Bundle of nerves.........help!

[Angie Daughter of Bill]

I signed up on this board about one week ago. My Dad does not have a diagnosis yet, but things do not look good at all. CT shows a mass, right in front of his heart, a partially collapsed lung with obstructive pneumonia, enlarged lymph nodes around the mass and also two other areas, and a nodule(3cm) on his adrenal gland that is bi-lobular. My Dad had a bronchoscopy done yesterday. We have an appointment on Thursday of this week to get the results. After the bronchoscopy, I asked the pulmonary Dr. what he thought........his gut feeling. He said, "I don't like to guess at things. We will have his test results on Thursday. It could be a malignancy or it could be TB or something else." Then I said to the Dr. "I am not the smartest person that God put on this earth, but if you REALLY thought that my Dad has TB I would think you would admit him to the hospital so fast that it would make my head spin!" The doctor and the two medical students who observed the bronch all just looked at the floor. After what seemed like forever, the Dr. said, "We just won't know until Thursday." The expression on his and the medical students faces pretty much answered my question!!

I am soooooooo scared about the Thursday appointment!! It seems all I can do is cry!! Everywhere I go..........Walmart today.....crying while picking up a box of cookies.........then at the register, the clerk asks "How are you today?" I responded "I'm fine." Then my eyes filled with tears........crying again. Then it was off to get our taxes done.......crying in the accountants office. In the car........hear a song on the radio.......crying again. My heart starts pounding, then the tears start flowing!! My poor husband.....he doesn't know what to do except just hold me. My poor kids(ages 7 and 12).......I haven't told them anything yet. If they catch me crying, I tell them I have a bad headache. (which as of lately is really not a lie!!)

A couple of my friends suggested that I see my family physician. My friends say that I need something for my nerves. I have never needed or taken anything like that. If I do get something like that, is it going to impair me to the point that I can't drive or function. I have to be able to drive. I have no brothers or sisters who can drive my Dad for his appointments. My Mom and Dad are divorced, so it is up to me.(and my husband)

If anyone has taken these "anxiety" meds, let me know if they help and if I can function with them. Thanks!

Angie Daughter of Bill

P.S. I have only posted twice since signing on here, but I am reading daily. O.K.....I am reading A LOT! I admire so many of you already!! Dean Carl....you responded to my first post. For that I thank you. But man, you have some great advice and in some strange way, you remind me of my Dad. (Your live life to the fullest attitude, recovering alcoholic, several things) David C........are you the fiesty one of the bunch?? You look like it..........must be the hat!!LOL! (which by the way is really cute!) Norme.........you seem to be a rock! With everything that you are going through, I feel so ashamed to post how scared I am..........maybe your strength will rub off on me. There are so many more of you.........too many to list. Please know that I pray for this board daily. I pray for the caregivers, patients, and the doctors. Thank you all for listening to my ramblings............I'm not even sure if I have made any sense at all!

[kimblanchard]

I am so sorry Angie. I know everytime we have gotten bad news, it absolutely floors us for a couple of days, and then we get on fighting. The hardest times are the times between taking the tests and getting the results and then developing a plan.

Remember that there is always a chance. There is no cancer that is always fatal. So there will be a plan. And then your focus will be on the treatments, getting through them. And the shorter term your focus, the lesser the anxiety. At least in our case.

When we keep a short term focus, then we can have a good day. And then another. We don't know how many of them we have left, for tomorrow is promised to noone, but we are determined to live them one at a time.

As for medicine, I don't know. Good luck, and take advantage of each day. Here's hoping this is all better than it looks like from the doctor.

Curtis

[DeanCarl]

Angie,

As I said before ... no matter WHAT diagnosis your Dad ends up with there are folks here who have survived it, should it turn out to be cancer.

And of course you are scared. Even the POSSIBILITY of a diagnosis of cancer would scare anybody. Don't EVER be ashamed of what you're feeling!

