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I feel guilty which I know is ridiculous.....


Andrea

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Well tomorrow is a big day--it is my bridal shower. I feel soooooo guilty, why should all of this hoopla be done for me when my mom and so many are fighting for their lives. I don't want to celebrate, I want to understand how we have a robot on Mars, but no lung cancer cure.

Poor Natalie is mourning, people are suffering, and I am supposed to put a big smile on and pretend all is ok and I am the happy blushing bride?

My husband and mom don't want me to say anymore "what's the point of the wedding with cancer". I can see their point, yet I just feel guilty.

I guess on the bright side, my mom will be there tomorrow. I am nervous though, it is an hour drive to my mother in law's house (my dad is driving her) and we have a meeting with caterer first. She had chemo yest, so my eye will be on her :)

Anyway, I just wanted you all to know that you will be in my hearts tomorrow and as I am opening up presents, I will be saying lung cancer prayers for all of us!

Thanks for listening to my neurosis :)

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Andrea

Take a day off from cancer and enjoy your shower. No one wants you to feel guilty. This is your special day and your mom would be the very last one to want to take the happiness it should bring you away.

Cancer robs us of so much when it comes into our lives. It takes away our peace of mind and our security. Sometimes it takes our dreams and our future. What it doesn't take it batters until those things are so worn that sometimes we don't recognize them. Don't let it take anything else from you and your family.

Your mom has started fighting it already with her treatments. Now it is up to you to start fighting it with your life. Live your life. Win this one battle then go out and fight to win the next. If you can't win this battle with this beast how can you expect your mom to win her's?

Every day we see on here where someone is either fighting or winning one small battle at a time. That is really how most wars are won. One battle at a time. Just like one step at a time and one day at a time. You have to start somewhere. Please start tomorrow. Give that special day to not only yourself but your mom as well. If she sees you having a good time she will feel comfortable and maybe she can forget for a while. A rested mind and spirit are stonger for the next battle.

Thumb your nose at cancer for at least this one day! Let it know that it has a long fight ahead of it and you will be up for the fight right along side of your mom.

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Thank you. You are right. Cancer DOES rob us. The cancer fear is probably with us forever and we cannot let it win.

I know that I have to have a good time tomorrow, my mom knows me sooo well, she can smell if I am sad even if I have a smile on. So I will enjoy the attention for the day, be grateful, live in the moment, and then go back to worrying after ;)

The emotional roller coaster we are all on is so amazing. And I really am proud of how we are all battling. This website is such a wonderful place to share your fears and know you are not alone. If other people heard me, they would not understand the emotions.

Thank you!!!!!!

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Enjoy your day to the fullest. Life goes on no matter what. I enjoy going to celebrations more than ever since I was diagnosed with lung cancer. I now celebrate every precious moment much more than I ever did and rejoice in my friends and families special events. If my daughter was getting married I would INSIST that she enjoy everything that every bride is entitled to and I am sure your Mom feels the same way. I am sure she is just happy she is here to see you celebrate.

Bess B

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Enjoy your day to the limit and your mother

will also enjoy it, she wanted you to have it

and it is a present from her, so make the most

of it and your mother will be refreshed by all

the love present.

Do not let cancer rob you of happiness, take

all you can everyway you can and as often

as you can.

Happy day.

Hugs

J.C.

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Hi,

I really can't say it any better than others have said in their reponses but I can tell you how much I think your Mom will enjoy today.Since my diagnosis on Christmas Eve I have been having informal gatherings in the woods here where I live every Saturday.I build a fire and people just drop by and we eat and talk and laugh and it has done wonders for my spirit.Look at the picture you posted and look at the happiness in your Mom's eyes.That is the way she wants you to be.So go enjoy lady.Put this awful disease on the back burner for the day.Life does and will go on.She would much rather you enjoy than for you to feel guilty.The emotions you are feeling are natural but you can beat it with a smile.Take care and I hope you have the bestest wedding shower ever.I know that,for myself,since diagnosis I worry a lot more about my family than I do about me.I know how happy she wants you to be and how much she wants you to enjoy.So go for it.Love and prayers to your whole family.TBone

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I just want to tell you to have a good time- as good as you can- and I know that the entire time you will be so thankful and greatful that your mom is there with you.

