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Good morning all!

It's 4:30 AM here. Have rustled with the blankets and sheets for the last two hours. I decided to stop that and just accept that it's okay to be up at this hour.

I am very thankful to have air conditioning with this unbearable heat, but still struggle with sleep.

Was at Gilda's Club tonight. It was good to connect with the folks there. Getting very tired of my R (husband) thinking that it's okay to drink on Thursdays while I'm at the club.

I'm afraid he's doing this to avoid dealing with my cancer.

I'm going to delay dealing with this until I get dx next week. If I get the dx I expect, I am going to ask and expect him to start going to the Family and Friends Support group. I am going to tell him that he needs to go to this for me. He needs to be a part of this group! He needs to talk about his feelins with other caregivers! It is not acceptable for him to go out drinking on the nights I'm at the club.

I am so afraid that my cancer will tear us apart, I love this man. My cancer should nor tear us apart. And yet? So many women tell me that their cancer destroyed their marriages. It terrifies me.

I took a Clonapezam to help me sleep. Hoping it helps. I desperately need sleep.

Don't know what else to share. This just sucks.

Hoping for a better day today.

Sorry to be such a downer.

Judy in MI

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Morning All! Less than 8 hrs sleep again last night and you know I do well with my 9-10 hrs. Lol. My body is using so much energy fighting this cancer and it needs all the help it can get.

My steroid high pales in comparison to your insomnia Judy. Don't apologize for being down. We're all there sometime. Think you're right waiting for your CT report next week. Still hoping it's just a scare so you can take that one off your health issues plate.

I did a lot the last few days with less than my normal sleep so I'm taking it easy before Stan gets home in a couple of days. I'd really like to make him a nice meal but it depends on how this first week after chemo treats me. In any case, my plan is to go figure out a list and go grocery shopping today. That will be enough. Oh that and feeding myself again! lol

Hope you all have a good day. I know some of you are trying not to clock watch yet but it is FRIDAY.

Judy in KW

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Judy I hope that today is a better one for you. You have had so much to deal with in your life. It is time that something goes your way. I keep praying that the cancer is not back and you will be able to sleep and enjoy your life.

As a caregiver I will tell you from my experience it is so much easier to be in denial. Still when there is no longer any doubt I think women tend to handle it a lot better than most men. I think part of the reason is that women raise their children while men earn a living. At least it was that way for most of our generation. Men also seem to be like a big baby when they are sick. They want attention and they want to be waited on. Men usually take it for granted that the women will continue to be the family caregiver so being sick is not an option to them. It is easier to deny the illness and all it will not only take from them but require of them. I hope this makes sense and maybe it is just my own experience talking.

Anyway I wish you only the best and really believe that when he realizes that you are ill and need him for help, love and support he will be ready and willing.

I could write more for all but I just got up and I am still very tired. Need to wake up and get moving. Have a great day everyone.

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Ah Judy, I sure do hope the tests are negative. You really don't need any more to deal with. Interesting point of view Lilly, I know you get it. From a male perspective, Yeah I didn't want it to happen to Susan, but it did. While she was in surgery, I paced the floor for hours. I couldn't stand it. It drove me nuts with worry. When I got her home, I did everything I could do to make her comfortable. At the same time, she was the biggest and bravest fighter I ever met. She was back up and running as fast as her recovery would allow. I don't think she approved of all my methods trying to do what she concidered her domain either. If R dissappears while you're sick, well that won't happen, trust me.

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Good morning, everyone!

It was 80 degrees as I rode to work this morning. Forecast high is 103. If it reaches that, it will be our 20th straight day of 100+ degree temperatures. That is NOT normal here.

KW Judy, it sounds like you felt better yesterday than expected. I think you have the right idea about today, taking it easy.

MI Judy, sorry you had a sleepless night. I'm still hoping your scan results will be better than you expect.

I'm thinking I will just do a shorter ride from home tomorrow morning. That will give me a lower than usual mileage week, but I had 225 miles last week and all these 100+ degree days are tough on an old guy.

Rose and I are supposed to go out with friends tomorrow night, so I probablly won't be up early to go fishing Sunday. I might make a close to home afternoon fishing trip.

My weekend will start in a little over 6 hours. Have a great day, all!

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Good Morning Everyone,

Just about to vacate my room,I am departing Niagara Falls for Buffalo on the 12.30pm train,unfortunately the next train to Cleveland is not until midnight,so I will just have to kick about Buffalo with my suitcases for about 11 hours-sigh.I have booked the Holiday Inn until Monday,its at Oakwood Village,hopefully not far from Downtown Cleveland.

I spend the most brill day in Toronto yesterday,meeting up with Jane,think we both talked the legs off the table,we just got on so well with one another,always a concern,prior to meeting someone for the first time,I need'nt have worried.Jane is just a lovely person,I am so glad my taxi driver initiated the idea to take me to Toronto,I would have never considered it myself,in fact I had no idea,geographically how near it was to Niagara.Jane had arranged a meal in the CN Tower,the restaurant actually revolves,the views from the restaurant were just amazing as my pics will show,we also went for a wee drink at a local pub,it was so hot to walk about outside,the air conditioning within was such a relief.Our time to-gether?,well I just dont know where it went,in no time we had to part for our respective taxis,I just want to say Jane,thats for taking the time out with me and your company,you certainly gave me a day to remember,maybe with luck,we can meet uyp again.