Now, on to more "practical" matters. My wife has been on anti-anxiety medication for years (some might say it's due to living with me ). They have not impaired her much at all. So if anxiety is adversely affecting your life and you can't seem to get a handle on it, visiting your doctor might just be a real good idea. The more you can do to help yourself the more you'll be able to help your Dad.

Here's praying for the best possible outcome for your Dad ... and for you.

Dean

[TeeTaa]

So sorry for what you're going through, Angie. I can't imagine trying to handle it all by myself . . . there's a whole bunch of us, and it's STILL overwhelming. As far as anti-anxiety drugs are concerned, talk to your physician immediately, as he/she probably won't hesitate to put you on something, but it may take several days or a few weeks to work. Personally, I've been on Zoloft for quite some time (well before all this), and it makes what were extremely high highs and the lowest of lows much more manageable. I liken it to a roller coaster that's been straightened out a bit! And no - I really don't have any side effects . . . my kids are four and six, so I have to be able to function.

Also, just as soon as we got T-Bone's diagnosis, they put Ann (his wife, and my sister-in-law) on Xanax for her nerves. I don't think she even asked for anything!

Good luck with your battle. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow as you get the test results.

Blessings,

TeeTaa

[Angie Daughter of Bill]

Thank you so much! Boy, I sure got rid of some of my anxiety in my earlier post, huh? I Just got out of bed, logged on and re-read what I had written. I didn't realize that it was so long. (Sorry about that)

One of the causes for my anxiety is my Dad's attitude with all of this. He says that IF it is as bad as it looks, he DOES NOT want to pursue any treatment. He just wants to do what he has to stay comfy. I know that it is a very personal decision and I respect that. I guess I just don't understand it. My Dad is a quiet person........he doesn't talk about his feelings very much, so asking him his reasons is like asking a brick wall. Dean Carl, maybe you could shed some light on this subject for me. If you would like to e-mail me personally, please do so.

I will be calling my family physician today. I do think that I need some anti-anxiety meds of some sort. I am really a control freak and I can see that this is all going to be out of my control. But hey, it's in God's hands for all of us and who can we trust more?

Thanks again!

Angie

[Ry]

Oh can we talk Angie! When my husband was first diagnosed I think I cried almost continuously for days. I cried in the grocery store, everywhere. The medical people at the hospital all remember me because I cried so hard the first day there. We were making an appointment for a CT scan and I saw the secretary on the phone look at me and she said, "she's (the hospital scheduler) telling me she remembers you because you cried so hard." Of course, that brought it all back and I sat there crying!

I also got panic attacks, so my doctor gave me a perscription for Xanax, don't need it all the time just when things build up and I need to get my breathing back to normal. So you might ask about that.

All the best, let us know~

Rochelle

[J.C.]

Angie,

It is always different for each person that face a report of LC,

and for the familt around.

Your father is at the phase: no treatment, just comfort,

but he may change his mind.

Just follow his decision and let him know you are there for him.

On my list of prayers.

J.C.

[Debaroo]

Angie, I, too can relate to your emotions being on overdrive. When my dad was first Dx I was crying constantly. I was on line at Marshalls and the checkout lady was complaning about how long the lines were and how busy the store was-blah, blah, blah-now this was NOT a good time for me (last April, as Dad continued to fight the lung cancer, my mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer-so I was in NO MOOD for this lady to be b#*ching about having to do her job! :twisted) so, I said the first words that came to my mind "both my parents have cancer, waiting in line is the least of my problems" Her attitude adjusted accordingly-I felt like a voiceover should chime in, like those milk commercials, except the voice would say "GOT PERSPECTIVE?"

My dad took it all, to me, 'too well'. I thought, "oh, this poor man, he has NO CLUE!" then, after talking with my dad I realized, he had more than a clue, he had the whole thing in a nutshell. He knew that his illness was terminal, but would do what he could to get more time, and accept whatever he got. The most important thing to him was to be able to enjoy his time. THAT IS KEY.

After dads last chemo, he decided "no more" and we all understood, and supported that decision. Though it made us sad. I really respect that you are respecting your dads decision, and as JC said, maybe when you have more information, he'll change his mind. If he dosn't, I'm sure you'll be just as supportive.

