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Once Again


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Once again it is that time of year. Time for me to count down the days until I leave for my visit with my family for the holidays. It is also the count down until the anniversary of Johnny's death. Each day holds either a special of painful memory. I was hoping it would be different this year but I guess that will never change.

Once again I have scheduled one of my travel days for that anniversary day. I tell myself that is because of circumstances but I think deep down my heart and mind focus on that day so I will have something else to keep my mind occupied.

I am also having a health issue that I have not had for a good 15 years. I have pulled that big muscle around my mid section. I feel like I have a vice tightening up on each side. Hoping it is better before time to leave. I can't help but wonder though. It seems like everytime there is a day of some powerful memory that I have either a health problem or problem with my car or something else to have my attention on.. I really wonder sometime if my mind is causing those things or if maybe someone is helping me through those days a little more gently. Sound crazy? Not sure but I do have devided attention so maybe that helps more than I realize.

I posted this link on face book http://www.musictory.com/music/Travis%2 ... 20It%20All

This is a song that was on a CD I bought for Johnny just a few days before he died and two days before he entered the hospital for the last time. I will never forget that night when we first heard that song. We sat on our love seat and when that song came on and he heard the words he squeezed my hand and said"that's you" over and over again. He had written several songs for me and they were quite good but he never put them down on paper. He knew them by heart. He was supposed to sing one for me again when he got well but that never happened. I will always believe that that night he gave me that song by Travis Tritt to make up for the one that he was no longer able to sing. Please listen to it. It is such a beautiful song and when you hear the words it will be almost like meeting my Johnny. Every word of that song describes how he felt. From feeling unworthy to being in awe of my love for him. One verse says " I could die happy knowing I am your man". Sense he died just a week later I can only pray that was true that he died happy.

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