Obsessing Again ! slow grow Good News ?

[Soscared]

Hi All, if you read my post about being terrified, you already know but, just in case ...... in July of 17 I was told I had a SPOT on my Lung.   I chose to Ignore it because I was Too Terrified to find out about it ... I know , very Dumb !    I have OCD & Panic Disorder, I always said , I don’t want to Live knowing WHEN I’m going to DIE ..  I had Bronchitis & Sinus Infection first part of December.   I already had been having very Shortness of Breath ( heavy smoker ) & I had to use my Husbands inhaler from time to time.   Well.... ER Dr. brought the SPOT back to the Front of my mind & I starte getting Panicked & Obsessing!   I went to the Original Primary that wanted me to have a CT in July of 2017 . I read my chart while waiting for her , it said I’ll defined Mass upper right lobe , very good Probability of being Malignant, CT recommend ...   Mass measured 2.1 ... fast forward December 2018 , ER SAID mass was 2.7 so ....   17 months  it has gone from 2.1 to 2.7.   .   Should I Consider that SLOW & good news?   I’m waiting for a CT to be scheduled.....  I hadalways read that anything Under 3. Was considered a Nodule & they Waited ?  Now I know Different !    LexiCat  reassured me that it doesn’t mean a Death Sentence But Probably WAS malignant.   I also have done Not much of Anything but research the Internet for information ( not Helping me ) but it’s my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, driving me CRAZY !!      The internet said that upper lobe was More of a Probability if in the upper lobe !    I have NO FRIENDS, NO FAMILY to lean on or even talk to .   My Husband is Disabled Veteran on Oxygen for Asbestosis & 10 more Health Issues ...    he is a a Very Quiet man , we don’t talk much at All .   He is ALWAYS positive, I’m Always Negative.  The last ER Dr. he saw told me if my Husband were not Such a Good Natured POSITIVE PERSON , he most likely wouldn’t be ALIVE !    He’s been Disabled for 14 years ( emergency brain surgery) for an Aneurism...   then little by little he started Collecting stents in his heart, developed Asbestosis, has sleep apnea , high blood pressure, sugar diabetes etc..... in the past 9 months he has had 2 Emergency Heart Surgeries & 3 Heart Procedures, 2 Brain Surgeries ( aneurism was Leaking ) had to have the coil Replaced etc..... I was a BASKET CASE , he took it All IN stride !   I was TERRIFIED at All the Surgeries & at times I wanted to Slap him for Joking with the Dr & Nurses while I was in a Panic & Crying with Fear ....  I have also read & heard that by the time Lung Cancer showed up on an X-ray , it was Too Late ....    my sister had an X-ray ( it was Clear ) she passed 18 months later with SCLC....   this just has me in a Tizzy & beside myself !    I don’t know How to navigate this site at all , I did read at one point , my first post had 10 views ( a week ago maybe).    But only LexyCat replied ? I guess I’m Expecting too much from this site but without Any Friends or Family , I Feel the NEED for communication of any kind ... I’m Sorry if I aggravate anyone, not my intention at all , all I can say is DESPERATE . HUGS& PRAYERS to all .

[LexieCat]

I'm sorry this is so difficult for you.  It's not easy for any of us, but you really have to take this one step at a time.  First, if the internet is scaring you, stay off it.  There's some good info out there, but there is so much of it, and a lot of it with lung cancer is scary to read, and a lot of it will be completely irrelevant to your situation.  

Second, get as much testing as you can, right now.  The more you know (and the doctors know) about the details of your particular cancer (assuming that's what it is), the less you will have to worry about and the more they can focus on how best to help you.

And third, find some mental health support.  There are a few people here who had to deal with serious anxiety, especially around the time of diagnosis.  They were prescribed anti-anxiety medications and/or talked with a therapist.  Ask your doctor for a referral.

