When people walk away

[KatieB]

This was another topic brought to my attention by a young lung cancer survivor. She was diagnosed at age 24. LC is pretty heavy to go thru at any age, but imagine being very young, single and the most important thing you have to do is go to work or where to meet your friends for drinks.

Throw in surgery, treatments, scans, and well... alot of those care-free "healthy" young people are no where to be found.

This can happen when you are diagnosed at any age.

When lung cancer invaded your lives, did you lose people ? Did you have people disappear or walk away?

Did they come back? Is the relationship the same? How do you handle it when people who you thought would be there for you, no longer are?

Post your experience and advice here to help others who are newly going thru the lung cancer journey.

[dave3]

Sadly as I mentioned in another thread a great many walked away...it goes with the territory sometimes I think.

[Treebywater]

Different kind of cancer for me (it was my Mama who had LC), but I think people just didn't know what to do. I had some amazing people step up to the plate and some other who didn't exactly walk away, but who just kind of went on with their lives around me. I think especially when it happens at a young age people just don't know what to do with it or how to really support you because they haven't encountered it very often yet. I'm sure it's the same sort of thing even as we get older.

[JocelynM]

Many I thought would be there went into the woodwork. I was surprised by my friends who stepped up - not who I expected. One friend later came to me and said he was scared because he had lost his wife to cancer.

One friend, a party girl who never called or came to see me and said, "life goes on" was herself, subsequently, diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. I determined to forgive and forget and spent much time with her during her final days. She said she was sorry and that she hadn't understood. And then she passed.

[michellep]

I hadn't seen this post from you Katie until today. It sure brought back memories of the isolated I lived with during my husbands battle. He came from a very large family and always seemed close to them until his diagnosis. They "ALL" stopped calling and only one of them ever came to visit him. Even when he passed and I notified them they never called to see how I myself was doing. It's so very sad when people do this....especially family. Even though my husband never said anything I know he was heartbroken that they didn't seem to care.

Myself, that experience I can say taught me a lot about never expecting anything from anyone I guess. I now protect myself by always keeping an emotional distance. I suppose in my mind it's my way of protecting myself. If you don't "ask or expect" anything, then they can't hurt you.

No doubt others will follow this and tell me I'm wrong. Maybe someday I'll change the way I feel, but until then there is one person I can count on....that's ME!

[JocelynM]

(((((Michell)))))

I don't think you are wrong. Some of my absent friends hurt me deeply. I think what you say about expectations makes a great deal of sense. And I'm so sorry you felt so isolated.

I was fortunate enough to find a support group in my city. It really helped to be around people who were going through the same things I was and to see and hear how they were coping.

Jackie