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Was there a moment...?


KatieB

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Was there a moment when you didn't feel that it was worth carrying on, when it all became too much to bear?

How did you deal with that? What helps you move forward thru your worst times?

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So far, I haven't had moments like this in my own cancer experience. I can tell you that when my Mom was diagnosed, I did get to feeling like I couldn't take any more. I cared for my sister and Dad already. It seemed like it was too much to continue to care for family again. But I did, and it taught me much.

When I feel sad, and doubtful, I rely on my faith to get me through the tough stuff. I know where I'm going after this life, and it sustains me and gives me hope.

Judy in MI

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There have been a couple of times when I've been discouraged in my fight. Oddly enough, it was when I was doing chemos supposed to be easy--Alimta and Tarceva. It was after the malignancy moved to my abdominal wall and just kept progressing.

Alimta was a relatively easy chemo except for the bowel issue. It took me almost the whole year to get the balance of laxatives right. It was a daily struggle. Tarceva was awful. I didn't get a significant rash but the daily ministrations and sun guarding to prevent it made me feel like life centered around my cancer. Also, again the bowel problem was a big issue--this time diarrhea that eventually to a serious case of diverticulitus. And it seemed to do nothing to slow the cancer.

What do I do to come out of it? I've been lucky I could wait it out until the tide turned and I started to get good news again. That's all it takes for me, a little good news that I can tell my family and friends. Their support and encouragement then just lift me higher. I've been up and I've been down these past 3 1/2 yrs, but when I'm down, I seem to be able to hold onto a tiny bit of faith that things will turn around. I'm lucky. I was born with an optomistic nature. I really worry when I think that may be failing me.

Judy in KW

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Mine have been similar to Judy in KW's. Day 9 or 10 of feeling terrible after infusion and feeling like the chemo was killing me even as I knew in a small part of my brain that there was a likelihood that tomorrow I would feel much better. And did. That has happened 2 or 3 times. Also with Tarceva as the side effects of the side effects laid me low (I'm talking to you c.diff!)

But how weird is it that today I am stable and on zero medication other than the once every 3 weeks Avastin and the occasional ibuprofen for muscle or headache? Can we say, let's keep it this way for a long time!!!

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I never have felt like it was not worth carrying on-I so value my life that I was devastated at the thought it might not be as long as I would like it to be.

I always felt that I should fight for my life and my health, but I did sometimes feel like I couldn't stand any more. Fortunately things went well with me post-surgery and I didn't feel some of the awful effects with chemo that others have experienced.

I think lung cancer was such a dreadful blow to me because I was just getting some confidence back in my health after recovering from breast cancer treatment, and I felt like I got slammed right in the face again with the lung cancer diagnosis.

But, when we're faced with something like this, there is no other choice but to carry on and try to do everything possible to recover and try to enjoy our life again. I feel so very fortunate that I was able to recover and stay well.

Cindy

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  • 5 weeks later...
Was there a moment when you didn't feel that it was worth carrying on, when it all became too much to bear?

How did you deal with that? What helps you move forward thru your worst times?

I think if the battle is long everyone must experience some bouts with this. All the hospital visits, the oxygen concentrator, fighting the low energy. It can all get to be a bit much and overwhelming. You just have to find the strength to dig deep for your family or anything that motivates you. We have a responsibility to fight our hardest IMO.

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I think I skipped this post on purpose. Even though I am so very thankful to be one of the "lucky" ones that was diagnosed early enough for surgery (twice) and no chemo, the first words out of my mouth when that nurse practitioner said "You have cancer" were "I'm gonna die aren't I?" I still thought I was not capable of putting up a fight. So many times between that initial "you have" and the tests and waiting it crossed my mind I barely remember.

As lucky as I am - even though at this 2 years out point - I still worry. It's always in the back of my mind - it could come back. I do know that after finding and reading all the horrible inaccurate statistics on the internet I stumbled on LUNGevity. The first time I really felt that I was not alone - that there were actually people out there that worked through all the dark thoughts and were successfully fighting. Perhaps the beginning of a light at the end of the tunnel.

The problem is that although at times I felt I could and had conquered this beast, if only temporarily - I still had (have) so many outside family issues my mind falls back to what if it comes back and I let it win. But I do have support and friends that help me every day now - and I check in here often because my mind is never far away from this family. I know that I found support here and I hope that in some small fashion by trying to help someone here I can pay it forward - as small as this may seem to some it simply is what makes it worth fighting every day.

Annette

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