Jump to content

Dad just diagnosed


Recommended Posts

First of all, thank you for this wonderful support group! Although, I hate the reason that I found myself here. My name is Don.

My Dad, 80 years old, was just diagnosed with inoperable Stage IV lung cancer today. The doctor said they would probably do chemotherapy, which might ease some of his pain and give him more of an appetite. It's strange how 2 little words can change your entire life forever.

I find myself grieving terribly, even though he hasn't even begun his first treatment yet. I just don't know how in the hell to come to terms with this! Where do you begin?

How do you say goodbye to your best friend, your hero, your life coach? How do you say goodbye to someone who has been the biggest part of your life for more than 50 years? How do you say goodbye to your Dad??? GOD, HOW I HATE THIS THIEF OF SUCH A WONDERFUL LIFE!!

My constant prayers are with each and every one of you afflicted by this! Thank you for listening!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am sorry you needed to find this site, but welcome.

First, take a deep breath. And tell us a bit about yourself and your Dad. How is his overall health? How did they find this - it sounds like he is quite symptomatic. Pain control is something they can truly do to be of help in giving him some quality of life.

Inoperable does not mean it can't be treated. Some lung cancers respond very well to chemo alone. Do you know if they were able to do a biopsy that included testing for an EGFR mutation or ALK? If he is positive for either of these, targeted therapy is also an option. If they don't know or he isn't, traditional chemo is a good place to start and see how his disease responds. Do try to keep up his weight - don't force feed him, but make sure he has access to anything that sounds good, at any time. Small portions will likely be more appealing.

Grieving is natural and an expected response to such news. Even those who live with lung cancer as a chronic condition experience grief, as do their caregivers. Groups are available in many places where you can share these feelings in person and see you are not alone. What do you do today, tomorrow? You show up. You make sure your Dad and everyone else you care for knows what they mean to you. You tell them, you show them, and be gentle with yourself. Come back here and tell us what is on your mind, what questions you have. Someone is almost always around (though it might be a little slow over a nice weekend.)

I really know where you are - my Mom received her dx after the 4th of July weekend in 1983. She was only 57. Take care.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I can only add another welcome to Stephanie's elegant post. Her empathy comes through loud and clear. She is one of many who have lost a loved one--father, mother, husband, sister, brother, friend--to this dread disease. But like she said, surgery is not the only option. I was not a candidate but have survived to age 67 for more than 3 1/3 yrs on chemo alone. You don't know how much time your Dad has but try to make the most of whatever it is. Do come back and share. We are here for you.

Judy in KW

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi from Michigan!

I loved what Stephanie wrote to you as well. It's perfect. You do show up and care and love on him. My Mom died at age 62 of lung cancer, so I understand just where you are at.

We do have a Caregiver board here too where you can get lots of tips and ideas for how to be a caregiver. Be sure to check that out.

And post! It helps to post and get our support as you go through this journey.

Judy in MI

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am so glad you found us. This is a terrible diagnosis to hear. I am glad his Dr. is going to give him chemo. I was finally able to have surgery after I had chemo. They told me the chemo had killed it! I hope he gets a good response. Meanwhile I pray that you and your Dad can appreciate every day, day by day that you will have. Please keep us posted.

Donna G

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Don,

I am so sorry you are going through this. I know that deep grief and confusion you must be feeling right now. I really battled this when I was first diagnosed. I would mourn the loss of my health from deep inside. Please give yourself time to work through all these feelings. After a bit of time, you will be able to live more of a one day at a time. This will allow you to enjoy your time with your father.

Take care,


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.