renee Posted April 25, 2003 Share Posted April 25, 2003 Well, only 24 hours after I called hospice we have a hospital bed. Tons of morphine and ativan for panick attacks, and anything else I could think of to get for her. They helped so much and they haven't gotten started yet. The hard part was the decision to let her go. She is very weak, she doesn't eat anymore and I don't force her to. She is still in some pain, but not nearly as much as it used to be. She is so worried about me.... lol..... I guess you are a mom to the end. We don't know how long this will take. (of course) I do know that when she goes she will be as peacefull and comfortable as possible. I hate this damn cancer, we fought so hard and still got beat. I think mom diserves the rest. She has done all that she could do. Radiation, chemo, Dr. visits, keeping the weight up and all the NEEDLES. I think that she should be allowed to stop, just relax and quit worring and fighting. I've cried my tears today and I am exhausted. Alot calmer now than just an hour ago. It comes and goes. Thanks guys, I'll keep you all posted when anything new happens. Renee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted April 25, 2003 Share Posted April 25, 2003 Renee I hate this disease too! Sounds like hospice is taking good care of your Mom. Please make certain that you take care of yourself...it is important...and I'm sure your Mom would agree.God bless Lynn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carolsdaughter Posted April 25, 2003 Share Posted April 25, 2003 Renee, Just remember to ask anything you want. They will educate you but only when asked. I wanted to know what to look for they showed me the breathing stuff. When my mom was taking her last breaths I knew exactly what was happening. If she is able to talk you might want to ask her some questions about what she see's etc. I loved being with my mom when she passed. It was a very spiritial experience. I wish you my best. ((((((((HUGS))))))))) Shelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiny Posted April 25, 2003 Share Posted April 25, 2003 Dear Renee, Everyone is different, of course, but when my mom stopped eating and drinking, the doctor said it would be about 2 weeks ... and it was 2 weeks to the day that she drew her last breath. Yes, be SURE to discuss all concerns with Hospice. They showed us how to do full-range-of-motion and turning so mom didn't get bed sores. They showed us how to care for her catheter. They provided someone to help with bathing and hair care, etc. When thoughts pop up write them down so you can remember to ask or call them about them. Thinking of you and praying for you and mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted April 25, 2003 Share Posted April 25, 2003 Our experience with hospice (Lucie's mother and my brother( was very good in both cases. We found they give support to the immediate family as well as the patient. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mirrell Posted April 26, 2003 Share Posted April 26, 2003 hi renee, may you have alot of strength inthe times ahead. my heart is breaking for you. i am thinking of you and your mother and hope that the next little while is filled with alot of love. remember to keep care of you. mirrell Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CDarlyn Posted April 26, 2003 Share Posted April 26, 2003 My mother also lost her battle with lung cancer , one of the hardest parts was signing hospice on... but was the best decision we ever made... If you need to talk you can reach me via my website (dedicated to my mother and has lung cancer info links and more, you might be interested in the end of life information there... it really helped me) http://c.d.luce.home.att.net (((((hugs))))) Always, Christine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
renee Posted April 26, 2003 Author Share Posted April 26, 2003 I don't know how long I have left with mom. I don't think it will be very long. She HAS stopped eating and she sleeps all of the time now. I don't know if it's from the morphine or something more. This is the worst thing that I have ever seen in my life. I had no idea it would be like this. There are so many things that I have to take care of, and I have no clue were to start. I am still alone, in that there are no family around to help. Hospice is wonderful, but there are things that I could use family for. It's always been me and mom my whole life, no reason for that to change I guess. I think that's about it. I didn't really have anything new to say, just wanted to "talk". Thanks for listening. Renee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiny Posted April 26, 2003 Share Posted April 26, 2003 Hello Renee-- Yes, this is a very difficult time and we can only empathize. You mentioned having so many things to do and not knowing where to start. If you are comfortable with it, you might list some of your concerns here. Those among us who have been down these roads may be able to offer avenues to pursue or ways of approaching some of the problems. Wish there were more we could do actively to