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Please, I need advice, and I really trust you guys


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Hi everyone. Well, a very old friend of mine (we grew up together, as kids our families have taken vacations together, and we keep in touch still.)

Anyway, she was recently diagnosed with breast cancer, just turned 40, and is actually in the hospital as I write this to have, at the very least a, mastectomy. She will find out if the cancer has metastisized at all after the surgery.

So, here's the thing: I have an article from WEBMD (I subscribed to their e-mail) that says "alarming new research shows breast cancer undertreatment is common in the U.S., and experts say women may be dying unnecessarily as a result." Then the article goes on to say why this tends to happen and the possible results.

I know that she told me that if the cancer is only in the one breast she will receive the min. dosage and type of chemo..

After reading this article, which I received on Dec. 15th, never opened and oddly, never deleted from my e-mail-then I got the news of her diagnosis on the evening of Dec 26th (the night of my dads funeral mass), recalled the title of the e-mail content, immediatly read it and wanted to share this information with her and her family. I was so surprised that she was going through all of this, and was not only present at Daddys wake and funeral mass, but that she was so supportive and kind, her usual self.

I don't want to step on any toes, but think that this is some important info. that she should be privy to. I know that I would want her to do the same if the shoe were on the other foot. She is like family. What would you do if you were me, or how would you feel if you were in her shoes. I really respect you all, and your opinion would be highly appreciated. My gut says to share the info, tell her exactly how I feel about not wanting to 'step on any toes', etc..

Please, be brutally honest guys...Let me know what you think.

Thank you, in advance. Take care, love ya! deb

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Your friend knows what you have been going through and to some extent, you know what she is going through - terror, bargaining, hope, denial, etc. Even if she never reads the information, if it's from a reputable source, share it with her. She is then armed to discuss "treatment" with her doctor.

Seems if it was "mysteriously" dropped in your email and you didn't delete it and it appeared right when you needed it, it's destiny. Share the information or kick yourself forever if the article turns out correct in her case...

Just my thoughts! How wonderful to have a knowledgable friend like you!


PS Depending on her sense of humor, get her one of these...


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I would ask her first. I'd let her know I had some information on her disease that I felt was important and ask her if she wanted it. In this case I think I would stress how important I thought the information might be, but I know I'd give her the opportunity to choose whether or not she wanted it.

Just my opinion.


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You sound like wonderful friends who support and love one another. I say to share the information with her! Trust your gut. I think it would be better to share the information with her then to regret that you never had (if it ends up making a difference in her treatment). Plus I think it will show her that you care.

Good luck. All my best to your friend.

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Share the information with her.

But on my own I find that treatments for BC in the States are much

better than here in Canada.

What she has to do is ask all the questions and GET answers,

she could join a forum, and discuss with others, but never stay

passive as far as her treatments.

Gook luck


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Knowledge is power. Give her the power she needs to fight this battle.

Help her in anyway you can.

Do what your gut tells you to do. I have learned never to neglect my gut feelings. They are usually right.

Best of luck to both of you. You are both in my prayers.


p.s. the link is a hoot.

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I would send it and tell your friend that you are still receiving cancer related e-mails because you are helping in the fight since lung cancer personnaly effected your family. Tell her since knowledge is power, you just wnated to send her a link you came across and if there is any other information she needs, you would be happy to help.

I think having the info come from someone who experienced cancer first hand with her own family would be comforting. That is my two cents worth :)

What part of Long Island? I was born and raised in Holbrook, NY. Moved out to California after law school

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I'd just send it (forward it) to her, with a" FYI, in case this might help."

Short, sweet and simple.

Don't make such a big fuss. It's information she may chose to read, knowing forewarned is forearmed. She may already know it. She may scan it and do no more. She may ignore it. But it can't hurt to send it.

She will know you have her best interest at heart, I am most certain.

Do not worry so , my friend.



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Well Deb,

First I want to say I am sorry to hear your dear friend has cancer. Hugs to her and YOU!

Second I want to say, with ALLLLL the money that goes into Breast Cancer they sure as hell should be doing TOP NOTCH TREATMENTS for these patients and coming close to a cure. Where does all that money go?

Third, I'm sure your friend would want you to be just that, HER FRIEND! And if you were MY friend, I would be soooo happy and grateful that you were looking out for my best interest......... It happened to me with one of my dear friends when I had that Myxoma Tumor in my heart. She found an article and shared it with me as soon as she saw it. Well, low and behold it wasn't totally what I would have wanted to hear about those tumors, but I sure knew my dear friend was looking out for me and wanted me to be around for year to come. BLESS HER HEART!

Good luck my friend!!! I would want you to tell me!!!!

Hugs Deb,


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I would go with my instincts. Sounds like you two are very close and I'm sure she would understand your concern and caring. I agree on what Connie B said too. There is a lot of money that goes for BC. They should be getting top notch treatments if not the "Cure". She deserves the best care, just like we do with LC. Prayers for you and your friend...

God Bless


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