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It has been a while.


Austinb1985

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Hello All! 

It has been a while since I have posted an update about my Mom. My Mom was diagnosed July 4th weekend with small cell lung cancer ( which ended up being extensive) ☹️ Her plan consisted of 6 chemo treatments. Very aggressive chemo 2 different kinds. The names of which escape me at the moment. With each chemo there was a complication, which put her in the hospital. With each treatment things with her body got worse. New problems and new hospital visits. The 4th visit being and 8 day stint. With each new infection, The antibiotics which were to help her damaged her kidneys. She got a staph infection in her pic line. She had 3 blood transfusions because her blood dropped so low. Her platelets too! Now she is maybe 3 weeks since her 4 treatment, the doctor wanted for her to gain her strength before the next treatment. My Mom got really Ill the last time. It took her a very long time to get stronger. She still isn’t at her best. Her oncologist gave her two options, a weaker, less strong chemo, or radiation. My Mom just had her visit with radiology today.  It wasn’t good news. She has cancer in her right lung, lemp node on her  trachea, and on her liver. The doctor said they do not radiate the liver and she could get very sick with this treatment and it could only prolong her life maybe a month, and she will probably be Ill up until the end. She has decided to have no more treatments. I completely understand why. I am just not ready to accept it. These next few holidays may be my last with my Mom. How do I make them special? I have moments of uncontrollable tears! Moments of uncontrollable sadness. I don’t want my Mom to die, but I also don’t want her to suffer! Thank you for your support and also for listening!  

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I'm so sorry to hear what's happening with your mom.  Your times of uncontrollable sadness are really normal and understandable.This is  tough on you. 

Is your mom getting hospice? If not, I suggest you explore it. Hospice could help her avoid unnecessary suffering andhave a meaningful life in the time she has left, They could also help you with your grief and loss issues This could help make your last holidays with her special.

 My mom, who lived in a different state from me, had metastatic breast cancer and decided to discontinue treatment which was disabling her.  After a few months, she took a sudden turn for the worse and was hospitalized. I went to her then and arranged for hospice and I stayed with her. She didn't live long and the hospice people were wonderful. She was peaceful and pain free until the end. They were kind and supportive to me also.

I wish for peace and comfort for you and your mom.

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I'm so very sorry. I hope you are able to spend some quality time with her and build on the memories you already have with her. I ditto everything Bridget says about hospice. My experience with it has been very positive. I will be thinking of you and your family.

Take care,

Steff

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Austinb,

I also faced hard choices during my treatment, so much so, that we investigated stopping treatment and entering hospice.  My wife was brave and supportive; I was very much less so. Those deliberations occurred nearly 13 years ago.  Since then, I've had to re-order my thinking about life.  My experience with lung cancer resulted in a dramatic shift from the future to here and now, to everyday pleasures, and to the company of people closest to me. I live in the day.  The only future expectation I have is our next vacation.  I had time to grow into that framework.  But, my wife got there first.  Maybe you can be your mom's coach to help your mom enjoy the time she has.

I find it absurd that I was once obsessed with measuring and predicting the amount of future life I might have.  What was the good of measuring if I didn't do anything enjoyable or meaningful with the time I had.  How do you make your mom's days special? There are innumerable ways.  Make the forthcoming holidays abound with family and friends.  Tell the family stories.  Remind your mother of her youth. Help her live till the end and don't morn till she passes.

Stay the course.

Tom 

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