help. May God's blessing be upon you and your mother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyd Posted April 26, 2003 Share Posted April 26, 2003 Renee, Tiny is so right. Many of us hear are older (and maybe wiser) and can help you with your questions and concerns. Hospice can also answer many of your questions. Come here, to question, to vent, to cry, whatever. All of us wish we could be with you in person so we could hold you and comfort you. But we will try to do the best thing that technology allows. You are in my heart and prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted April 27, 2003 Share Posted April 27, 2003 Renee I am so sorry about your Mom, I cannot imagine the pain you are going through right now. I agree with the others, post any concerns you have here about things you have to do and maybe between us we can come up with some answers for you or at least suggestions. My heart goes out to you, it is so sad that you have to be alone, our prayers are with you Bess B Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karma1976 Posted April 27, 2003 Share Posted April 27, 2003 I know renee i can only reiterate what everyon has said. I can only imagine...i think we all here worry about if the time comes when we have to be faced with all of this. It worries me and makes me insane. I can only wish to give you a huge hug cause it makes me upset just thinking about it right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
renee Posted April 27, 2003 Author Share Posted April 27, 2003 Thanks so much.... I don't know how to pay for or plan a funeral. Mom doesn't have any insurance and I am so broke, I picked up my kids change from the bedroom floor today..lol... Its sad but true. It dawned on me that I have to PAY to have the grave dug!!! Thank heavens we have a family cemetery so I don't have to buy that. It's just getting her into it that is the hard part. I have the preacher and Police escort, I also have the Paul berrors (sp?). They know that they must were coats. I don't have anyone that will be here at home with me to recieve everyone. I don't know if I can do that alone. There are things like clothes, and mom wants ME to do her make-up. OUCH. don't know about that one. There are tons of things that need to get done, I have no idea were to start. I am detached from all of these things right now because it is just a list of things that I have to do, just like the last few months with doctor appt.'s and stuff. It's just something to get done, I'm sure when I actualy GO to do it, it will be harder. So what comes first, the chicken or the egg? Mom still hasn't eaten, and she sleeps all the time, she is out of pain that is what is important. I have a funny one, Yesterday mom had the remote to the tv with her and the phone rang. I answered it and it was the hospice nurse calling to see if all was well. When I looked over at mom, she had the remote to her ear trying to listen to the call. I laughed so hard my belly hurt, then she asked me how to turn it off..... I was rolling on the floor with that one. I told the nurse why I was laughing so hard and all she said was " So, the morphine's working?" Guess you had to be there!! She tries to take things apart when she is up. Everytime she wakes up she tries to take her bed or potty chair apart. Don't know were that came from. It is fun to watch tho. Gotta laugh not to cry. Renee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debaroo Posted April 27, 2003 Share Posted April 27, 2003 Oh Renee, I'm crying as I read your post. And gave a little chuckle at your story about the remote. I wish I could be there to help you receive everyone. Do you have a close friend that could help you, or a clergymen? Maybe if you ask someone that would be coming to your house anyway, to arrive earlier to give you some support. The money issue is hard. My mom says that when my grandfather dies, she will have to add to the money that Social Security provides, because it isn't that much. As far a doing your moms makeup, I'm sure she'd be fine if you just gave very specific instructions to the funeral home on what she would want done with her makeup. I agree, to do it yourself...OUCH!!! You could be sure to check it out before the viewing, to be sure she'd approve. Do hospice stay all the time? Or do they come at scheduled times? I can't imagine how difficult this whole process is for you. But it is a process, and you will be receiving many prayers for the strength to get you through this. Please keep us posted, if you ever want to chat, maybe you could post a time that we could meet int he chat room. Even e-mail with one. Please try to take care of yourself. If I see you are on the forum at the same time as me, I will peek into the chatroom to see if you're there. take care, God bless you, Deb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted April 27, 2003 Share Posted April 27, 2003 Renee, You have got to let us help you through this one. Many people on this board have been through these terrible circumstances. I do believe that GOD will help you one step at a time. Take time to ask, what