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Dear God why didn't they tell me??????


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After two weeks in the hospital it was determined that my Mom did NOT have TB but a lung infection that could be handled with anitbiotics. She was in great spirits and I took her home. She came into the house and I got her settled into her recliner and walked over to the TV and when I turned around her eyes were rolled back into her head and she was gasping for breath. I yelled for my husband to call 911 and they had to shock her twice to get a heartbeat. Now I just left her in ICU on a vent and she can see me and squeeze my hand as tears roll down her cheeks. She is so scared and I cannot stop crying but I don't cry in front of her. The Trauma nurse down in the ER asked us if we were putting her on DNR and we said yes. She then turned around and asked us why then did we call 911. The the Pulmonary doctor talked to my brother saying that she had only 3 to 6 months so why are we so surprised this happend. THEN the Neurologist asked me later why I didn't realize or know about "sudden death" with "her type of cancer"! Her Oncologist NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER said that she only had 3 to 6 months or that she could experience "sudden death". Would someone please tell me WHY WHY WHY didn't I know this? It is killing me that she is now on a Vent and that tomorrow they will be doing a brain wave scan and an MRI to see if she can breathe on her on. I cannot stop crying and I blame myself for doing this to her by calling 911 but I never connected her cancer with her heart stopping and now I cannot imagine what her future will bring. I am so heartbroken and feel totally betrayed by her doctors that they never told me enough. I just wanted to vent here because everyone here would understand my rage over this and my total feeling of failure to help her and how broken my heart is. I promised her that this would never happen and now it has because I DIDN'T KNOW! PLEASE pray for my Mom that she won't suffer anymore........

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Guest hopeful2

Oh Camper, I am so sorry. Some doctors just can't face the obvious when it comes to a patient's death. And also, there is always the chance they don't want to tell you something wrong, like 3-6 months when in reality with treatment they may live 3yrs or more. I don't know why they can't lay it all out up front!!!

God bless you and your mom. I hope for you it turns out well. But like you I hope she doesn't suffer.

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Guest canuckwebgrrl

I'm so sorry for you and your Mom. All I can offer is what the Dr.s told me and my family. No specific prognosis was given, (no mention of number of months/years). Nor have I ever heard of this "sudden death" phenomenon. Please don't blame yourself, you never intended this to happen.

Stay strong.

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I am so sorry you are going through this. :cry::cry: How awful. :cry: My mother's pulmonologist the day he met her to tell us about her cat scan results told us something like that. He said she could start coughing up blood, not stop, ambulance would come she would require life support, etc. He told me and my mom we should be prepared for that and we should go home that night and discuss her wishes. I think it might have something to do with the tumor causing the bleeding? But I am not sure. My mom's onc. made no mention of that ever.

I am praying that your mom gets off that respiratior. May God be with you at this very difficult time.


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