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I just wrote a long post about My Mom having  her first infusion of Taxotere last Friday And how sick it’s made her and just erased it all. The details really don’t matter. I’m worried sick about her. I’m angry at myself because I didn’t question the Nurse Practitioner more about what they said were the possible side effects and how it didn’t jive with what I had read about it. I kick myself for not following my gut instinct that this was the wrong thing for my mom to do and for not speaking up. I’m frustrated because over the last month it’s become almost impossible to see her Doctor. Although I like and trust the Nurse Practitioner we need to see and talk to the doctor. It’s time to have a frank discussion with her Oncologist about the continuation of treatment. Is it going to extend her life and if so how long and at what cost to her quality of life? Most of all my heart is broken because I feel we are on a trajectory that can’t be stopped. 
I’m sorry, this post is awful but I’m having a major meltdown this morning and didn’t know where else to turn.

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I'm sorry to hear your mom had such a hard time with the Taxotere. Don't kick yourself! Individual's reactions to any chemo are just that--individual. I agree with you that you need to talk to the oncologist. Maybe your mom's dosage needs to be decreased or meds added for side effects, rather than dscontinuation.

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Blossomsmom,

Second guessing yourself and kicking yourself comes with the territory whether you are the survivor or the caregiver/advocate.  Does your mom have an opinion about any of this?  While I watched my mom go through hell for over a year, she took it in stride and is ready to do it again, if necessary.  She has taken everything much better than I have.  While I was contemplating throwing in the towel, my mom kept going. How is your mom reacting to all of this?

I hope your "meltdown" helped get some feelings out and glad you feel you can share them with us.  We get it!

Take Care,

Steff

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Thanks everyone for your thoughts, I do appreciate them. Received a call not long after my post this morning from my Mom saying she’d been vomiting most of the night and the Dr’s office said to go to the ER. I live down the street from her so I was there in a flash. Realized instantly there was no way I could get her in the car I called 911 and they responded quickly. So we’ve been here in the ER for 8 hours. They are finally gaining on controlling the vomiting and lowering her blood pressure and stabilizing her heart rate. She is weak and exhausted. They will be keeping her in the hospital for at least a day or two. The fight has gone out of her. It may return once she feels better but I’m not counting on it. She said to me a little while ago “well, at least I made it to the wedding”. And that she did. We’ll see what tomorrow brings. Hoping it will be  a better day for her.

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 Bridget,  I am fortunate to have her right up the street. Up until the last month, about once a week I would come home from work to find a note from her on my kitchen counter that said “ your dinner for tonight is in the refrig”. Not only is she my mom and best friend, she’s a great cook. Something I however did not inherit. 

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20 hours ago, Steff said:

Blossomsmom,

Second guessing yourself and kicking yourself comes with the territory whether you are the survivor or the caregiver/advocate.  Does your mom have an opinion about any of this?  While I watched my mom go through hell for over a year, she took it in stride and is ready to do it again, if necessary.  She has taken everything much better than I have.  While I was contemplating throwing in the towel, my mom kept going. How is your mom reacting to all of this?

I hope your "meltdown" helped get some feelings out and glad you feel you can share them with us.  We get it!

Take Care,

Steff

Hi Steff. Because she did relatively well and had good results for a while from the Carboplatin, etoposide and Tecentriq cocktail, she decided to give Taxotere a try. She did ask me what I thought and I just told her that it was her decision and I would respect that decision. In hindsight I should’ve voiced my concerns to her and for her. Like you and your Mom, she has taken all of this way better than I have. Over the past week, she repeatedly said in response to my concern about her feeling so awful “this too shall pass, I’ll feel better tomorrow”. I so wanted to believe that! It’s hard to say right now how she’s reacting to this, she just wants to feel better. But I am expecting she will tell me she has given it her best but it’s time to let nature takes it course. She has lived most if not all of her 90 years on her owns terms and I don’t expect this will be any different.

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