemy.I look forward to your future mails.

God Bless,

Eric.

[ts]

Will,

It is great to hear from you and why the absence.

I know after my one good scan, I had an "oh no, now what am I going to do with this life?" moment only to be a followed by the next scan with recurrence. Well, then I knew it wouldn't go away, but that I could hope for a good quality in whatever life I have. That's what I am trying to live. For me, getting away from cancer world is psychologically not possible, so I keep getting in deeper. That's why I am headed to the Lung Cancer Advocacy Summit later this month. We do what works best for each us, no apologies needed.

Stephanie

[Joppette]

Hi Will,

I'm new here too so I have to go back and read your story. But this I know, whatever feelings anyone here is having, are A-Okay. We all go through a myriad of emotions as we deal with this disease. My doctor told me a year ago that I am cancer free. And then he said "But that does not mean it's not going to show up in a new place in the future." Well, I knew that.

Several of my family members had lung cancer, and lost the battle. Emotionally, while I dread doing battle again, I will not be surprised if I'm told that it's back.

It's good to meet you, and I wish you all the best!

Judy in MI