What you read about it being "too late" once the cancer is seen on an X-ray is simply wrong.  Based on the size of your nodule, you could still be considered Stage I, which is the earliest stage.  It's impossible to say for sure without further testing, but it's definitely possible.  But you do need to move on it because it progresses.  

[Soscared]

Hi LexiCat, THANK YOU once again for your encouraging reply.  Considering what I wrote , it’s the best I could have expected.    I’m “ waiting” on the CT....& take it from there. As far as an anti anxiety med ? I’m on one of the Best . It’s not just the possibility of lung cancer that has me so worked up, that’s just what my mind has chosen to Focus on......     believe it or not the lung cancer concern is the Least of my LIFE Issues , the other issues are too painful to Focus on .   I don’t need a Therapist to tell me that & I can’t afford a Therapist.      HUGS, PRSYERS & a Million Thanks To You ..

[LaurenH]

Good morning, soscared,

My name is Lauren and I am the Digital Community Manager for LUNGevity Foundation. We are happy to help you find reliable information and helpful resources to support you during this difficult time and to help you feel connected.

I am glad to see that you've already connected with LexieCat, who has provided excellent guidance and advice. The members of this community have a wealth of personal experience navigating a lung cancer diagnosis or caregiving for someone with lung cancer. We've found that it's easiest for our members to provide information and support when other members ask specific questions. We do think this community can be a great resource for you - we just want to help you get the most out of it!

A vast majority of our members have experienced the "scanxiety" that you've described, which can be a major source of cancer-related distress so they may be able to provide you with some coping strategies that helped them get through it. Once you have more information from your CT scan it will be easier to ask specific questions and then members can share their personal experience and/or provide reliable, medically-vetted information that they've found through careful research.

In addition to this site, you can also call the Lung Cancer Helpline to talk with an oncology social worker to  talk about better understanding lung cancer and its treatment, learning new ways to cope with lung cancer, managing emotions such as anxiety or sadness, talking to your family about lung cancer, and more. The Helpline is available Monday through Thursday, 10:00 am to 6:00 pm, and Friday, 10:00 am to 5:00 pm (Eastern time) and you can call as often as you need. The toll-free number is 844-360-5864 (LUNG).

I am happy to provide additional information about LUNGevity's support programs and resources.

We are here for you!

With gratitude,

Lauren
--
Digital Community Manager
LUNGevity Foundation

[Lisa L]

I wanted to reply to this because I can hear your anxiety and fear.  I went for a random ct scan in Dec. they found a small 9mm nodule in lingual, 2 weeks later I was sent for a pet scan and nothing lit up, if the nodule had lit up they would have been more concerned this was cancer, but also with that said sometimes a nodule that small does not, so have you had a pet scan?  I finally got in to see  pulmonologist a couple of weeks ago and the original ct said the nodule looked spiculated (which in the nodule world is not good) when he looked at the pet scan he didn’t think it looked spiculated (ofcourse my mind won’t let me hear anything good so then I start thinking well the ct has a better pic then the pet 🙄) so we do the watch and wait and I go back middle of April to see what this thing is doing, my anxiety is off the hook and I’ve convinced myself that it’s already doubled, which the likelihood is slim.  My dr put me on Buspar to deal with this anxiety, anyway hang in there just wanted you to know you’re not alone.

Lisa

[Soscared]

Hi Lisa L , Thank You for the reply, you have no idea how much I appreciate it. I’m Very Sorry you are going through this , Obviously we are on the same page .     I’m Still Waiting to get a CT Scheduled !  They are taking their Sweet Time ........   I’m already taking Xanex ( for too long ). So I just have to deal with the Anxiety.    Sending You Hugs, Appreciation & Prayers.... please keep in touch & let me know how you are doing If you are comfortable doing so.  

[Road bum]

I have stage 3A adenocarcinoma. I just started my third round of chemo on Friday. It is scary their is no doubt about it. I did the same thing you did when I was originally diagnosed. I researched everything I could find and it got me so far down I had to reach up to tie my shoes. The first time they said it was gone I was elated but I knew in the back of my mind it could come back. 

