Mycatsknow Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Hi everyone! I'm here because, even though my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer around November, I was able to meet with my dad's doctors for the first time last Monday. I had to be there when the doctors told my dad that his cancer is not curable, that he will be under treatment forever. I had to see heartbreak in his eyes, and, since my mom doesn't speak English, I had to explain everything to my mom, in front of my dad. Curiosity took a hold of me.. so I searched Stage IV NSCLC online. The results kept me in bed for the entire past week. I'm tired of being mopey about this, I feel it is time to confront what is going on, and put my best face to help my dad. And that's why I am here A little background about myself and my dad. I'm 22 years old, just graduated from college in December. I'm in the process of moving back into my parents house so I can be closer to support emotionally through this. I feel lost, because all the plans I had for my future have been put on hold. My dad is 60 years old. His cancer has spread to his lymph nodes and there're spots in his ribs and a mass in the tissue around his colon... at least that's what I think. My dad has been very secretive and quiet about his situation. He starts chemo on Tuesday. I feel lost, scared.. I want to isolate myself but be surrounded by people at the same time. I want to be there for my mom, but I don't feel I'm strong enough. My dad has also denied the help of a translator, which leads me to believe he doesn't want my mother to fully understand his situation. This puts me in an awkward spot. I want my daddy to be ok. I also would like to know what to expect to see now that he starts chemo... So many questions! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 go to His treatments with him! Sometimes it helps knowing something is being done and working!! You have fear of the unknown. Once the unknown is known things should change! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaminkw Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 You and your parents are so young to be going thru this. Your Dad sounds like many Dads who want to protect their "girls" from bad stuff. I agree that going to chemo with your Dad would be a good thing. And if you can put on that best face, maybe he will accept that you are there to be a support and can handle it. When you can't, you can always come here. Judy in KW Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janet B Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 I am so sorry that you and your family are going through this. Please know that the people on this site have so much experience and are here for you with answers and encouragement. The first thing I want to say is, you guys are so new to this. You are still in the very scared, sad, and confused stage. It is hard to believe, but once treatments start and you have a plan in place, things get better. You have Googled stage 4 lung cancer. That is a very scary thing to do. Many of us started out doing the same thing and many of us, I am sure, also went right to bed for a week after doing so. BUT, then you get up, shake it off and decide that you - or your loved one - is not a statistic and you FIGHT. Look through this site, read some of the stories in the "My Story" forum. My story is there. I just passed my 5 year anniversary of LIVING with stage 4 lung cancer. I am active and happy and enjoying everyday. The next thing is the communication problem you are having with your dad. When I was diagnosed my children were about your age. I can tell you that telling my children and seeing them so sad was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. It is still the hardest thing for me when scan time comes around, not the fear that the scans will bear bad news, but that if they do I have to make my children sad. So, I am sure that is what your father is thinking also. We parents are like that - we are supposed to take care of and comfort you, not the other way around. Talk with him. Tell him that not knowing is making you more scared than knowing. Ask him to give the Dr. permission to talk directly with you if you have questions or concerns. Ask him if you can go to his appointments and infusions to give him support and be another ear for him. Come to this site often to ask questions. You don't have to be incredibly strong. This diagnosis will knock the legs right out from under the strongest person. You just have to be an ear to listen and a shoulder to lean on. Now, I know all families have different dynamics. I know that how you handle this is totally between you and your parents and that each situation is different. And, I know that you are new to this, young and scared so being home with your family might be the best thing for you and them for awhile. When I was first diagnosed, I still had a child at home and the other two only lived a couple of hours away and came home on the weekends as often as possible. But what IF they had moved back here and given up on their dreams? They would have been sitting here for 5 years - 5 years - instead of going to college, starting their careers, going to graduate school, falling in love , living their lives. I have gotten so much happiness, joy, and pride watching them live and grow. It is such a comfort to me to know that my disease did not stop them from living. So, just consider that. Be there for your parents, but please don't let the cancer take away your chance to live. As you find out more about your Dad's condition and treatment, please keep us updated and again, check out the other forums, you will see that there is a lot of hope here. peace - Janet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dianew Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 I also want to welcome you to this group no one every wants to belong