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STAGE IV and currently on hospice


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So 12/4/12 diagnosed; carboplatinum/taxol chemo, 4 rounds; cyberknife to the brain, radiation to the chest; tarceva oral maintenance chemo; Nivolumab, 9 sessions.......told it's not working, you have six to nine months to live, set up hospice and get your affairs in order....Okay, did that....Living on Morphine and praying I make it to January 10th for a cruise I planned with my family....Some hope I may prove them wrong.....when the pain kicks my *ss, less hope...this is the hardest thing I've ever done.....Life looks so different from this angle...I am 54 years young, mother of 27 and 22 year old...had plans of making my accomplishment list a little longer than that.

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I've read your post a dozen times trying to find the right words.


There are no right words to characterize what you are going through, what you've gone through, what you have yet to encounter.  I've been where you are and skirted on the edge of life.  I don't presume to know how you feel, but I know what I felt.  It is the hardest thing I've ever done.


I remember a last Christmas gathering.  Made it through that and then there was spring to look forward to.  At some level, for several years, I just kept setting little milestones for me to experience and lived from event to event.  I know you will make every day special.


I pray you make that cruise, then another and go ahead and prove them wrong.


Stay the course.



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