Deborah VF Posted June 15, 2010 Share Posted June 15, 2010 Hey everyone.. My Name is Deborah, I am 51 from Texas and scared. I just wanted to introduce myself and try to get this journey off to a proactive start.. As it is not my nature to be out-spoken. I want to start by apologizingin advance for being so long winded just seems no short way to put it all together. I have been looking for about a week now for a message board or forum and so far, this one has by far been the most informative and supportive I have seen. And is exactly what I am desparatey needing right now. Last tues June the 8th, I went to the Dr after a few weeks of progessive back pain. I have a long hx of scoliosis and was suspecting that to be the cause. Was sent for an xray, which is where the nigtmare began.. The nurse returned to the room, having been formally very friendly and bubbly, now seeming unable to even look me in the eyes. She stated I needed a CT scan. So she ran some tests for the die sensitivity and eventually told me there was a white cloudy area in the xray they wanted to check out further. Being a smoker, the fear was immediate. The CT scan was done and returned with the following information: FINGINGS: 3.1 x 4.0 cm mass in the left medial lung or hilar region is present. There is minimal spiculated surrounding airspace disease. Malignancy is the diagnosis of the exclusion and is suspected. There are a few scattered nonenlarged mediastinal lymph nodes. There is a dextro-convex thoracic scoliosis. There is minimal patchy density in the lingula probably representing postobstructive atelectasis. Correlate for fever. There is no pleural effusion or pneumothorax. The doc on duty appeared to have brought the nurse along for his moral support in telling me. Although they did leave some marginal hope for it being non-malignant.. the conversation was continually directed toward preparing me for the worst. I was sent to see my doc for referral, who looked at the images and as I watched he seemed to involunarily cringe and look away as he scrolled though them. NOT a good sign coming from your doc! And he began the process of getting staff working on a referral. He loaded me up with enough pain meds for a month, that looked like a years worth, indicating I was going to be needing them. His assessment of it was i was bordering stageI possibly stageII Lung Cancer. To make matter worse, I am currently uninsured. My husband just retired on railroad disability and I was dropped from his coverage when Medicare picked him up. I have been reasonably healthy and although working on it, I havent made getting a new policy a urgent matter. Has been a week on a massive emotional rollercoaster. I feel like last tuesday I stepped out of life as I knew it, into a whole new world. A world that I dont understand. I dont understand the majority of the terminology. Even sorting out the CT Report is mind boggling. When I seen my Doc I didnt even know the questions to ask when I had the chance. So am writing them down for next time. I am wanting to be hopeful that this may be nothing, but I feel everything thus far has been about preparing me to accept this new world. I have gone from one extreme to the next emotion wise. With the primary being the guilt and self anger for causing this. I have begun taking Wellbutrin and have cut down to well over half on my smoking and I have a full-stop date of next Monday the 21st. I have smoked most of my life and stopping smoking right now is almost as scary as what Im up against.. and i know how crazy that sounds to some, but is true. But, I am very determined and ready to just git-it-done. Right now I am in a franticly trying to seek medical care. Mainly the biopsy to start. Im not eligible for medicaid, I have looked into some clinical trials as a hopeful option, have a lot of calls out as well as hoping to seek out the High Risk Ins, (hopefully) soon to be availavble through the new Fed Healthcare Reform. So any suggestions or advice would be appreciated. I was told most places wont even except self-pay for initial procedures unless your able to fund the full course of treatment.. I will stop there for now.. with much more to come Im sure. I want to thank you all for being here and providing a place of support. You have no idea how much hope I feel just reading through yalls posts. It is my hopes that Ill one day be a source of strength and support for others as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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