to. Everyone else has already given you such good advice and there is not much I can add. I would only emphasize that it takes time to adjust to news like this, for the patient as well as the family members, and it is true that once a treatment plan is underway things begin to look a little better. You need to take care of yourself as well, in many ways I think it is easier to be the patient than a family member. Janet's advice is especially helpful I think. I will be thinking of you and your family, and I hope you do come here often and let us know how you are doing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sapnathakur Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 god this has hepled me tremendoulsy too. My dad was told he had stage 1 then overnight after surgery the doctor came into the room and told us in front of our dad and mum he had stage 4 i cant shake off the look i saw on dads face. He has been a pillar of strength all his life and to see him like that is beyond what i can express. He was talking to me last night at the hospital (i stayed with him) that take care of mum and i really tried so hard to be strong. I feel like im having a bad dream and will wake up everrything around em feels false and strange like its a dazzed. He had surgery few days ago and we were told this yest. He begins his chemo after pet scan scheduled in two weeks so taht he can recoperate from his surgery (he had the tumour removed). I dotn know what to do how to act i feel lost. the doctor told us infront of dad that 12 months survial rate i keep looking for postive stories for hope.\ thanks all of you for that hope love sapna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sapnathakur Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 hi all, Thanks for the inspirations. I wanted to ask you, my dad has a softer voice now meaning he can't speak as loud, its only been 4 days post operation for lobectomy. Is it normal? he was coughing lat night as though something was stuck in his throat, so i gave him sale and warm water to gargle and then some honey. He didn't cough then and slept well. thank love sapna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eric byrne Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Hi Sapna, Welcome to LCSC,its a pleasure to meet you,I am sorry to hear of your Dads dx,particularly the revising from stage 1 to stage 4,following his surgery. The outset of the lung cancer journey by the patient, family and friends is at its most difficult to come to terms with,everything comes with such a unexpected shock,coping with the dx,is just unbelievabley difficult,there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel. I have gone through this experience,as all the buddies here have,there are many survivors here,with many different forms of lung cancer and stages who have fought this disease far beyond in time scales what their doctors originally predicted.Doctors can only guestimate,only God knows actually.I have a friend Robert Lowe,who in 1993,was dxd with SCLC, was given only two months to survive,during his chemo regime,was hospitalised,during which on more than one occassion,his family were called to his bedside,since his doctors did'nt think he would see the next day,but Robert had other plans,he made a full recovery to the amazement of his doctors,then in 2007,he was dxd with NSCLC,had surgery and chemo,made a full recovery,I am meeting Robert tomorrow at the Stobhill Hospital Lung Cancer Supprt Group,which he helped set up.Robert is now 72 and enjoying life to the fullest. Please believe me,with the passage of time as your Dad goes through his treatments,his, and all the families anxieties will begin to subside,it may be in the meantime he will require some drugs to help him get a proper nights sleep,even anti-depressents if required,use them,its not a sign of weakness,and they will be only temporary.Your Dad does have a future,please keep up a positive attitude,it may not be a cure,but I believe it helps.God Bless,please keep in touch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cat127 Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 hi all,Thanks for the inspirations. I wanted to ask you, my dad has a softer voice now meaning he can't speak as loud, its only been 4 days post operation for lobectomy. Is it normal? he was coughing lat night as though something was stuck in his throat, so i gave him sale and warm water to gargle and then some honey. He didn't cough then and slept well. thank love sapna Changes in the voice are not uncommon due to the recurrent laryngeal nerve and how it is located in the chest. It is not uncommon for it to get damaged either by a tumor pressing on it, or when they do the mediastinoscopy to biopsy lymph nodes, or I would imagine during lobectomy surgery too. My sister all but lost her voice when she had her mediastinoscopy. There are things an ENT can do to help strengthen the voice if it doesn't come back. My sister's eventually did, though I do think it is a bit gravely since then, but it is back in strength. That's a long answer for - I would call this normal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sapnathakur Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 thanks eric and cat Im so happy for kelly may god keep blessing all of us and our family. Thanks so much for your replies and inspirations, it means more than words can express. lots of love sapna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaminkw Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 he was coughing last night as though something was stuck in his throat, so i gave him salt and warm water to gargle and then some honey. He didn't cough then and slept well. Take time for a feel good moment when you are able to aid in your Dad's comfort in what may seem like small ways. Restful sleep is huge. Judy inKW Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.