Guest Annonymous Posted February 14, 2004 Share Posted February 14, 2004 He did it again, I am begging him to help me around the house - I can't do everything alone, I WANT TO FEEL IMPORATANT and repected too, and he starts an arguement with me about irrelevant things. He is SO THICK he just doesn't get it and he plays mind games or has a million excuses for treating me so badly. He just makes me misearable and cry all the time. I get frustrated and yell at him and he says, "I wish you'd go smoke" (Like that would solve our problems. I've actually gone out and SMOKED after one of our arguements more than once) And here I am, I've quit again and he is doing this. This life is all about HIM..... We'll what about ME? I know there is a bigger problem. I am getting a divorce, I have decided that today. He doesn't really love or respect me. Your partners are supposed to lift you up adn support you- not drag you down with all their psycho baggage. I deserve someone who loves and respects me ALL THE TIME. Not just say it, but act like it everyday. Sorry to post this here, I just had to get it out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MO_Sugar Posted February 14, 2004 Share Posted February 14, 2004 I am sorry you are in such a situation. You have to do what will be best for you and your health and that is something only you can decide. Prayers for God's guidance. God Bless, MO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fay A. Posted February 14, 2004 Share Posted February 14, 2004 Why not post it here? Marital Problems (Significant Other Problems) are part of real life for many of us. I think it's okay for you to share this with us. I just wish it were not a part of your life and your world. You're right...you deserve better. I know how hard it is to stay away from the smokes under these circumstances....because I did it. I wasn't successful the first time I quit or the second or third (etc.), but I kept trying. You keep trying, too, and you will be successful. Please don't lose faith in yourself, or hope that you will one day be smoke free. You hang in there, Girl. You aren't alone in your battle with Lung Cancer, and you aren't alone in your efforts to stop smoking, and you aren't alone in your quest for respect. Sending best wishes your way... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fay A. Posted February 14, 2004 Share Posted February 14, 2004 One more thing...there are people who pick fights on those days (or just before those days) when it's traditional to give a gift, or show affection, or when the expectation is that one will be happy. (Christmas, Valentine's Day, Birthdays). If that is happening it isn't YOUR problem. It's his. Know what I mean? Be good to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeckyCW Posted February 14, 2004 Share Posted February 14, 2004 Dear Anon., I am so sorry you have to go through this -- and proud of you for making the decision to stand up for yourself. Anyone who tells you he wishes you would smoke... well, that says enough. Fay, it's strange you should mention the thing about some people starting big fights just before special days. This just happened to a close friend of mine yesterday -- Her husband picked a really stupid fight, then said he wanted a divorce and began to pack up clothes to leave... then decided maybe he wouldn't leave just yet. He's done similar things just before other special days, too, just not as bad as this time. I hope he does leave -- and stay gone! My friend will have a hard time, but will be better off without him. Anonymous, I'm glad you posted here, and hope you have some people who are close to you who will support you in the days ahead. (We here will support you, but the "in person" support will be important, too.) You've got a tough road to walk, but you can do it. Keep your chin up and remember you are special and you deserve respect, love and tenderness. BeckyCW Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted February 15, 2004 Share Posted February 15, 2004 Please feel free to PM me. I want to help. (I think I know who you are) Blessings to you, Peg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie Posted February 15, 2004 Share Posted February 15, 2004 Hi, Oh I'm so srry...You deserve only the best.... God has something good for you. Please PM me too if you need to talk. I am divorced and have been in a bad and unhealthy situation . It is hard but If you need support I will be there for you, you are not alone. I'm sending good thoughts your way for happiness no matter what you decide. Love Laurie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa O Posted February 15, 2004 Share Posted February 15, 2004 You are stronger than you think. Hang in there. We are here for you. Many hugs, Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted February 15, 2004 Share Posted February 15, 2004 My thoughts on divorce: Be SURE that it is the only "cure" for the relationship. It appears that your marriage is a definite power struggle and if you threaten it, start proceedings and then it "works out" and you stay with him, it will be thrown back in your face and things may actually get worse. See, you will have TRIED to leave and just "couldn't do it without him".... So, be sure - and follow through. Make divorce your last resort, not an empty threat. People don't change for other people and keep the "good" behavior for much longer than the new "honeymoon phase". Sure, it will all be "rosy" if you move out then back in, but then it will fall back into the old rhythm and be worse... I guess bottom line is if you DON'T think you have the strength to go through with a divorce (and it takes some kahunas), don't even threaten it. Shouldn't be a weapon, should be a definite... (Yeah, I'm divorced...) It's a mental battle, as well. By filing for divorce, it feels as if YOU have failed, be sure to remind yourself that ANY relationship takes work from ALL people involved and that it isn't 100% your fault or his, either. I'm open to "conversation" if you want to PM. Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gerbil runner Posted February 16, 2004 Share Posted February 16, 2004 My first marriage was to an emotionally abusive creature. It took me awhile to figure out that he really INTENDED to make me feel bad! Some sick, weak people can only feel better by destroying someone they think is strong. You've made it to the point of knowing you deserve better. Great! When I first seperated from my ex, a psychologist told me that people who always place the blame for whatever happens in their lives on someone or something else are very unlikely to change - because they would first have to accept that part of the responsibility lies within. And that's the thing they have the hardest time with. Another thing she told me is that a spouse of normal intelligence knows when you are reaching the breaking point and can see when you are unhappy. Failure at that point to try to help the situation means they don't WANT the marriage to be healthy and successful, for whatever reason. Mind games are poisonous. And let me tell you, even 10 years later my ex hasn't changed a bit. He's going through another divorce, living at home with mommy and daddy at 35 because he doesn't make enough money to support himself even though he's a college grad and member of Mensa. Get out while you can and don't look back. Feel free to email or pm me if you want to talk more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie Posted February 16, 2004 Share Posted February 16, 2004 I'm not advocating divorce if there is love and respect there is counseling , that may help. Counseling is good alone too... I felt an immediate sense of peace once I let go...and moved on. The chips are dow and you are fighting for your health, your partner needs to fight with you.!! If the person is unhappy and mean, or psychologically ill which some people "just are"!! You don't have to take that....you have enough problems .....I would rather be alone then with half a person! Half a person times two...as a partner turns you into half a person...!! The things that are worrisome to me are the mind games you speak off.....I was always a fault, I made him that ...."way"....Its a swinging pendulium...if it feels inconsistent, erratic and unstable..... Instead of loving,caring supportive and stable you are better off alone. Huge Hugs Laurie You deserve only the best.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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