No Treatment

[Guest Shari]

My dad was diagnosed 5 weeks ago with Stage IV Lung Cancer w/mets to the brain and adrenal gland. As soon as I heard the diagnoses I knew what he would say. No Chemo/No Radiation. Although I expected it the reality is harder to live with. In such a short amount of time there have been so many changes in him. I understand how he feels, yet I'm not ready to let go. That will be my biggest challenge.

I have been reading this board and others like to try to find out what to expect. I know no 2 cancers are the same, but I've never had anyone close to me have this disease. Luckily I am the oldest of 8 and my brothers/sisters and I have been relying on each other's support to get through this.

If anyone has any advice for me I'd be glad to hear it.

Shari

[kimblanchard]

Oh Shari -

I'm so sorry to hear about your father. How old of a man is he?

I don't have any advice other than make EVERY day count.

You are so fortunate to have so many siblings to count on.

I'm an only child and Mike's half brothers; one lives in CA, the other in FL and we are in SD.

There are many times I wish I had a brother or sister to "unload" on...as you can only do to "family". I have many friends but it's just not the same!

Hugs,

[Deanna M.]

Shari,

I am so sorry to hear about your Dad's LC. I agree with Shannon, the best advice is to make every day count. So sorry you have to go through the effects of this horrid disease.

[Guest marta1]

Hi Shari,

So sorry that you have to be welcomed to this board...but you have found a group of amazing, strong, FIGHTERS!!!

My mom was also just diagnosed with stage IV...she is 45 and also adamantly denied starting chemo/radiation...she always said that if she got cancer she wouldn't get treatment...But we went to the Dana Farber in Boston where an amazing doc told her that chemo may actually make her feel better! He said that the cancer, if left to its own devices, will probably spread everywhere and just contribute to making her feel more sick...

This is how we convinced her that chemo is an option...If it doesn't slow or stop the disease the first or second time around then we agreed, as a family, to leave it up to a higher power.'

Your dads diagnosis isn't a death sentence...but everyone has the right to do what they feel is best for their own bodies....good luck to you and your father..I will add you to my prayers

Laura

[Karma1976]

I agree with Katie, he should maybe think about it. I mean i think people do have to weight the getting really sick from chemo and still not having an effect or just opting for no chemo and living your life. BUT It doesn't have to be a death sentence is right!! My dad is stage IV and although i know he was not liking the fact of chemo...he did it cause it is worth it to him to give it his best shot to try to beat it. I mean when you think about it, it is no different then getting really sick in some other way.... like chicken pox or measles or scarlet fever...if you do not fight any of those they will take over and take your life too, so why is cancer different?

[Don Wood]

Shari, maybe your dad would come around to treatment if he understood the benefits vs the side effects of the treatment. The doctor should present that to him, so he can make an educated rather than an emotional decision. Ultimately, your dad has the right to chose his own path, as hard as that may be. Right now, he needs your love and support. Perhaps with that, he will think more clearly about it all in the near future. Right now, he is very scared and feeling depressed. My prayers are with you and your family. Don

[Carleen]

Shari,

I am so sorry about your father. Welcome and come often, you will find comfort, support, and true friends.

I know it is every cancer patient's decision as to what path they take and which battles they choose, but I also know there are so many misconceptions as to cancer treatments.

Most people think that chemo side effects are so bad, that it is worse than the disease. And I have to admit that possibly in the past it was. I've lost two loved ones already to lung cancer, and aunt and an uncle. Both about 6-7 years ago. They both experienced extreme nausea, pain, and low quality of life. But innovations in medicine have been made that can really improve the quality of a patient's life to where the benefits of chemo far outweigh the negatives. Yes, it is still a difficult fight, but we can't win, if we don't even try, and there are so many people who are winning this battle every day, one day at a time, for extended periods of time.

Ultimately, you have to respect his decision, share each day you have and love each other. Just try to get him to know all the facts before he makes such a final decision.

