Junebug17 Posted March 6, 2019 Share Posted March 6, 2019 Hi all. It's getting close now. She's starting that rattle, but just the beginning. I was sitting in the chair and a thought came to me...kind of an epiphany. I got a little angry because God wasn't taking her quick enough for me, then I thought that we all have free-will all the way up until we die. I believe that God is ready to take her, but she's fighting subconsciously, through her free-will, to fight. It could be that fear may preventing her to go home. Perhaps, unfinished business that she thinks that is not finished and/ or a slight fear of dying itself. So, I stopped being a little miffed at God, which is unlike me and changed my prayer. I asked God to help her to stop fighting and to help her to let go. He is not a punishing God, that I know. He's waiting for her, but she not willing to too "Let go."... Anyways that was my epiphany today. Love, Aileen P/S...She's been praying to go to heaven since my Dad died 2 and half years ago of pneumonia...sixty years of marriage (sudden death) and the passing of my sister, who was fairly young, to pneumonia a year ago, also. She is a devote Catholic and has a lot of faith. It's been a rough few years on me as well. My brother passed suddenly to a heart attack at the age of 38, twenty years ago. I'm grateful she had me last because I was and still am, there to help her transition. That was a long PS... Whoosh... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LexieCat Posted March 6, 2019 Share Posted March 6, 2019 Hi, June, It's not always a matter of will, I don't think. Remember, our bodies are programmed to keep us alive. The biology keeps working till it's worn out. Mental state can sometimes affect it, but sometimes it just has to run its course. I'm sorry--it's difficult and distressing to watch, but as I said, probably more for you than for her. Hang in there. She's lucky to have a loving daughter to see her through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steff Posted March 6, 2019 Share Posted March 6, 2019 Aileen, I'm sorry for all of the loss in your life. You and your mom are obviously fighters. When I went through the deaths of my grandparents (within 48 hours of each other), my grandpa held on longer than we all thought. I feel it was because he still had "work" to do. In his final weeks, he would ask my mom to make sure his contractors got paid (he was a retired, self-employed carpenter) and would tell my mom where the checks were and how to do it. He had been retired for over 30 years at that point. I believe it was his way of tying up loose ends so that he felt more comfortable to leave us. Maybe your mom still has some "work" to do. Whatever it may be, I hope that you can find some peace during this process. I am thankful that your mom had you to look after her. Take Care, Steff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BridgetO Posted March 6, 2019 Share Posted March 6, 2019 Hi Aileen, You did have a profound insight--that your mom's life and death are not up to you. I had two thoughts. First, since she is a Catholic, have you had a priest in for a sacrament? Seocnd, have you told your mom that it's Ok for her to let go and that you love her and will miss her but you'll be OK? I hope you and her have peace and comfort. Bridget Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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