Let's talk about anger, lashing out and mood swings

[KatieB]

I recently had a caregiver write to me about her husband.

He is a 1 year lung cancer survivor who endured a gruelling surgery that left him in constant pain and his right arm is parcially immobile.. He is angry that he can no longer work, he is frustrated at his limitations. It doesn't quite matter to him that he survived lung cancer...his life sucks. He is angry, yelling and lashing out at those that love him most.

Aside from offering areas where he can get psychosocial support/counseling/medications/etc.... I don't have the experience to give advice on this situation.

Please let me know if you've experienced this, any advice you have to share and any outcomes that may help him and his family.

Thank you!

xoxo

[paulette3]

My case isn't exactly like his but I did have some issues after I was done with Chemo. My husband and daughter kept telling me I was acting "crazy" because my emotions were all over the place. I either was biting someone's head off or crying my eyes out. I finally told my doctor. He told me that when your body goes throught a tramatic event sometimes it messes up the chemical balance. He put me on Celexa once a day and it really helps me. I don't 'feel' anything from the medicine but I no longer act "crazy' and it's wonderful NOT to feel that way.

Paulette

[dianew]

I had similar issues - but for me it centered around either scan times or sometimes when family members were planning things as though I were the same person. The scans were the worst though. My husband is a "glass half full" person, and I am not. I would be getting more and more tense and he would be saying "oh, it's going to be just fine". I really felt like no one understood how I felt or how scary it was and that I was in this all by myself. Time helped -- eventually I adjusted and learned to deal with the scanxiety better. As for the physical difficulities - the permanent ones -- I don't think my family still understands and probably never will. Again though - time helped. I finally realized that there is no way anyone can understand unless they have walked in your shoes, and being angry and bitter only drives people away. It was hard for me because I was very proud and didn't want pity from anyone - so I would just be angry because I couldn't "keep up". I considered an anti-depressant - but managed to learn to deal with it myself and didn't need one in the end. But it might have helped me deal with it sooner - and certainly could have saved my husband from having to put up with my anger and depression as long.

One other thing - and I hope no one gets mad at me for saying this - but I sometimes think this type of physical disability is harder to a man to adjust to than a woman. I really do believe that women are more adaptable than men (just as a general rule). It does sound like your husband could really benefit from at least a temporary anti-anxiety medication. I hope he will consider it.

[RandyW]

yes it is harder on a man.. We are the rock in the home ! The provider! The Guardian. The keeper of the security and peace. the King. and it is hard to let go of that!! it is like ripping our heart and soul out and saying you are only here to get better. we hate to be nurtured and it goes against our tough guy Chuck Norris Image of our selves. it is a hard blow to our ego to be told your no longer in control of your home and your family. it is your wife's job now.. and being too proud to talk to your spouse is even harder. Some medication or some human therapy might be some good in this situation. It is not really your husband being your husband it is what the disease has brought on that is scaring and bothering him I think.

When Deb stopped working and took care of the house it was ok by me because we made ends meet. she did what she wanted to do and i supported her so the roles were reversed but being one of a handful of guys here this is my take on things.. I hope he gets some support and help and some peace and comfort for both of you.. Love peace and hugs to both..