My thoughts and prayers are with you,

[Guest Shari]

Thank you to everyone who responded.

First off my dad just turned 60 in December. A couple of weeks after the diagnoses my step-mom told me that if they had found the cancer earlier she felt he would have sought treatment. Unfortunately the doctors felt that he had had the cancer for quite a while. They also told us that at this point treatment won't make a difference. He has quite a few tumors in his brain including one on the brain stem. That is how we found out about the cancer. He had a seizure and was found in his car unconscious. It took 4 days for him to wake up and we almost lost him then.

I am looking on this time as a bonus. If he hadn't been found when he was he wouldn't be here now. I may not feel like I'm ready to face this but as I said we could have lost him a month ago and not had this time to prepare.

One of the hardest parts is that he lives 5 hours away from me. While it is within driving distance, it's not like I can run over after work. At this point I am going down every other weekend. Depending on how things go I'll go more often as needed.

Thanks for letting me ramble. It helps to know there are others who know what I am going through.

Shari

[Tiny]

Dear Shari,

I'm so sorry for you and your dad's situation. It has to be wrenching to be in the position of wanting to encourage him to fight on and on the other hand wanting to honor his wishes and not put him through something that may not help him anyway. I have no magical words of wisdom . I'm glad you have the support of a large family and that you are able to visit as much as possible. As you say, this time is a bonus and it sounds as if you are making the most of it. Prayers for strength and God's grace coming your way.

[Guest DaveG]

Shari:

I have been gone for a few days, or I would have responded sooner.

I will be 60 in October. I was a 18 month Stage I, NSCLC Adenocarinoma Survivor. On April 18, after undergoing several post op scans (6 monthe post op from my surgery last September), and a PET Scan on April 16, I was told that my cancer was back and that I have systemic mets to my lymphatic system. I have been restaged to Stage IV.

Here's my point: no one has to tell me what my chances would be without chemo, I have been around long enough to know that statistic; my oncologist asked but one question when she gave me the report of the PET Scan and the biopsy, that question was: What are my intentions? My wife answered that when she told the oncologist that she would like me to be able to celebrate our 50th Wedding Anniversary in 18 years. When I was asked if I was in agreement, I said not just yes, but ABSOLUTELY YES.

I am facing 6 cycles of Carboplatin/Taxol, plus a clinical trial over an 18 week period starting May 5. Given the alternative to Chemo, there was no decision on my part, it was a no brainer. I have many rounds of golf I want to play, I have about 6 States to get to and I will have all 50, I want to see my grand children graduate from high school and go on to college, and, just maybe I might be able to become a great-grandfather in the process.

Life is far too precious. Life for me is not over. None of us here asked for lung cancer, no matter what our past behaviors may, or may not, have been. No one really knows what causes lung cancer. If they did, we would have the cure.

I am not expecting chemo to be a "cakewalk". As a matter of fact I am preparing myself for the worst case scenario, but that is not going to stop me. If I get sick, nauseous, and end up puking my guts out, I will be puking cancer cells out of my body. When I lose my hair, which I expect will happen, as each strand of hair falls out, there goes another cancer cell.

My oncologist simply put it this way, I am not to expect that my cancer will be cured, but I am to expect that it will be arrested and brought under control. My oncologist told me, point blank, that I am to reserve the first dance, at my 50th Wedding Anniversary, for her. And, by God, she is going to get that dance.

I believe Winston Churchill said this "Don't Ever, Never, Give Up". I am not going to give up. As long as there is the means to keep my cancer in check and under control, I am going to take that opportunity.

I am going to go one step further with you, my phone number is 608-963-1750. (Anyone in the group who wishes to copy my phone number, please do.) Call me, anytime, day or night. Have your father call me.

Lung Cancer, no matter what Stage, is surviviable, and we have over 250 people here, who will tell you that, in no uncertain terms. If 30 year olds can survive lung cancer, than most certainly someone twice that age can do the same.