Ann Posted October 5, 2010 Share Posted October 5, 2010 The Italian Secret to a Long Marriage. At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Toronto, they have weekly husband's marriage seminars. At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years. Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, 'Wella, I'va tried to treat her nicea, spenda DA money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!' The priest responded, 'Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary? 'Giuseppe proudly replied, " I gonna go pick her up." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted October 5, 2010 Author Share Posted October 5, 2010 An elderly lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said, Pardon me, madam..I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?" Yes, I know," said the lady. I need both my hands to hold onto this hat." But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties and your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 75 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted October 5, 2010 Author Share Posted October 5, 2010 A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked 'Is my time up?' God said, 'No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.' Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, 'I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?' - God replied: 'I didn't recognize you.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted October 5, 2010 Author Share Posted October 5, 2010 A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. The drunk walks into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze. Whereupon he asks the drunk, 'Are you ready to find Jesus?' 'Yes I am' replies the drunk, so the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the river. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother, have you found Jesus?' The drunk replies, 'No, I haven't.' The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again, but for a bit longer this time. He pulls him out of the water and asks again, 'Have you found Jesus, my brother?' The drunk again answers, 'No, I have not found Jesus.' By this time the preacher is at his wits end so he dunks the drunk I n the water again, but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds.When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up. The preacher asks the drunk again, 'For the love of God, have you found Jesus?'The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, 'Are you sure this is where he fell in?' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fred Posted October 5, 2010 Share Posted October 5, 2010 Good ones Ann. Thanks for the laughs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bud Baker Posted October 5, 2010 Share Posted October 5, 2010 Too funny! It's good to see you posting jokes again, Ann. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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