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Hi Everyone.  This is not a group that I ever imagined I would have to join or any group for health issues. I am so thankful that there is a group like this because I have so many questions and just need some support or to talk to people going through the same thing. My mom was battling breast and lung cancer a couple years ago and they thought they treated it all. The lung cancer came back last year and she finished Chemo this last Feb. We thought we were in the clear and now she has been diagnosed with stage 4 Lung Cancer and it has spread. SHe was just diagnosed last Thursday and I don't have the full name of what she has. I will report it later. I am in shock as well as she is about the diagnosis. We can't believe it came back. It has spread to her Spine, Liver, Bones, Chest area, her vocal cords are being affected and she sounds like she has laryngitis. But doesn't.Now that they say it is terminal, I have so many emotions and wish this wasn't true. I need help on talking to her about end of life stuff and it's hard to be around her without thinking of the inevitable and I want to know what she is thinking. She doesn't say how she is feeling. I can tell she is sad and she cried but she won't say anything else. This whole cancer thing just sucks and I have never hated anything more than I hate cancer. SHe is 61. I have 3 other siblings. We are all grown. I am the oldest at 45. I still feel like a kid around her. Any support would be helpful.

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Hi Teresac,


I'm glad you found this site.  I have found a lot of valuable information and support here.  My mother was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer in 2008.  At the time, she was 76.  She was pretty much prepared but it was still quite a shock to her and I remember her saying she wished she could just talk to her mother.  The time we had between her diagnosis and her passing was very beautiful - sacred even.  We tried to enjoy every moment possible. 


Now, just a few short years later, I have been diagnosed with stage IV NSCLC as well.  I turned 50 in August and it was quite a shock!  I think that this diagnosis is quite a shock no matter what age a person is. I know for me, I try to only share positive feelings about this with my loved ones.  Partly that is because I want to spare them unnecessary worry and also because I don't want them to think that I am not planning to do everything I can to live. I have heard a quote several times to expect the best but plan for the worst and that is what I am trying to do. I feel most supported when my loved ones are present with me and, occasionally, I can open up a little.  As a wife and mother, I am used to being the one who steps in and helps and I believe it is hard as a mother to be vulnerable with my children.  I am working on that.


Know that I am sending positive thoughts along with this reply.



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You are so right, cancer especially lung cancer, does indeed suck!  I wish I had a magic wand to waive this horrible disease from your mother.  I don't.  When my treatment options were narrowing, I had a great deal of difficulty sharing what I was feeling.  I was afraid.  That is likely what is affecting your mother also.  You have time.  Spend it recalling memories, funny stories, the family holiday that went wrong (everyone has one of those BTW).  Help your mother understand that palliative treatments can ease pain and discomfort so she'll have time to gather the clan and remember the good times.  Holiday season is upon us.  Plan a family gathering.


I felt like a kid around my mom until the day she passed.  I suppose that is a universal feeling.


Stay the course,



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Hi Teresac,


I'm sorry you have to be in this group but glad that you chose us.


I can't add much to what Tom posted above. A family gathering is a wonderful idea as Tom suggested. You could even ask friends and family to put their funniest or most memorable memory on a piece of paper as a gift for her, and you could place it in a wooden treasure chest that she can access easily and you all can reach into it when she seems sad. 


End of life planning is not something that anyone really likes to talk about. We have a list on our resources page that may help you http://www.lungevity.org/support-survivorship/caregiver-resource-center/end-of-life-planning/preparing-when-death-is-near


Please keep posting and letting us know how you are your mother are doing.



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