As far as your getting a perscription to help you, talk to your doctor. We all need a little extra help sometimes, so that we could deal and take care of the usual business of life, not to mention whatever emotions the cancer throws our way. As the Beatles said "whatever gets you through the day", do what you have to, you don't need to get yourself sick, too. I forget the name of the medication that I was perscribed, but I DID get it right after the incident at marshalls, as I found my being BLUNT, I have a tendancy to call 'em like I see 'em, but I was being more ABRASIVE than anything else. I guess I went from crying to kind of lashing out (I am not proud of that).

So, talk to your doctor, and coming here is also a huge help. We welcome you with open arms. Let us know how things are going, with both you and your dad. Do you have family to help you get through this, besides your husband and children?

Take care, and I look forward to 'seeing you' . Deb

[Angie Daughter of Bill]

Thank you all again.......really from the bottom of my heart! As I read everyone's story, usually I am crying. I'm crying for those of you that have good news to report(happy tears) and I'm crying for those who have bad news.(Heart wrenching tears) The tears I shed here are different though...........I feel like .....well darn...... can't find the words. .....the tears here are helpful. The tears in public, they come from fear! Those are the ones I can't stand.

Debaroo, you asked about family.......well, my Mom and Dad are divorced, so I must rely on my Dad's side of the family. He has a brother and sister in law.............work all the time.......never around. He has his mother, but she is 73 and not in real good health. He also has a sister in law, but we lost he husband, my Dad's baby brother, to a brain tumor one year ago this month. She is still in no shape to deal with this. So, sounds like it's pretty much up to me, huh?

Thank you all again!(she says as she is crying.......crying because she is thankful for this place and all of you wonderful people!!!!!!!)

May God richly bless you all!!

Angie Daughter of Bill

[Snowflake]

Angie,

I had a follow up with my family physician right after my diagnosis (she was the one that ordered all the tests leading to the discovery and I felt she should be kept "in the loop" - and I still do). Prior to the biopsy, she had prescribed Ambien and Xanax for me due to not sleeping and anxiety issues with the 'what-ifs'. When the monster under the bed actually stepped into my life and surgery was in the very near future, she wrote me new prescriptions and gave the same prescriptions to my husband (she wasn't his physician at the time)..

Xanax is good if anxiety is not a constant problem. When having periods of high anxiety, I pop one and can breathe again without that iron band around my chest..

Talk to your doctor, maybe the long-term will be better, maybe just the occassional - your doctor would know what would be best in your case.

Good luck!

Becky

[Connie B]

Hi Angie,

Well, I think your in the SHOCK MOOD and rightfully so. I won't suggest any med's for you, but you might want to hold off just a week and see how you handle things. Sometimes we are a LOT stronger then we think we are.

I also want to suggest that in Minnesota the Amercian Cancer Society has a program called "Road to Recovery" They pick up cancer patients and take them to there treatments, doctor's appointments, etc. And this is all FREE. At least it use to be. The drivers are Volunteers that offer there time, car and gas because they are caring, wonderful folks that in MOST cases have been touched by someone dear to them with cancer. So, call the ACS and see if they offer this in your area. If they don't they might know of an organization that does. Or check with the Hospitals Social workers, they can help you out on getting your dad riides as well.

There is HELP out there, you just need to know where to look.

God Bless and Good luck to your Dad. Stay strong my dear, you can get through this. We will help you the best we can.

[karen335]

Hi Angie,

I am so sorry you have to be going through this with your father. My heart goes out to you and just remember you and your father are not alone. We are family here and you and dad have been adopted to our family. Please come here often and get all of your frustrations and thoughts off of your shoulders. You can't do this alone, you have us to help get you through the hard times. Keep the faith, believe and trust in healing from our Lord...

God Bless and gentle hugs for you...

Karen

[paddy]

Dear Angie,

My heart goes out to you. Try not to panic and wait until you know exactly what you are facing. It may not be as bad as you are imagining now. My thoughts and prayers are coming your way,

Paddy