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Good Morning Judy,

I am sorry to hear of your brothers lack of attention,in your early days of dx and treatments,I think most of us here have experienced similar surprises about which members of the family and friends were supportive and the others who were not.I did get a few surprises or should I say disapointments from some friends I expected a bit more from?.One I did talk to some months later,said he found my dx so upsetting that he didnt contact me because he didnt know what to say to me,to help.We did re-establish our friendship,when he discovered I wasnt in the slightest upset with him,and agreed with him his re-action to me was perfectly understandable.

I cannot give you an explaination to your brothers lack of support,may well be a reluctance with regard to previous family of history with cancer,has left them all feeling a bit afraid of confronting it again through your dx?.Pitching about in the dark for reasons or excuses for their behaviour I dont think is the way.Communication is the key to solving these misunderstandings,they are your brothers,not passing aquaintances,they may have very busy lives,do they live near you?.Surely some premise for a family get to-gether could be organised providing you with a comfortable setting for everyone to relax and exchange your feelings of neglect during your treatment time.It may be they( being guys) lack a bit in the caring/sharing sensitivity stakes,rather than deliberately avoiding you was closer to the truth? I can only guess.Certainly for good or evil,getting a response from them of the truth of the matter,will help you to drop the speculations going through your mind.

Is it coming back? Judy I know,how many times has this thought crept into our minds,usually at the most unexpected times,and I suppose it will continue to do so.Did Jesus not say?

"There are enough worries in today,so do not concern yourself about tomorrow".That quote helps me a lot in getting by these moments.Until the Doc one day confirms "Its Back",I promised myself never to let this thought overwhelm my everyday life.I am enjoying myself today and focussed on doing the same tomorrow,so thoughts of cancer coming back can ****** off.

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I did see your post - one thing that I am afraid we may have done during my original treatment was to scare off my brother, and some of my friends. We didn't feel like we needed outside help (though the 3 or 4 meals that were brought by were well received.) As time goes by, I don't think my brother sees that he has a place in my care, though I think it would be good for him to do more, for his sake. I really have only one friend that keeps a close an eye on us - the rest of my support comes from M, group, and on-line. A few friends check in at random times and after long breaks of time.

And after all this time on treatment, I'm not so sure how much anyone really wants to hear the results of my latest scan or how treatment is going. Kind of like crying wolf. Hey, you look good, you're independent, what could you possibly need from me? The boredom of chronic disease - at least from the outside.

Just a thought or two.

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Judy, I didn't see your post either but Stephanie's post could stand alone. Probably too many of us can relate. I have family and friends wiho rally round every new bad scan but they all live at a distance. I appreciate every minute of their concerns and their prayers. My son in Orlando is the one who sort of stands on the outside of it all. Many times I've been up there and not even seen him. I know he loves me. It's party his personality and partly the character of his immediate family that makes it difficult for him to have time for anyone/anything but them.

Day to day, it's pretty much as Stephanie describes. She could have written that last paragraph about me. What would I do without Stan and my online support Can't imagine.

Judy in KW

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