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I did it to myself part II the sequel


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I used to diagnose patients looking at hematology. I couldn't figure out how a needle biopsy from the center of the mass wasn't good enough especially when they"got it from the middle"

    So I met up with DR Google and I found the answer. When the cancer has done it's job in the middle everything is already dead. It could show up on the PET scan as positive because all the action is going on outside of the tumor. 

     But in a way I am getting some practice normalizing in case the bronchoscopy comes back bad. 

    Any it still stands. I Did It To Myself.😨

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Oh my friend- this is absolutely the worst time. It  does get easier.  Regardless of the result, it’s not the end of the world however the beginning of a new one.  In time you will see that good can come from this experience  

We all understand the Dr Google thing- it’s hard to live in limbo when all you really want is a concrete answer.  

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But I am getting experience with living with bad results which is good..I see that it is scary but doable. I didn't sleep well which made the challenge harder.. But I need it. I need the challenge. 

   I had a bunch of a bunch of appointments to organize. I did and it felt me feel better. I am really seeing that everything is out of my control. So I just got to get with the program. I am not sure if I am going to have the best oncologist. Actually I wouldn't know anyway. I know that he tries to make some positive spin on ominous results. But that's the way he works. Nothing wrong with that I suppose. Màybe my defense system is not listening to the bad. I have ADD bad so my mind may be skipping things.

    But I have a secret weapon that not everyone has. I have a supportive wife who specializes in helping me keep my brain under control. I have a creative mind with uncommon sense.  She's level headed and organized. And on September 16 it will be 30 years of marriage. So the 2 of us function nicely.

  And not only do I have my wife but I have friends and my wife's family here and in Ecuador. Not everyone is blessed with this.

   So I am adjusting to whatever comes my way good or bad 😉

    So this experience has already changed me. 

   One final note. The day after the bronchoscopy I had zero symptoms. Then all of a sudden I had them all. So I guess they took what they needed. 

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Oh crap. I just figured out something without Dr Google. It was Dr Irwin. I know why the mass shunk without treatment. The needle biopsy sucked out the middle of it. Boy am I stupid. Plus the surgeon's staff member told me that shrinking masses are rarely cancerous. This is nutz. Remember I told you I had OCD. It used to help me diagnose. I wish I could shut my mind off. 

    I am very sensitive at this point. I just got a call from my oncologists office to make a new appointment because I cancelled all appointments until I got my results. I asked her if she had results. She said that she didn't. So I told her that I will make an appointment when I get the results. But the question is is she assuming that I am going to get bad results?

     I got to figure out how to shut my brain down.

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I'm a rookie at this. I guess I would have found this out.. But he got me into his office pretty quickly when the PET scan came in. Besides, I haven't had a chance to train his staff yet. I am professional at sucking up😎

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Irwin!, I think you’ve got some good stuff for a book and the way you tell the story would make it a really fun read. Hop to it!!!

BTW you mentioned that the day after your bronchoscopy you felt great, then all heck broke loose. Tell me what you experienced, I am really curious. Before I had the bronchoscopy I had no symptoms at all and we had just returned from 11 days traveling through Germany and Amsterdam. I even had to climb up a pretty high hill to get to the top to visit a castle - I did get short of breath, but I put that on the fact that I don’t exercise. When home from the trip, no symptoms. Had the bronchoscopy about a week later, developed persistent cough with lungs so congested I sounded like a washing machine. In order to get enough air, I had to resort to an Atrovent Inhaler that I received in 2018 for bronchitis, which I didn’t have to use much then. Needing the inhaler has become a very frequent thing on a daily basis since the bronchoscopy.  I told the docs about worsening symptoms and all they says is, “it’s the cancer”. As an RN of 33 years, I am not stupid. When a person goes from being just fine on day to really bad the next day with a invasive medical procedure in between, something is amiss. Just my 2 cents. But, write that book anyway!!!

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It's really irritated at the bottom of my trachea. The Dr said to inhale a hot cup of tea steam.

    Anyway I am a cancer survivor. I experienced it all. I got my results back and the mass and lymphnodes all clean of malignancy nor cancer cells. 

  And although I got back negative results I really really experienced it. I have to go back for a follow up CT scan in 3 months. 

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