It did but it wasn’t the end of my world. The mass was smaller than the original one so they started me on another round of chemo. To make a long story shot it came back again 3 times the original size. I’m now on my third round of chemo. 

My wife is my only caregiver and I know that when I am down it drags her down with me. So take your cues from your husband. It sounds like he has a great attitude and if you will let it it will lift you up also.

Hang in there and live life like you mean it but just one day at a time. I find it really helps to forget about tomorrow to the extent that you can. Worry is just going to make you ill and you don’t need that.

Each day is a blessing from God and I refuse to ruin something that is so beautiful by letting all of this get me down.

Ron

[Lisa L]

How are you feeling?  Did you get a ct scheduled? Just checking in on you.

 

lisa 

[Soscared]

Hi Road Bum  & Lisa L.   , Thank You So Much for taking the time to reply .  I really do Appreciate it..... I am sending Hugs & Prayers to you ..    Lisa L. , I can’t navigate this Darn site !    No , they have not called me to schedule a CT yet !   I’m so scared I’m in no Hurry so I haven’t called & Asked WHY they haven’t . March 7th is my B Day , I just as soon Wait till After ... Why ? I don’t know , no cake , no friends, no celebrating etc......just a game my mind is playing I guess ....HUGS & Prayers 

[Lisa L]

Well us Pisces should stick together mine is St Patty’s Day, I mean everyone parties for my bday.  Can I ask how old you will be?  My pulmonary doc did feel like I was youngish for LC, really I’m 52.  My dad died of LC at 76. My advise for you is do not ignore this because 2.7cm sweets is much different than 9mm, by know means am I trying to scare you but you immediately need to push your doc for a ct and pet scan because even though it’s growing slow it’s growing, did they tell you what the nodule looked like?  That’s important, also if I’m correct your sister passed away with lung cancer , so these are the things you need to consider, trust me I don’t want to think about any of this but I’m also going to do everything I can to jump on this to make sure it’s stage 1. Please keep us updated ..hugs 

[Soscared]

Hi LisaL , I’m Already SCARED !  I almost told you I Wish Mine was As Small as yours but I didn’t want to make Light of your situation & compare it to mine !    I will be 66 , my sister was only 50.    I don’t Want to Die , it’s Human Nature But .....   I’m in such a Heartbreaking situation, I’m thinking maybe it would be for the Better .   SAD BUT TRUE .....  it SCARES me to THINK about dying though , I make No Sense even to myself !     I haven’t pushed for the CT because I’m So SCARED to know .....      I’m a Negative person & that’s NOT GOOD EITHER !    My Brother committed Suicide just over a Year Ago .    He must have felt much like I do .   Life as I have known it is OVER ....    it will NEVER be the Same & I will NEVER be HAPPY AGAIN.   I don’t Smile , much less laugh . No Friends , No Family ( that speaks to me ) I’m very Lonely on top of the Heartbreak I’m going through !   I have an Angel of a Husband , 45 Years in June . He is in BAD health & I Sure as Heck couldn’t have made it this Far Without Him , I Want to go BEFORE he does.....   Thanks For the reply .... HUGS to you also 

[Lisa L]

Ok I will tell you I lost my best friend my mom on Dec 14, she was not sick at all she was very healthy and  84, she just didn’t wake up, I am also going thru a divorce, and then a day later I find out about this nodule..so yes life is not fair at all..but what I am not doing is acting like it’s not happening..it is..please don’t hide behind fear because this could be something that is stage 1 ..but if you continue to ignore could be stage 4 ..

