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I'm a devastated daughter


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Where to start, this is such a complicated and long story. My name is Ashley. My mother, my best friend, my absolute everything was given weeks to live with whole brain radiation. The last several years I've watched this women suffer and be put thru hell and she has fought and fought! My mom is 63 years old. In 1991 she has a total hysterectomy for cervical cancer. In 2015 she was diagnosed with anal cancer. She did several rounds of chemo and radiation and was cleared of tumors but the damage the radiation had caused her left her very very sick for about half a year, throwing up constantly and severe stomach pains. Finally in March of 2016 they figured out her intestines had been badly melted and she required surgery to have a temporary colostomy bag. During that operation she developed a blood clot in her leg from her legs being in stirrups for several hours. She laid in the hospital for five days screaming in pain, five days later she is sent to a larger hospital and they have to amputate it, several more complications occur during this time but not relevant to cancer. Finally Nov of 2016 she goes in for surgery to reverse the colostomy bag. After surgery for several days she was short of breath which wasn't normal. They find out she has a collapsed lung and tons of fluid in the other requirng at least three procedures. Thanksgiving we are told that she has stage 3 non small cell lung cancer. She does several rounds of chemo and radiation again. The most aggressive form of both. Aug 2017 we are told the tumors are gone. Thanksgiving of 2017 she falls (she's an amputee remember) so his has happened before. Well this time after she falls she is acting strange so she is taken to urgent care to make sure she didn't hit her head when she fell. The do the scan and tell us she has two brain tumors and would be transferring her to a larger hospital. She is put in icu immediately because of swelling on brain. This is Thursday. On Tuesday she undergoes brain surgery to remove small pieces from the largest tumor to reduce some swelling. We are told there are several tumors. Stage 4. A week after surgery she is sent to a rehabilitation hospital where she spends three weeks. Then to another rehab/nursing facility where she is currently. A month and one day after her brain surgery we are told she only has weeks to live possibly seven months but this is with radiation to the brain and it comes with devastating risks.¬†Idk if I mentioned that this is lung cancer that spread to brain. She started WBR on Wednesday, last week. So it hasn't even been a week. She's had three treatments. She should of had five already but the side effects have became unbearable. After the second treatment she started having diarrhea, a sore throat, became confused, couldn't remember the last time she had ate or took meds, stared quietly off into space but was still able to play a few rounds of bingoūüėÜ After third treatment she started shaking, her hands were cramping up pretty bad and she is now unable to move with out assistance. She still pretty confused. The nurses thought maybe she had flu or pneumonia and did some test that were negative so said it's gotta be the radiation. She is fatigued bad, sleeps constantly, this just started too. I'm so terrified that doing the WBR to give her seven months instead of the few weeks without treatment is destroying her quality of life. She wants to continue to fight. My brother is getting married and having a baby..something that she really doesn't want to miss. I'm so devastated. Idk what to do. Im so devastated. I'm not ready for her to go. I'm begging if anybody has any advice any hope anything. I'm begging from the bottom of my heart please help. Thank you for reading,it's long, I know.¬† This is someone so important to so many people.¬†

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Wow, it sure sounds like your poor mom has been through an awful lot.  She must be one tough cookie.

I'm afraid I don't have much in the way of experience or advice to offer you--my own cancer was fortunately caught early and I've been lucky enough to need minimal treatment.  I just wanted to welcome you and send you a word of encouragement and support.  The only advice I can really offer is to follow your mom's lead on this--if she wants to keep fighting to make it to those important family events, then that's the right thing for her.  

There will be others in this wonderful community who will probably have more helpful input in terms of medical experience.  Hang in there.

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I am so very sorry to hear about your mom.  I want you to know that you are not alone.  There are others on these forums that cannot see their lives without their parent who is fighting cancer; I am one of them.  Although my mom has only had 2 bouts of cancer - both lung cancer and has not gone through the immense amount of treatment your mom has endured, I too am scared to death to lose her.  I have no medical advice, in fact, I have no advice at all. I just want to share with you that you are not alone and I am truly sorry to hear all that you and your family has had to endure.  I wish there was more I could offer.  Your family's journey has touched my heart and I will be thinking of you.

Take Care,


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You are going through one of the most devastating times any one has to experience.  Watching a parent be torn down by cancer as well by the related treatment is so hard to watch much less understand - especially considering she was there for you your entire life.   When I was in my 30's I went through this with my mother who died of pancreatic cancer - cruel way to go.  I was there until the end to comfort her.  I also went through this 2 years ago with my wife who died of LC that evolved into brain cancer - this too was difficult to endure.  I was with her to the end.  Both my mother and wife fought valiantly and showed such great dignity - what a powerful and humbling legacy they left behind.  My message is to cherish every moment and live for the next day.  Talk to her about good times and accomplishments - you'll rely on these memories down the road to get your through long days.   Your mother's battle can be an inspiration to you and your family so keep encouraging her.  There is also the consideration of quality of life that each patient decides for themselves.  You need to support her if she feels she has gone as far as she can.  Cancer is ugly and takes many victims, make sure you take care of yourself so you don't become an innocent victim .  Your truly are not alone.  My thoughts are with you.

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Hi Ashley,

 Your mom has been through so much, and so have you. I''m sorry things are hard for you both.  I tagree withothers who responded that decisions are your mom's to make at this point and since she has chosen to continue to fight,what you can do is follow her lead and support  her. My mom died of metastatic breast cancer. She opted to discontinue treatment when the combination of disease symptoms and treatment side effects caused her quality of life to be really poor. These decisions are always difficult and heart-rending.

Is your mom seeing a palliative care doctor? If not, this might be helpful. Palliative care is to help relieve pain and other symptoms, both of an illness and of treatment. Some people think palliative care always means hospice, but it doesn't. A person can have ongoing treament to combat the illness and palliative care at the same time.

This forum is a good place to find information and support.

My heart goes out to you and your mom.

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