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family and friend support


Joppette

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Hi everyone,

I am up at 4:00 AM. I can probably go back to sleep, but since I am up, fresh from the support group tonight, I decided to write here. As I sat there last night, and listened to the many folks talk about their journey, it made me think. How many of us are dealing with living with cancer and facing the fact that our support network is weak at best.

There were so many in the group living in fear. Some of them are in their first year since diagnosis, and terrified if the cancer returns. Some of us have had the disease for a long time, and just are trying to find a way to live with this in spite of it all.

One woman has lymphoma. Recently they found tumors in her lungs. They do not know yet if it's cancer, or scar tissue. She mentioned that she is doing okay with it all, but that her husband was anxious and fearful, and that this was harder than her facing the next steps.

I recently found out that my husband is frustrated and angry because I am NOT as anxious as he is about my possible diagnosis and journey. He does not understand how I can be at peace with all of this. He is so afraid of what my next steps are. I think his memory of my last surgery in 2007 is probably fresher than what I remember.

Thankfully, the pain medication folks did a great job, so my memories are not as acute as his are.

His anxiety is difficult to deal with. While I absolutely do not want to go through what is probably the next steps, I know that my prognosis is good, and I am strong, and can endure whatever is next. He is so fearful, remembering how awful it was the last time they removed a lobe, and is terrified about facing it again.

At the same time, I have 3 brothers that didn't want to deal with this the last time, and are not dealing with it now. After seeing what my sister, Mom and Dad went through, they pretty much have decided that cancer is not something they want to ever deal with again. What do we do with this?

Sadly, the role I am thrusted in is to constantly reassure everyone that I will be okay. How many of us have been in that spot? While I know that long term, I will be okay, I wish I didn't have to be the one reassuring them! I have a lot to deal with. I know that I'll be okay, but I also know that I will be going through a lot of pain. I know that it will affect my lifestyle for a long time.

I don't know where this rambling post is going...LOL...maybe it's the time of night. I guess I wish family and friends would just acknowledge that they can't begin to understand what I must be feeling, and not try to interject what they think I MUST be feeling.

I don't know...........guess I'll just go back to try to sleep and let it go. It's going to be okay. I am grateful that my prognosis is a good one. I'm gong to go through some stuff I wish I didn't have to, but it will be okay long term. So?

Judy in MI

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Wow, Judy, I hear you loud and clear. I identify with most of what you say. What I find absolutely amazing is that you are calm and less fearful than your hubby. When first diagnosed I was anything BUT that. I was sad, depressed, anything you can think of. I came here ~ LCSC ~ and found such strong people. I know what I will be facing in the future. Not right now as you are, but it's coming sometime ~ hopefully later rather than sooner. And my hope is that I deal with as much courage and dignity as the wonderful people I have met here do. I am lucky and proud to be here with YOU, Judy. My hope is for nothing but the best for you. You do much for many ~ may it come back to you a hundred fold!

Kasey

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What they need are caregiver support partners to help support them thru all of this.......THAT said, the truth is, not many caregivers/spouses will seek out support....which doesn't help you or the emotional responsibility that lands on you when you should just be taking care of YOU.

I don't have answers, just a shoulder and an ear anytime you need it...and if the time comes that you need a life line or your spouse/relatives could use a life line support partners--I'll make a match and hopefully it will help.

BIg gentle hugs,

K

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