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Four years tomorrow


michellep

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Well, it's been 4 long years tomorrow. It feels like the longest four years of my life. I have worked very hard to try and re-build a new existence for myself but it continues to be a daily struggle. My "new life" as I call it is far from what I had with Don and I don't want to compare but sometimes I wonder if I will ever have that feeling of total happiness again. I ask myself if this is just the best it's ever going to be and should I just accept it and cherish the memories of what used to be? I wish I had someone to talk to about Don. Sometimes when I try to tell a story to someone I know here they just have a second of silence and then want to talk about something else. I don't know if it's because they never knew him or if they feel uncomfortable with the topic.

Many of my things from moving here are still in boxes and stored in the basement. Today I went down there and opened up what I had labeled as my "memories". Many of the items I don't even remember placing in there but it did bring me some comfort as well as a few tears. There was a photo from a time I had taken Don to a place called Buffalo Bills. It was a dinner house that had a western type of show on stage. It was his Birthday so they took him on stage, put a cowboy hat on him and the saloon girls danced around him and posed for this photo. He was so thrilled that night and the picture was really sweet. For those of you on FB, I will post it for you to see.

I moved here to Illinois 18 months after Don passed to be closer to my son who had been here about 1 year before I followed. I had hopes of re-building my relationship with him but that didn't work out so well when I told him the "Bank of Mom" was closed. I feel a double loss because of it since we haven't spoken in almost two years now.

Well, enough of my pity party.....think I'm going to pour myself a cold one. Thanks for reading!

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Hi Michelle,

Sorry for the late reply,seems I had overlooked your post.I can understand your friends reaction to you,regarding Don,it does take a lot of confidence for the listener to make an adequate and considered reply in supporting you without risking saying the wrong thing. Crass things like "you'll get over it" or "look to the future not the past".All of us have had the experience of loss,parents, or perhaps as I have, the loss of my youngest sister Linda,I think its just that bit more difficult to lose your spouse,having shared so many years together.

I dont have anything wise or clever to write in supporting you only to say I understand to an extent how you are feeling in these occassional reflective moments when something triggers a memory.I am also sorry to read of your strained relationship with your son,perhaps given time this may recover.

Best Wishes.

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