I graduated from college in May 03 and my dad was in the midst of his most rigorous chemotherapy. He was week and fatigued. the last thing I wanted was a graduation ceremony--wooo hoo for me, right. ? Here I am supposed to be "starting" a new journey when the journey my dad was on was so horrific and uncertain.

But you know what daddy did? He left his wheelchair at home, he struggled with a cane and the arms of Rick or my mom and walked that incredible LONG walk to see me graduate. He sat there and as bad as he felt and as sick as he looked- he SMILED for me. He was happy to be there and happy to see me.

One more memory for us to have forever.

It wasn't the way I would have liked it, but I wouldn't have traded it for the world.

You CELEBRATE the good things, because without them, the bad will consume you. I thank God for letting me have that.

Congratulations, take LOTS of pictures and HAVE A WONDERFUL TIME>

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Andrea,

As a son AND a parent myself I can tell you this. You don't need to feel guilty if you don't want to. You see, you can give your Mom a wonderful gift during all the hard times she's experiencing. A gift to lift her spirits and warm her heart.

That gift? The gift of seeing her daughter happy.

Believe me, there is NO better gift a child can give their parent.

Dean

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Thanks everyone! I am all set to go and ready to kick cancer tushy and have today be one of my mom's happiest days!!!!!!!!!!!

It is a bit pressure cancer aside b/c I don't know most of the woman, it is being thrown by Brian's mom's friends and his mom told me that she put me up on a pedestal, so people will be expecting me to walk on water, so the pressure is on. She said "good luck kid" ;)

I already called my mom excited this morning and told her I am turning into her. Normally she is vain and I am laid back. But today I am travelling to LA with my makeup kit, brush, hairspray, and three shirts so my mom can decide which I wear :)

My mom said something yesterday--she said every day she is alive, she is filled with more hope because the more chances for newer better treatments. I like her attitude!

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Andrea,

My dear firned (and sister), I agree with what Dean Carl said, it is the gift of her seeing you happy, and I know it is hard to enjoy yourself. Trust me I have the guilt of feeling sorry for myself when I can't do things like buy whatever I want and afford to go out, (because I am on Hiatus) and then I have to stop and think how awful I am, but the truth is.. .life must go on, and eventhough my Mom is sick, your Mom is sick, poor Nat is in mourning, I still do have to pay my rent and ofcourse I am going to stress, Ya know what I mean? Like you have to enjoy your shower and your Mom wants you to be happy, we can't all become Pollyanna's either. Right? Big hugs to you and pleae email me later and let me know how it all went.

Your friend and supporter, 8)

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest daddysgirl

Funny, I feel the same way....my dad has stage IV (bone and liver mets). He has been in the hospital for 2 weeks and has no determination to beat this thing. My wedding is supposed to be on 9/25. Everyday I think...should I move it up so that my dad can walk me down the isle? This planning process isnt fun without help from my parents...yet I know that being with him and his care is more important. Hope you had a great time at your shower. Prayers are with you.

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My husband and mom don't want me to say anymore "what's the point of the wedding with cancer". I can see their point, yet I just feel guilty.

Andrea -- I must say that I agree with your husband and mom....."What is the point of the wedding with cancer" you ask? The same point of MY wedding a few weeks ago while dealing with cancer.....because we are alive and celebrating the wonderfulness of being in love!

I know that your shower has passed and I hope you (and your mom!) had a marvelous time. Never feel guilty for allowing yourself happiness in your life. You have a lot on your plate, for sure, but you also deserve much happiness -- and I am sure your mom wouldn't want it any other way!

Fondly,

Heather

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