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Home Alone


ronvrens

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On Satrday I went home to attend to some bussiness. As soon as I opened the front door I felt a great sadness. This is the first time that I have come home to absolute silence. There was a great sense of being alone.

I spent the day doing the necessary in town and at home but the feeling of lonliness would just not go away.

Everywhere I looked the re were things to remind me of the good as well as the last 3 months struggle with the disease.

At one point I just broke down and cried next to our bed.

Yesterday was one month since Pat left me so suddenly and I found it hard to cope. There was this profound sence of sadness and grief all day. The worst is that there was no one to share my feelings with.

Too many people still tell me thattime heals but I feel that its going to take a long time as I miss her more every day.

Thanks for being there when I need to let someone know How I feel. Everyone has been so kind and understandind

Ronnie

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Hi Ronnie,

Would you like to tell us some stories? Maybe how you met your sweetheart? We love to hear stories and it might be nice for you. If it's too hard, that's okay too.

I lost my mom to this disease when I was 27. Oddly, there was a family reunion a month later, 3000 miles from my home. I went by myself - it was her maternal relatives, many that she grew up with. I was surrounded by unconditional love for that long weekend. People I had never met, many I had never heard of, sat and chatted with me about my Mom and her family from years before. And they loved and accepted me as her daughter. I think it was like an immersion program in healing. It still took me a long time to let go of the grief.

That was a very special experience. I hope you find a way to relieve your loneliness and pain. We are here to listen, but I hope you can share with your family too. I never understood how my Dad went ahead so easily. I think I know now it wasn't so easy for him, but it wasn't obvious at the time. Made it hard to help.

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Hi Ronnie,

You write so well,your description of your reaction to revisiting your former home,brought a lump to my throat.I think Stephanie's suggestion is a really good idea,I have found posting here daily very therapeutic and I would love to hear,stories of your lives to-gether,the country of South Africa, anything you would feel comfortable with sharing.

God Bless,

Eric

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I remember that empty feeling You have Ronnie... some days it is worse than others but I do remember it! and yes writing is a great form of therapy.

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I am busy writing a story of our relationship and life together. It is very hard not to get too emotional and then I have to wait a while. As soon as I have a bit more I will share it with you

Thanks for understanding

Ronnie

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Yes, take your time Ronnie. When you are ready, share. In the meantime, come here and share your sadness and lonliness. If we can help bring just a single ray of sunshine to you in comfort, it is well worth it - it is in giving that we receive, and right now you need to be listened to and given to.

This place is amazing isnt it? How perfect strangers, united by this disease of cancer, can just love on each other, and be there for each other. It's incredible to me.

Judy in MI

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It's hard to be home -- I remember that so well. When you're away from home you can function but when you get home, your spouse should be there. I did everything I could to keep busy and away from home.

One thing I did do was throw out everything that made me think of the cancer - it was good therapy to toss x-rays, meds, water bottle he took to chemo etc. and it worked out a lot of anger.

I changed things around to make the space a little different and planned some remodeling projects -- just trying to make the time pass and the house a little different then when we shared it.

I was fortunate to have some friends that helped me - ironically one that lost her husband shortly after John passed away.

I posted a book recommendation in the Grieving Forum - it helps to read how others have handled their grief and what's normal and what's not. Writing in a journal helped tremendously so it's good you're writing your story.

It's hard -- really hard -- but usually after those bad emotional days you have a good one. It helps to let it out. Many of us get what you're going through and we're here to help.

Rochelle

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Thanks for the posting. Every little bit of advice and encouragement helps.

This morning woke up feeling down again. Looked at the photo at my bedside, said goodmorning I love You.

While getting ready for work could not get Pat out of my mind.

On the way to work played her favourite song Everybody Hurts and broke down. This song was also played by her request while we carried the coffin from the church.

So the day did not start well.

Everyone keeps asking me how I feel and also seem to be treating me with compassion. I think that sometimes this can prolong the whole grieving process. But they all mean well and its hard to tell them just to treat me normally. Perhaps I should just not be so sensitive and emotional.

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Ron,

It's normal to feel sensitive. It's totally normal to want to be treated normally. And yet? What has happened with your wife is NOT normal. And people are grieving for you, as they put themselves in your shoes, and see how sad it is to have your life mate die.

Fortunately we are born with compassionate hearts. So it is second nature to feel compassion for your life situation today. We don't want you to suffer, and yet? You must because of your loss.

((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))

Judy in MI

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I'm sorry Ron.

I just hope the day gets better from here and that you find some peace to get you thru the day.

Loss is so enormous- and affects each of us so differently. We are here for you. We understand.

((hug))

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Ronnie, my heart goes out to you and your loss.

I am glad that you are writing your story... believe it or now it does help with the grieving...

Time may heal the wounds, but that is hard to say to someone grieving. The grieving will come and go. I don't know if it ever actually goes away. But one day it will tolerable.

Maryanne

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