is really important to do?? If you want to chat, set up a time in the chat room as suggested before and we will all be there to help you in any way we can. Blessings to you dear, Peg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CDarlyn Posted April 28, 2003 Share Posted April 28, 2003 Dear Renee, I know all of this is hard... talk to funeral homes... not one but more than one... We too had little money... and purchased mothers casket from "Discount Casket" rather from the funeral home. What you have or do for the funeral is up to you. We did not go directly to the grave from the funeral and that saved money... and we had the funeral in our church and that saved... ( We wanted a church funeral but was pleased to find out it save money too.).. you also can check to see if you can have the viewing in the church prior to the funeral ... it would save money.. no charge for a viewing room. I did mother's flowers, her casket spray (was my last gift to her)... Do you have a friend you can ask to be here with you? My mother answered the phone with her wallet... and tried to change chanels on the TV with her phone... I laughed too... Have you been to my website (info is ther)... this (her trying to take things apart) are part of normal progression... I have a list there. I think God has humor too, giving us these moment to smile about. My mom loved to sit an pop the bubbles on bubble wrap, I bought a roll and she just had so much fun... kept her hands busy. She did this even the day before she died. I should have buried her with a piece. Please email me if you want to talk... don't know if you have any small children, but had my Grandsons draw a picture to put in the casket with my mom... gave them a different and important roll to play... we so often forget in our grief to let the little ones know that death is a part of life.. a change. ((((hugs))))) Always, Christine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ni Posted April 28, 2003 Share Posted April 28, 2003 (((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))). This must be the toughest thing anyone has to go through but you sound very brave. Don't know what to say but everyone's support is with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 28, 2003 Share Posted April 28, 2003 Renee, I am so sorry you have to deal with the added burden of worrying about financial issues at a time when you are working through the pain and grief with saying goodbye to your mother. I do understand, and often worry about those things myself. My husband and I were not prepared for this, not that anyone can be. We figured we had 60+ years to plan and prepare before death would seperate us. No get me wrong, we're not giving up yet, but even being able to fight a fair fight seem to be costly. We don't have any life insurance, limited health insurance, no savings, and mountains of debt. My husband was always the major bread winner, so if he can't work we are going to be struggling. But what I've learned is that people, even people we don't know well, want to be there for us in any capacity we need. My husband and I haven't gone to a church regularly in years, but upon hearing about his cancer, the church community has made offers of support and help. If you go to a church, or even if your mother went to one, or there is one in your neighborhood, maybe contact them and let them know some of your concerns. They will probably be more than willing to help with things like having people there to help you receive people. They can also prepare food and have a pot luck buffet. Collections may be taken to help you and your family pay for expenses. It just the christian way. Don't try and do this alone, lean on God, and the community he has built around you for support. I wish I could be there to help you, but my prayers are with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carleen Posted April 28, 2003 Share Posted April 28, 2003 That last reply was from me, I don't know how I got logged out. Sorry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caroline Posted April 29, 2003 Share Posted April 29, 2003 Hi I posted a response to you a few days ago...my dad died exactly 2 weeks ago and honestly your story about your mom answering the remote control was the first really good chuckle I've had in 2 weeks!!! So thank you for that. Part of the reason I laughed so hard is because my Dad in his last week kept trying to take apart the oxygen hoses (which were keeping him alive by the way)...it was pretty stressful at the time but seems funny now. Hang in there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest A Friend Posted April 29, 2003 Share Posted April 29, 2003 Renee, I am so sorry to hear what you are faced with I'm so sad for you and I don't know what to say... Is there anyway that you can post your address or a PO BOX number, I would like to send you a card, flowers or some offering of condolescence. Please post it here and God Bless you and carry you through these difficult times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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