I am sorry Judy's,I am floating about everywhere having the time of my life,and you both are not having the best of times,JudyMI-is my schedule too busy to meet up with a friend? all my friends in LCSC are my schedule,its one of the main reasons I am here to meet as many of you as is possible,my only regret is missing so many of you,OK,Niagara Falls,Empire State Building,Smithsonian Museums,absolutely wonderful,but meeting you all is infinately more rewarding.I really hope your thoughts of a return of your cancer is unfounded.Why guys drink?maybe like myself,its nothing more than a wee bit of leisure sharing a pint with the boys,than something of a deeper reason.

Sorry got to go,I have to vacate by 11.00am.Not looking forward to the next 24 hours,may be I can manage to get back on line and share some company with you all,sorry I didnt get to mention everyone,just lack of time,be good everyone,bye.

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Looks like you are about 20 miles from downtown, with a single bus line connection (90F) and takes about 45 minutes. The bus runs once an hour. (I'd be a concierge in another life.) An all day pass is $5.00.

Cleveland - "mistake on the lake" I heard yesterday. I had an urban history professor from Cleveland who liked it a lot. I think he moved back there to raise a family after leaving the West Coast. There is good art, a very good zoo, excellent gardens, and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Splurge dinner? Lola. Iron Chef Michael Symon's place. Or his less expensive place, Lolita.

Here in Seattle, we have blue sky today, still only looking at 70 degrees. Maybe hit 80 over the weekend.

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Good Evening All,

Arrived at Buffalo station,its a bit remote,I have arrived by taxi to a huge out of town mall,about 4 miles from the station,killing time wandering the shops,I lost my comb yesterday,so despite such an array of shops here,finding one that sells combs isnt easy,bought one eventually in a beauty shop,$11,the girl said its made of carbon fibre,so should last a lifetime,yeah right so does plastic ones last similar,if I didnt keep losing them,rather have a plastic $1 one,well Eric,this is America.Guess what? another wee irritating setback,somehow I managed to break one of the legs of my reading glasses,its OK,they were only £9 in the UK,no point Eric having more expensive ones through turnover LOL,losing and breakages, well I found a shop here that sells glasses,the assistant keen to help me choose a new pair,think the cheapest started at around $130,poor chap didnt realise I am from Scotland,needless to say I am typing here with glasses missing a leg.

Oh spent some time going into a cinema to watch the new Harry Potter film in 3D,although I hadnt a clue trying to follow the plot,but the special effects were really good,I think to understand the film you would have had to have seen the previous dozen or so,or have read Rowlings books,I have done neither,its so very British I wouldnt have thought an American audience would enjoy it?.

Thanks Stephanie for the lowdown on my hotels location,I really struggled to get some where local to the Rock and Roll Museum and the Amtrak station,it wasnt so much price reasons,but all the hotels in that area were fully booked.Well just 6 hours to put in,really disapointing that Amtrak only runs one train per day down to Cleveland and Chicago.Well Monday I will move down to Chicago,probably going to have the same problem.

Well I cannot stand in a shop dorway posting all day,think I will go and find somewhere to eat,seems all I have seen so far is fast food shops? I might be back later to have something to do,bye.

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Hi Eric, hope you will find a tee shirt to replace the one you lost yesterday, as well as maybe find an inexpensive pair of reading glasses! Don't know about the US side, but on this side of the border the commuter buses are better than the trains, they are faster, more frequent and less expensive (and air-conditioned!) and drop you off more locally than the trains ... maybe also so in Buffalo/Cleveland? Too bad that commuter ferry to Cleveland no longer exists! :(

Hope both Judy's are feeling better today.

ts -- "mistake on the lake" is a common expression here, too. But the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is fun. Used to go to Cleveland every year for a bowling tournament.

Eric I had a great time despite the heat yesterday and it was a real pleasure to meet with you -- thank you so much for coming "up" (everywhere in Canada we say coming "up" from the States, even though parts of Michigan are further north than we are) to visit, and we did set an all-time record for heat yesterday so don't expect it, if you come over again!

Lily and Alan, I think your comments are bang on re caregivers.

Judy in MI I hope you get a better sleep tonight, I am still using sleeping pills after over 2 years and don't know what I would do without them as I habitually (even with them) wake up at about 3 am even when I go to bed at midnight. And lack of sleep is really debilitating.

Katie I am going to watch the baseball game tonight, our team is in Texas!

Love to you all.

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The drugstores in the US are a good place for toiletries like combs and razors, and usually have a display of standard reading glasses for $10-20. They have a number of strengths and work pretty well if you have better eyesight than I do (I have progressive lens - 3, count 'em - 3 prescriptions in one lens.) They have names like Walgreens, RiteAid, and CVS.

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