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I think my father is giving up..


shellybug68

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Dad has been in quite a bit of pain lately and they have changed his meds to Cadian (sp?) a morphine based med because he can not seem to get his pain below a 8 with the Lortab. He was taking so much of the Lortab they began worrying about his Liver. He has been sleeping about 90 % of the day and has become incontinent with both bowels and urine. He stopped eating pretty much a few days ago. I have been trying to get him to eat here and there but its one bite here one bite there and then he just falls asleep during it. I am afraid he will choke, so I have stopped pushing it so much. His tumor on his esophagus has grown apparently because he is having problems just swallowing liquid and his meds. The hospice nurse also told us he has some lesions on his ribs which she figures is mets to the bones now. The hospice team has been circling my house now for the past few days on a regular basis and asking me about his DNR and Living will and then yesterday they had the chaplain come out. I am starting to think that they feel it wont be long and the nurse said all they can do now is just keep him comfortable. I have been here so many times now that I am prepared for it I think, but it still hurts to see him in so much pain and the decline has been so fast. He has become very confused and it is hard to understand him sometimes but I still try to hold his hand and talk to him time to time to let him know I am here. He said the other day when he was a little more together that he felt it was almost time. I have heard that some people do know when they are going to die. Have others experienced this? Well I just really wanted to give an update on what is happening with my father. I read the posts everyday. Knowledge is everything and this board always feeds my quest for that knowledge. I appreciate all of you. Take care, Shelly

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Shelly, from what you say, I think your dad is ready to be released from this life and move on to one without pain and suffering. You should continue to communicate with him and, if you can, tell him it is okay for him to move on. Lucie had to do that with her mother, who died of a brain tumor. My prayers are with you. Don

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I just wanted to thank everyone for their prayers and well wishes. The hospice nurse just left and told me that his decline is going fast and that it will probably only be a few weeks. She told me I should contact family members if they want to see him while he will remember it so they can say I love you and share memories because she said it may only be a few more days to a week before he is unaware and they will keep him comfortable. She said it will be peaceful as they will daily continue to watch his pain and increase as necessary. I am really not as taken back as I thought I would be at this time. I guess I have seen it coming and it will probably hit me worse later when he is gone. I have to be strong for my teenage son who is very close to him and my sister who is trying to get down here. Take care everyone. Shelly :?

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I went through the same thing you are going through right now, two weeks ago. It was one of the hardest things I had to do. As long as your dad is comfortable, that's all that matters. I think my mother knew she was dying and she started to disassociate herself from us. All I can tell you, is to just talk to him. Tell him everything you want to say. I think it does them good as well as you. You both will be in my prayers.

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Shelly, my heart goes out to you. I lost both my parents within 11 months of each other when I was just 24-25. My dad died of a heart attack and my mom died of peritonitis after gall bladder surgery. It is hard, but you can go on. I figure if we live the best lives we can, being ourselves, then they live on in us, and we are a tribute to them. Good wishes. Don

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