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My worst fear has been confirmed....


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I am absolutely devastated!!! The pulmonary Dr. gave us my Dad's biopsy results.......NSCLC(squamous cell) I can not stop crying!!!!!! He will be having a PET scan done on Monday. On Wednesday, he will have some pulmonary breathing tests to see if he can function with only one lung. IF the cancer is operable, the whole left lung must be removed. We will find out the stage, if the tumor is operable, etc. on Thursday. Four appointments in three days next week!! My Dad has gotten REALLY quiet. He is not saying much at all. I just don't know what to do. Please continue to remember my family in your prayers.

For those of you who took time to answer my post about taking some anti-anxiety meds............I have an appointment with my Dr. tomorrow. Something has to give..........I can't go on like this. I am ill with my children, ill with my hubby, crying all the time.......the list goes on.

Thanks for being here!! Many prayers for all of you!

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(((((Angie))))),

It is certainly ok to feel what you are feeling right now. I know it seems like the rug has been pulled out from under you but I can tell from your posts that you are a strong person and will be able to deal with this. The important thing right now is to gather as much information as possible to be able to assist your father in his treatment. We will all assist as much as we can because you have become part of the "family" now and we all stick together. Prayers for your father and family.

God Bless,

MO

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Angie,

Okay, TIME OUT! Find someplace quiet, someplace away from everyone else, someplace "comfortable" and face the monster head on. DO NOT RUN FROM IT, it will NOT go away. Take several deep breaths and take a look inside yourself. Find where your strength is and draw from it... Remember how horrible this day seems to you so you can put the rest of the days in perspective as the horror and shock wear off a bit (they will, you will have other days of horror and shock, probably, but nothing like the initial...)

...now, as for your father being very quiet... Let me tell you from experience, hearing the news that YOU are the one with cancer, NOT someone on the news, NOT someone down the hall at work, NOT someone in the carpool, NOT a neighbor, but YOU is something that will knock you on your *ss mentally. It's inconceivable - and it's true. VERY hard to deal with....and then, there's the realization that it has NOT won yet and that you are going to fight it with everything that you have and even if it DOES win, it will NOT be an easy conquer, the monster will have to fight all the way to beat you down. I experienced some of the worst time in my life mentally, physically, and emotionally through this disease - the surgery HURTS - a lot, emotionally it all takes a toll - mortality is something huge to face, and mentally? Well, that's the BIG battle. Knowing statistics and spitting in their face, living with doubt, knowing that even though there may be no sign of it now, it can come back at any time and turn your world upside down... But DAMN! When you make it through ALL THAT, and win some of those mental battles, overcome the pain and all the other crap, BOY, does that feel GOOD! ...and then, although you may not want to engage the enemy again, you're up for another battle...

Angie, here's some perspective for you - he's not dead! He has cancer, but he's not dead! You still have time to spend with him, it wasn't a coroner calling you that that "random beer truck" won the game of Chicken. Make every moment count and remember how dear he is to you. Some day, he WILL die, you have been reminded that no one lives forever and given a chance to make it ALL count - take that opportunity and make sure that he LIVES in the time that he has left (months, years, decades, NO ONE knows for sure!).

Hang on, Angie. It's a wild ride. Keep your hands inside the car and make sure the bar is across your lap, it'll try like hell to buck you. We'll all be here when you need someone to hold you in...

Becky

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when we hear the words "____has Lung Cancer, the fear engulfs us, and we spin into panic mode, and spin out of control.

You've already taken one huge step towards bannishing the fear, by educating yourself on what your Father has, and what to expect.

I want to let you know that a diagnosis of Lung Cancer is NOT an automatic death sentence. Your Dad will go through the process of learning about what he has, and then he will make the decisions about what treatment -if any- he chooses to have.

This isn't going to be easy on any of you, but with each other to lean on you'll make your way through it.

Wishing you some comfort through the knowledge that you and your Dad are not alone in facing this...and that many are here to help you both.

Best Wishes

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I am so very sorry to hear the bad news Angie. Lets hope that your Dad is able to have an op. If that is so then there is a lot of hope. Even if he can't have the op there is still hope. I had a friend who had the same kind of cancer they suspect your Dad has. He was given 6 weeks to live and four years later he is still going strong :!: Hang in there!

