cindy0519 Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 There is a quote about a girls first true love being her father....tomorrow morning marks 5 years since my "first true love", my Daddy, left this earth. I feel a bit odd coming here since I haven't been on for so long. I "peek in" now and then and pray for everyone always..but but somehow tonight I really just needed to post here. This time of the year is always very difficult. Dad's last conscious day was Father's Day. This was the last day I saw his scruffy face smile, heard him grumble about things that others were doing that made him grumpy, this night was to be our last hug/kiss good night, the last time he told me he loved me...oh, if I'd have only known how final that kiss/hug and I love you were I miss him more than I might have ever imagined and long to simply have him back...even for a moment. And yet I am still so surrounded by his "presence"....I had to quickly go to the restroom to avoid crying in front of my team at lunch today..we were eating a a hole in the wall chili dog place and I found myself bought to tears by being surrounded by mounted elk, deer, javelina, and a buffalo heads. My Dad was avid hunter and had all of these same mounts in his home. I was fine and then suddenly I was totally overcome with emotion just looking at the stupid mounts in this little chili dog place. Yesteday while driving, and thinking of him (ok...and shedding a few tears ) the song "Love Without End, Amen" suddenly came on the radio. This was a song which he told me, while he was sick, that he wanted to dance to at my wedding as it decribed perfect how he felt about his children. We danced instead to Celine Dion's "Because You Loved Me" because it decribed how I feel about him and he told me any song would be fine with him I find myself thinking that it should be getting easier, and most days I suppose it is...but these days are just so DAMN HARD! I know he would be hate me being this way and so I allow myself these moments and move on with life as he would have wanted but WOW..for these moments it is just simply all I can do to just breath in. Thanks for listening and for giving me a place to just " live in this moment" .... I need it every now and then! My thoughts and prayers are will you always, Cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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