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Avoidance doesn't work for long


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I wrote this on the Air and decided to move it to a more appropriate forum. I had been talking about being manic (working) for two days and not sleeping well last night. As I said, for me a manic most often means avoidance.

Stan and I were in the grocery store Tuesday and along comes a woman I knew in the ftf cancer group I attended for awhile here in KW. She was a breast cancer survivor for 9 yrs and had lost her husband 3-4 yrs ago to some virulent cancer. She was a support fixture in the group. Tues she was many lbs thinner, wearing a sparkly pink ball cap. I was stunned. I asked some questions but didn't want to press for too many details. I think they had long since stopped following up with CT scans. We have the same PCP and when she did not seem to be recovering the way she and he expected from a back injury 1 1/2 yrs ago, he suggested a CT. She has cancer through her body, nothing to do but chemo and ??can't remember radiation?? I hugged her and said all the right things. Then I asked about the SO of another woman who'd come regularly to group. She came for him and herself and was positive and upbeat and the doctors were oh so encouraging. I didn't have a good feeling even back then. Now I learned "she lost him."

O.k., it's out and maybe tonight I can rest and tomorrow not work myself into exhaustion. I didn't go to that group for long and in about 3 yrs time, 4 people I met there died. Three joined after me. Sometimes the losses get too heavy. I don't like to count the number of people who have died since I've been on this site--many of them dx'd around the same time as I.

Of course this all stirs up my own cancer worries. I seem to be getting on top of it in my abdomen judging by how I feel. But when it went away in my chest wall, it moved to the abdominal wall. Where is it likely to go from here? I didn't say this to Becky but when I recalled for her the original location and the move to the current, with classic Becky humor she asked "what do they have to do chase it through your body til it comes out your toenail." LOL LOL LOL. When sleep was hard coming last night, I recalled those words and chuckled again.

Thank you reader(s) for being there.

Judy in KW

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Ah Judy. You know I can relate because of the friends I have at Gilda's Club. Since Spring we lost one to lymphoma (age 44), one to breast cancer (age 40), one to lung cancer (age 37), and several really struggling right now.

Sometimes I think that I should just not go anymore. But I volunteer in the afternoon, and when the regulars get in, they always say to me "we're going to see you upstairs right?". I can't seem to stay away when they get that look in their eyes. And I've come to love them.

But it's tough. HUGS to you.

MI Judy

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I hear you loud and clear. It's been a long year with so many losses. My mixed cancer group has lost 3 lung cancer participants in the past year. And a few others as well.

I don't think it gets easier - I keep expecting to become numb to it, but as each individual has their own experience with cancer, each has their own unique death that feels like a new wildfire in our lives.

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