[Soscared]

LisaL, I’m so sorry to hear about all of this happening to you .    My Confession, My Husband & I have Raised our 9 year old Granddaughter Almost ALL her life . I had to Convince my Son my Grand baby was being Abused & Neglected by her Mother ( they were not married ) finally I had to get CPS/ DCF Involved .  My Son had No Rights !    The Mother would go off on drug binges from 4 days to 4 months at a time . She Threatened All Of is that IF we got her in Trouble, she would leave the State & Sell the baby !!      She came off a drug binge one night , my Son was Finally FED UP & told her to Get out of our Life . The baby was spending the night with me & Grandpa , she brought the cops & took her .... she had her for 57 days & would Threaten ME that she was going to sell her , take her out of state , we would Never see  her again etc......    I got my Son a DNA , an Attorney & was finally able to Convince DCF that she was abusing her etc......     I DID EVERYTHING, not my Son .    I Convinced her to let her stay with us until her & my Son made up ( I knew by then ) he would Never let her back in his life .   We finally went to Court & with All the Evidence I had ( and Attorney) the Judge granted my Son Soul Custody!    My Son hardly saw his Daughter for the first Year ...   then he gets down & out & Ask to move in with us .   He came in & out while WE Raised & Devoted our Life to this Precious child .   He was in & out of her / our life All this time .  We Supported her , enrolled her in School , took her to Therapy ( she has FASD ) from mother doing Drugs while pregnant.    My Husband & I have been there 24/7 for this child that we couldn’t Love More .The first Therapist we saw told us Not only did this poor child have PTSD BUT more than likely we All did because of what we had been through.   My Son Changed , became Angry at the Least little things & it continues to Escalate. He is 42,but acts 15 . He recently met a 22 year old with a 5 year old boy , fell in Love ( as Always ) .   He was living with Her 5 days a week & see his Daughter on the weekends , he has been doing this with Different people every since he got Sole Custody. He Loves his Daughter But has No Clue how to Raise her , the 22 year old he is marrying March 30th is just a Child & doesn’t know How to Raise her Son either !!   They moved in with us for almost 5 months , ignored us most of the time & acted like 2 15 year olds in Puppy Love , the kids came Second ....     we started Arguing about the way my Son would talk to & Treat our Granddaughter.   The Girlfriend was Jealous of OUR relationship & closeness with our Grandchild & had my Granddaughter calling her Mommy , she told me that SHE was her Mommy now    So .... she was not Happy !  Fast forward , our Son became so Verbally Abusive to US & towards our Grandchild that we couldn’t take it anymore, we HAD to Evict them .  That was a month ago , they won’t let us see our Grandchild.... we went to lunch at her School with her , she wanted to spend the night with us but my Son won’t let her !    She must be One Confused little girl, not being able to See her Nana & Grandpa That has been there 24/7 for her ALL her life .....    my Son has told me 100 times that he wish I would Die , he Hated me , I was never going to see my Grandchild again etc.... in Front of my Grandchild !    So .... One child , One Grandchild ( we Raised as our Own ) & I have Lost both of them at the same time ! I have NO HOPE  for any kind of Future for my Grandchild.   I Mourn for her Daily.   To say my Heart is Broke is an UNDERSTATEMENT !   I knew about the Mass 17 months ago but because of my Sons Mental Problems, I was Afraid he may end up in Jail or Worse . I didn’t want to be bald headed if I had cancer , DCF / CPS knock on the door ( if anything happened) & see that I wasn’t Healthy Enough to take care of my Grandchild so they would put her in the System !   I have a Distant relative that works for DCF & she told me NOT TO TRUST THEM , she Didn’t ! Not to mention ( long story ) we had Horrible issues with DCF IN THE PAST !    So ..... I Literally have gave my Life for this Precious Child & this is what I get ?    Me , Grandpa & our Grandchild were a Family But .......that’s my story .      I used to TRY to have HOPE & now it has become a WORD that means “ to prolong the Suffering “ !    My Son didn’t Physically Abuse our Grandchild Do DCF Said NOTHING THEY COULD DO ......