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In Honor of the Chicken Cult - Blonde Jokes! (PG-13)


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Blonde Jokes

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?

A: The blonde works in the dark!

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?

A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?

A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree?

A: Wave

Q: What does a blonde owl say?

A: What, what?

Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's butt?

A: A brain tumor.

Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?

A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?

A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?

A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?

A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?

A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Q: Why did God create blondes?

A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.

Q: Why did God create brunettes?

A: Neither could the blondes.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?

A: To turn the blinker off.

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?

A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?

A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?

A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?

A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.

Q: Why does it work?

A: "Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?"

Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?

A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?

A: She missed the Earth!

Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?

A: One.

Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?

A: Far-from-thinkin

Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?

A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?

A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?

A: Spot.

Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?

A: Air Supply.

Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?

A: So brunettes can remember them.

Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?

A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.

Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?

A: Perri-air

Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?

A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?

A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!

Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?

A: The Air Pump!

Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?

A: Because she got an F in sex.

Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?

A: She missed.

Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?

A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"


A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde ****?

A: She kept having affairs with men!

Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?

A: She picks up her purse and goes home.

Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?

A: Grade 4.

Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?

A: 144 blondes.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?

A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?

A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.

Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"

A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.

A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?

A: Locking the car door.

Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?

A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.

Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?

A: She moved.

Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?

A: A blonde parade.

Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?

A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.

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