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Six Months


Katy66

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It is so hard for me to believe that last Friday marked six months since Gene passed away. I still feel as if I'm on a roller coaster of emotions. I go through the motions of my life and everyone tells me how amazingly strong I am..well, I don't feel very strong. Don't get me wrong, I have some days that are better than others but then for some unknown reason I have a day or two or five where I crash. Usually I hold it in until I'm alone or with my family but then I cry at the drop of a hat, my body aches with the sadness, the loss just becomes so prevalent again in my thoughts.

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Hi Katy,

First a (HUG). Next, six months is not a long time. You will feel this roller coaster ride for a while. Everyone grieves at different times and lengths of time. I didn't lose a spouse. But I remember when my Mom died, it took me a long time before I could even get out with friends. When I heard friends laughing, I was angry because I didn't want people laughing when I was in so much pain.

Hang in there. You are doing good. It will get better.

Hugs.

Judy in MI

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Katy Been 5 long hard years! I still cry when I hear certain songs, Holidays, Anniversaries of important dates, You name it! I know how you feel. I remember breaking down in grocery store cause we had so much fun in there!

It s hard yes but you have to keep going forward. Remember, He is right above you all the time. Go outside and have a long talk under a starry Carolina Sky tonite!!

It might help some..

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Hi Katy

I dont think the pain and longing ever goes away. Pat passed away ten and a half months ago and some days are just unbearable. I think we try to look brave on the outside but keep crying on the inside.

I also have to let go sometimes and just cry although I have found it hard sometimes and the emotions just build up.

There have been many tasks that I have had to do like sorting Pats possesions and deciding which not to keep. i just sometimes feel guilty about doing it.

This past Easter break at home was very emotional as my two daughters were there for a few days but when they left it was quiet and lonely.

Yes I have friends and people to talk to but its not the same as my wife.

Lets hope that we will be able to cope with this out of control roller coaster ride.

Ronnie

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(((Katy))),

Sending understanding hugs. It has been over 5 years for me and it's still hard, at times. As Randy has said, there are just thoughts, holidays, places etc. that trigger the memories and then pain and the tears are still right there. Know that what you are feeling is normal and in time, there will be more happy days than sad. Above all, be patient and kind to yourself and let yourself grieve.

Hugs,

Sue

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Thanks everyone. Sometimes knowing that I'm normal helps, at least as normal as someone who just lost their spouse can be:) I know 6 months isn't a long time but I'm just so tired. I've always been the positive one, the glass half full is my way of thinking and that is gone.

I guess if I'm being honest one of my big issues at 6 months was that not a single family member or friend acknowledged it. Don't get me wrong, I didn't expect our 8 year old daughter to think about the date but it just seems like someone else would. I even saw his mother that day and she didn't say a word. When I did mention it to a friend she was supportive but then had to throw in "You'll get through this". I really don't think I will. This is not a cold or the flu that you get over. Losing your spouse is with you forever. I mean I know it won't always be this consuming but it will always be there.

Ronnie, I've not been strong enough to go through any of Gene's things yet. I walk in his shop with all his woodworking tools, things I don't need and will never use, but I can't part with them yet. I feel closest to him when I'm there in his spot. I moved his clothes to the back of the closet but they are still there. The only thing I've done anything with was his medications and I trashed them the day after the funeral, he hated all the medicine so much I felt like I was doing that for him.

Wow, things are just spilling out here... sorry for the rambling. Good thing I've got an appointment with my bereavement counselor this afternoon. Again, thank you all for your kind words. Sorry we have to be here finding our way!

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Katy - You said you mentioned it to your "friend" - and that means that she is still your friend. So take a second and re-"listen" to what she said. Your friend said "You'll get through this." Not "oh my it's been sooo long" - she said "You'll get through this". When I read it - it said - you'll get through this day, you'll get through this minute, you'll get through seeing his mom, you'll get through moving his clothes to the back of the closet - they are still there and he is still in your heart. But, you'll get through this. It does not say how you should, it does not say what you should, it lets you decide what that means. You already have decided what it means - it means that he is still close to you out there with his tools and there is where they should stay for now. It means that his clothes are not out front - but close enough that you know they are still there - because you got through moving them.

I have absolutely no idea how hard it is to "get through this" - I just know that I felt strength in your words - and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks - it only matters what you think. I hope in some small way I helped you - "get through this" - and you know very well that everyone here in this forum is lining up to give you a little hug and support to help you "get through this".

Annette

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(((Katy)))

It's been such a short time......my mom waited until year 3 to do something with my dad's things...and even then some of the things she kept and stayed the same...everyone is different...nothing is right or wrong.....it's whatever gets you to the next day some times...

What I completely understand is the feeling that no one else understands your pain or grief or is remembering your loss.... I am someone who remember dates and anniversaries...my siblings have never been to the cemetary and have never reached out to me on those dates, birthdates or holidays...I don't doubt they grieve, but just in different ways....certain people can only handle so much I guess.

I'm remembering with you today and I hope one day soon you are comforted by your memories and those around you.

(((hug)))

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Katy

It took a long time to decide that some things had to go. Just seeing the clothes everytime I opened the cupboards. I do still have some things that bring happy memories in the cupboard just to remind me of good times.

I still have her scooter in the garage and although it takes up a lot of space I dont feel comfortable letting it go yet. I just somehow feel when the time is right.

Only those of us that have lost our spouse will know the hurt.

Please be strong and try and be happy sometimes.

Ronnie

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Annette you're right, she is a good friend and I do know that she was trying to help me through that day, that circumstance. That's the other part of this process I don't like, things or comments I wouldn't have given a second thought stick in my mind and can make me so angry or sad.

Thanks Ronnie, yes we all have to try to be happy sometimes.

KatieB, I sometimes wish I was one of those people that dates and times didn't stick in my mind but on the other hand we wouldn't remember those good times either.

You are all such great support, thank you!!!!!

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