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another dream


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Last night in this dream, she kept saying one sentence...

"oh I know, kiddo. I miss you too." In her Minnesotan accent and all....

I don't think it means anything other than it's Christmas time, and for 8 years she's been a part of this time of year in some way...and this year she isn't....and I just miss my friend like crazy.

And of course I am thinking of my parents....I miss them always but more so during the holidays/daddy's birthday/moms death date coming up....

And Cindy Brown (CindyRN) passed this year, so there won't be a message for me from her this year and I just found out yesterday that Don died and he's been a HUGE supporter and such a sweet friend to me on face book...no matter what I posted or wrote, he always had an encouraging or witty comment and he always made me feel great or made me laugh....even if we were just quoting Beatles songs....I miss that already.

Nick already said it today but I'll say it again...

LUNG CANCER SUCKS, I hate what it had done to us, and to those we love.

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Sometimes, it's so hard for people to understand why this time of year is so hard for many of us. At this time of year, we remember our dear friends and family and the happy holiday times we shared. Christmas used to be the very happiest time of the year for me. That was because I had my wonderful family and I still believed that tragedies only happened to others. Somehow, I never thought my little family would be broken apart. I definitely never thought it would happen only 10 days before Christmas.

Don't get me wrong. I still am humbled by the true meaning of Christmas and am a strong believer. It's just that most of the happy feelings about the season have been replaced by a feeling of loss and emptiness.

Katie....you have given so much love to so many. I am so glad that you are here for all of us!!!

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Hi Katie,

I hate to see you hurting like this--Christmas is such a tough time in a lot of ways for so many of us. I remember all the good times we had at Christmas before my family fell apart with the loss of my sister from leukemia. (At Christmas time, no less) It was 21 years ago, but things have never been the same.

What we do now is get together, and we do have a good time, but the memories are always in the back of our mind. And we are all a little sad every day because of it.

I sure do hope you have a good Christmas with your beautiful children and great husband.

Hugs to you,


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It does suck, Katie. It does.

How amazing though that in all the suckiness Lung Cancer brought some amazing people together--you and connie, and Cindy, and Don, and so many others. All of us here, but especially you, have gone through excruciating pain and losses, but we've also met some amazing people we wouldn't have otherwise. (You know I don't do 'perspective' very well, and I'm NOT trying to perspective you, I'm not. Just thinking of the flipside of the losses.)

Which doesn't make the loss hurt any real or any less legitimate. It still sucks.

Love you. I'm sorry that it hurts so badly. Sending you love and hugs. And as always I'm so thankful for you.


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I remember when I first joined this site how I read every post that was here for years back. Getting to know everyone, losing some just as those on this site did over the ages. It is painful to know that some of the "heroes" you started reading about and responding too have lost the battle. But it is a smiling heart that reads that she is with you in your dreams. She may know that you need a little shoulder right now as many do around the holidays - and as many years before she is there for you. While she is with you she knows that you will share with all of us here that miss her posts (and Cindy and Don as well). Every one has a shoulder that just posting here lets you borrow as needed - and while I think we often use yours, you seldom ask to borrow ours, but you can anytime.

Shake your head, sigh, and say Cancer Sucks. Then smile a crooked little smile because of the good memories we have of everyone we've lost to this horrible disease. Even if the crooked smile has to have a couple of tears to really work -


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I feel so bad. You have lost so many and you are so young. I lost my Dad to esophageal cancer in 2003 and the pain and sadness never go away but I try to remember all the good memories and that is what keeps me going (with tears).

Sending you hugs and thoughts of comfort for this holiday season. You have touched so many lives and it is ok to be sad. Try and think about all the good times with your loved ones and friend. Remember everyone is here for you. Thank you for being there for me.....Hearing about Donnie was very upsetting, I was shocked. Like everyone is saying CANCER SUCKS...


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