Prayers and positive thoughts to you and your family,

Paddy

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Your post sounds all too familer to me. I was diagnosed in 3/03 with the same dx as your dad. Left lung - complete removal - CT Scan and oh yes the bone scan and brain scan. Let's don't forget the PET Scan now. I was never told what stage I was but my tumor was 7 1/2 cm in size and was not operable. I was never told it was inoperable but my surgeon did tell me he didn't know if he could get it once he got in there, so I assume he meant "inoperable." My surgeon reccomended Chemo/Radation to shrink it. My oncologist wanted to go with Carbo/Taxol and 25 radiations at the same time. By the time I ended my chemo/radiation the tumor had shrunk to only a micro-scopic trace. My surgeon was able to get it all out and now I am doing real well at the present time. All my doctors said it was amazing how well I did. My surgeon said that it was a result of "PRAYER." I don't know what your religious belief is but I can tell you, as well as others here, that Prayer does change things. If can be of help in answering anything for you now or after the surgery feel free to ask away. Whatever you do for goodness sakes, stay with us and keep us updated on your dad. Will be adding you to my Prayers.

Bruce

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Angie,

I'm sorry to hear the results of your dad's tests. Hang in there, take a deep breath and fight this monster. It is hard to hear the diagnosis. I know I went through the same thing and so did others here. Just remember we are here for you and your dad. You will find a lot of support and knowledge here. You and your dad are in my prayers...

God Bless

Karen

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I really appreciate all of you taking your time to respond to me. I know I have got to get it together, but I just can't bring myself to pick up this load and put it on my shoulders! I am normally a very strong person, but I am no match for this!! All of you have encouraged me concerning chemo and radiation. The trouble is, my Dad does not want to fight. He just wants to "let nature take it's course". The only time he would consider radiation or chemo would be for palliative reasons. (Just to keep him out of pain) I admire the fight that all of you have. You should stand tall and be proud of yourselves. Maybe if I can grab just an ounce of that fighting spirit from each of you, I can keep on trucking. Thank you all again.

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I really appreciate all of you taking your time to respond to me. I know I have got to get it together, but I just can't bring myself to pick up this load and put it on my shoulders!

Angie,

I don't think you quite realize that you have already picked up the load! If you hadn't picked it up, you wouldn't be going through the spiral right now.... You ARE strong enough to handle this, you just need to get through the "acceptance" part. You cannot change the facts, you have to accept them. Some of the hard part is separating "facts" from "statistics". Your father has cancer, THAT is a fact. However, your father is NOT a statistic.

Work through the panic, Angie. Breathing exercises (like the "natural childbirth" breathing techniques) help. Something I have picked up in life is this: Find a place where you are alone. Soften the light, lay down on the floor and take five deep cleansing breaths. Be aware of your breathing, FULL and slow breath in, hold it for five seconds, full and slow exhale and begin again - five times. The anxiety will bubble up in your chest - go with it. CRY, relax your body and let your MIND deal with what is going on up there. RELEASE the pressure, keep up with the deep breathing and the tears until you can breathe without the pressure on your heart - that iron band that won't let you even take a deep breath right now...

NOW you will be ready for the news next week. I'm pretty sure "worst case scenario" is running through your head right now. Deal honestly with what you will do if the worst case is true (but don't dwell on it, set aside some time to think on it and then step away) - THEN, if it IS "worst case", you are prepared...and if it's not, WOW!

Angie, you CAN do this. You have the strength, you have the will and you have a NEED to do this WITH your father. Channel it, find where your strength is and keeping going. If it's too hard to deal with the "big picture" set your goals to one day at a time, one step at a time. Talk to your father, share information with him (only information you think he can handle), DON'T tell him he's 'going to die' - give him incentive to LIVE...and show him "proof" that people can survive this disease, print out some posts from here.

We're all here for you Angie in the virtual world, but you have to take the step in your real world. Keep us in your thoughts and your actions should follow.

Hugs to you,

Becky

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Angie, I have no idea how to get your father to want to fight, but maybe if he reads some of our posts he will see that chemo, radiation and/or surgery are all something we can deal with. I had this DX 2 years ago, had chemo to shrink it some and then 2/12/02 had the entire left lung removed. ByApril when it got warm enough here I was planting flowers in the yard and I was 69. Losing my hair and having surgery aren't so bad when I consider how many things I have enjoyed these past two years. I do hope he will change his mind and fight. In the meantime you need to do as some of the others have advised-take a deep breath, sit back and look at the overall situation and then turn it over to God. He will help you through whatever you have to face. God Bless you and your family.

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Angie

My heart goes out to you. Just know in your heart that you are a wonderful daugher who loves her father with all her heart. Your heart and its love will lead you to the strength you need. I am more in yoour dad's position right now and please understand that is hard for us. We don't know what to say or do because we can't take away the burden that we feel we have caused. We never want to see our children hurting. Never.

With all my love

Elaine

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