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Nick C

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Why do we play back in our heads the end days of our loved ones? Why does it seem like we don't nearly play back the good times in our heads as much?

I think the reason why I tend to replay those last days is because I now have the benefit of hindsight. I did not at that time when I was trying to take in SO MUCH. In a way I feel like I am still trying to work through it all. Because I never worked all the way through it then.

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I do the same with my parents, and I think you are right - when it was happening, I was just in some kind of fog and couldn't really deal with it at all even though I thought I was. I think the replay is, as you say, an attempt to process it all - but for me it's been 15 years and honestly it hasn't gotten any easier really.

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I, too, focus on the end days especially the last few hours when we put my father in hospice. He did not want to be in hospice and it turned out to be a terrible experience for him which I know hastened his death. My sister and I thought we couldn't handle him at home anymore but if I knew then... I do totally understand what you are saying.


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(((Nick))), I understand all to well what you are talking about. For me, it's usually at bedtime that I start reliving those horrible last days and hours I spent with my husband and my mom. As I remember , the pain is so intense and tears start pouring. I'm no closer to processing it all now than I was then. It is such a traumatic event to helplessly watch someone you love suffer and then die. I do my best to remember the good times, but I don't think I will ever be able to erase those horrible days, hours and moments from my memory and my heart.

Thank you for bringing this up , Nick. I think it helps us heal by sharing our experiences and our grief with others.



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I do this too. I don't know why other than the fact that those last days, moments an deaths were so horrific and tragic for us.

Like Randy now equally I am able to remember good times and good memories (and even some bad ones) that have nothing to do with those last days.


I think it will always be this way because we will always miss their absence from our lives.

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