Missing Dennis ....

[Ann]

It's so funny how things can make the hurt come back so strongly and suddenly after so many years.

Last night, I lost my good friend, a Siamese cat named Buddy. I'll never forget a cold November night in 2002, when Buddy came scratching at my door. It was cold, pouring the rain and just a terrible night. I had just had a lift chair delivered that day for Dennis, as he was getting too weak to raise himself from his favorite. Dennis and I were sitting in the living room. He was napping, as was normal after taking his pain meds. I was sitting on the sofa, starring at him and wondering how this could really be happening to our little family. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, I heard this loud, pathetic cry and a scratching at our front door. I opened the door a tiny bit and in walked the most beautiful Snowshoe Siamese that I have even seen. He shook himself off a bit and immediately began to make himself at home. I warmed up a fluffy towel in the dryer and began to dry him off. Since we already had two kittens, Jake and Spencer, I had plenty of cat food on hand. Buddy was now dry, full and at home. The next day, I made posters, called the Humane Society and local veterinarian offices, trying to fine the owner of this beautiful boy. At this point, I wasn't thrilled at the prospect of another mouth to feed, since I had been wondering how I was going to manage to take care us with the mounting medical bills.

Two days passed and no one called to claim my Buddy. Dennis looked at me with those big, brown eyes and said..."Let's just keep him. He's a good cat and what difference will one more cat make." So, Buddy had a forever home with us. When I took him to the vet for a check-up, I was told that he was probably 6-8 years old.

Days passed, Dennis became worse and Buddy became his new friend. Buddy was constantly sitting in Dennis' lap or laying with him in bed. When the Hospice nurse would come, we would have to move Buddy out of the bed and close the door, just so the linens could be changed. On the morning that Dennis died, Buddy sat at the threshold of the bedroom door and cried for hours.

So, now my Buddy is gone. Funny, his last days were spend the same as Dennis' last days....getting weaker and weaker, as his slipped the bonds of life into a better place. I know that Dennis and our Buddy are together today, waiting on the rest of our little family to join them.

[Annette]

Oh Ann, I am so sorry to hear about Buddy. Pets just know how to work there way into our hearts. Somehow he knew Dennis needed a friend - and then Buddy took care of you too. I've had many life critter partners (gotta have a cat) - so very loving and knowing just when you need a cat tail to tickle your nose as they demand a little attention. He's probably curled up with Dennis right now -

Hugs!

Annette

[Joppette]

Well Ann.....I know what you mean about feelings coming back so strongly after so many years. Reading this broke my heart, and tears just sprang out of my eyes, and down my cheeks.

What a loving story.........I feel like God sent an angel to take a very special place in Dennis's last months of life, and now God is taking his angel back. Dennis and Buddy are together now, and one day will be reunited with you too.

God bless you.

Judy in MI

[jaminkw]

Ann, I am sorry for the loss of your pet. It must be especially painful since Buddy was such a poignant connection to Dennis's latter days.

Judy in KW

[Ry]

I am so sorry Ann-

[shineladysue]

(((Ann))) , no words just huge hugs of understanding!

Love,

Sue

[laban]

Oh yes Ann, I can understand why this hurts. It's sometimes the oddest things that bring back the tears. I'm sorry Buddy is gone but Dennis gets his Buddy for now. You'll see them all again, someday.

Just mentioning about the lift chair brought back memories of when we had Bill's delivered and he fought it all the way.

Thoughts and prayers for you during these days.

[RandyW]

I am so sorry Ann. I know how you feel having been through the same situation with Daisy dawg and Debbie!

Big soft hugs, peace and comfort, to you!

[jean44]

Ann,

So sorry to read your post and the loss of your dear Buddy.

When Thom was ill he told my daughter that we would take her two cats because, as a nurse she didn't have the time to care for them properly.

When Thom started treatment and could no longer work, those two cats, especially the male became constant companions and special friends to him.

I had to continue to work to pay the bills and I carried the health insurance so staying home was not an option. It was funny because once they became a part of our family, it was easier for me to leave the house knowing someone was there to give Thom attention and to love him.

Now, when I look at those two I am reminded of the comfort and love they brought to him and still bring to me.

Thinking of you and sending you an understanding hug.

Jean

[Nick C]

So sorry. Dennis' friend...now reunited. But still hurts like hell for you.

Just based on the story, that cat was someone special. Had a real significance.

I am sure this is so tough for you on many levels...again, I am really sorry.

[Ann]

Thank you all so much for your kind words and understanding. A few days have passed now and I have found some comfort believing that Dennis and Buddy are together now. Buddy was a special "gift" that God gave to us and for that I will always be grateful. He helped Dennis so much through those last weeks, almost as if he had been sent on a special mission.

Although I miss my "Buddy Boy" very much, I realized he was old and had lived a good, long life. The hard thing to accept was the fact that losing Buddy was just one more thing that distanced my life with Dennis. Not sure if that makes a lot of sense or not, It seems every time that something leaves my house that belonged to Dennis, I feel so empty for a few days. It can be something as important as Buddy or something as non-important as one of Dennis' tools.

Recently, I had a friend that wanted to buy a saw that Dennis had. It was just a saw....something you could buy anytime, anywhere. But...it was a saw that had a ton of memories. I remember the exchange of words we had when he bought that saw, as it was very expensive. Dennis needed the saw....I thought he didn't. We all know how those conversations go. So, after almost 10 years, I sold the saw. I felt as if I was selling a piece of my heart....but it was just a saw.

So...every little thing that we shared in our life together is a part of "us" and it kills me to see it go. The loss of things....and beloved pets...put more and more distance and time between me and the man I adored!!!

[lilyjohn]

I remember when we first became friends about a year after we both lost our special guys. This was one of the first stories that you told me and I never forgot. I am so sorry that you have lost your Buddy but so glad that you have had him to see you through these past almost 9 years.

When Misty died I went through pretty much the same thing. It was different for me because for a long time I looked at her as Johnny's dog. I felt like I was just taking care of her for him. A part of me held back from showing her the kind of affection that he had and I really struggled with that. She had been very used to doing pretty much what she wanted until we were together and I worked at teaching her some manners. I didn't like her begging food when we were eating but that is how she had lived with Johnny.

After his death I tried to continue with the plan to teach her manners but just couldn't do it. Every time I gave in and fed her something I was eating I had a hard time. I kept beating myself up because I hadn't just let it go on the way it had been with them before I came back into his life. As time passed though I could almost hear him laughing at me each time I gave her a bite or bought something special for her. In time she wiggled her place into my heart and I didn't even realize it until I lost her. I can't believe that she has been gone a year. It was a year on the second and sometimes I can still almost feel her watching me put my shoes on getting ready to race me to the door.

As for tuning lose of his things I still have a lot of Johnny's things and just can't make myself let them go. Even my clothes that I wore while with him seemed like they left a hole in me when I got rid of them. One of the hardest was a red blouse. I usually wear browns and blues and tans, nothing very bright. One day we were going somewhere and I put on that red shirt and Johnny fell in love with it. He told me that I should wear red all of the time. Well as crazy as it sounds and as heartbroken and lost as I was I wore that blouse to his memorial service. I wore it for him. It hasn't fit me for years but it took me until last year to let it go. As you said each thing feels like I am losing a piece of him, part of our life together and I almost panic thinking that someday it will all be gone.

Take care my friend and know that even though we don't talk as much as we used to that I am still here for you just as I know that you are there for me. We have traveled a long road together.