Reoccurrence and hospice

[Blossomsmom]

After her reoccurrence in November and being hospitalized in December from an adverse reaction to Taxotere, my Mom came home under the care of Hospice. She  rallied and was able to be at my house on Christmas Eve with all her kids, grandkids, great grandkids and great great granddaughter. What an evening it was! Very emotional but such a joy to have everyone there (25 of us) sitting down to Christmas Eve dinner. And to think, none of us would’ve been there had it not been for my Mom. 
Since then, she has done pretty well. She’s back to her “normal” routine. Still drives and lives independently. Her hospice nurse visits once a week and is wonderful with my Mom. I actually think my Mom looks forward to seeing her every week and I feel good knowing hospice is in place and a phone call away if needed. The downside is when things do arise, such as dizziness she’s experienced this week, there’s no way to know for sure if it’s because the cancer has metastasized to her brain or if it’s caused from being dehydrated a little from her ongoing battle with diarrhea. I understand the concept of just treating the symptoms and making her comfortable but I guess I’m still not used to the idea of not knowing exactly where this is going and letting nature take its course. As her daughter it’s been my job to make sure she’s doing ok and getting what she needs in the way of medical treatment so it’s hard to now put that in someone else’s hands. It’s still hard to accept that this isn’t something that I can fix much less control. Especially when I look at her and she doesn’t look like there’s anything wrong with her. She has handled all of this with so much courage and grace. I wish I had half of her strength. I have the utmost respect for all of you who fight this beast on a daily basis. And I thank you for the strength and support you provide to others involved in the battle.

[Tom Galli]

Blossomsmom,

I admire your selflessness and courage. You’ve made the tough call: letting your mom make the “right thing” treatment decision. 

There are two great unknowns of humanity: the time of our birth or death. Your hospice decision, my view, acknowledges our human reality. Extending life plugged into tubes to get an extra measure is not living. Your mom is and she is finding joy in each moment. 

Stay the course. 

Tom

[Curt]

@Blossomsmom you are an amazing caregiver for your mom.  I remember being very frustrated during my fathers treatment with the lack of information available on what we should be concerned with and what we shouldn’t be.  The uncertainty is difficult.   Hang in there.   

[Steff]

Blossomsmom,

I've struggled how to respond to your post.  I wish I could say that everything is going to be okay and that you have many more Christmases with your mom.  But I guess none of us know how many more we have.  So I am happy to hear that you spent your time making happy memories with your family.  I am also happy to hear that your mom is going about her life as she wants.  She has found some normalcy and now it is time to find yours.  I know this is not an easy task as I've struggled with it myself.  At the end of the day, when the treatments are done and appointments slow down, we as caregivers are forced to confront our own lives once again.  We must push past the constant worry over every headache or "down" day.  We must help ourselves heal so we can be ready for when our moms need us again, whenever that may be. 

Please know, you are just as strong as your mom.  Caregivers may not go through the physical battle, but we endure so much of the pain along side our loved one.  We spend our time trying to anticipate everything so we can provide peace and comfort to our warrior.  We take on the worry so others don't have to.  And you have shown the ultimate strength in supporting your mom through her choice to enter into hospice and LIVE her life.  So now it's time to reclaim your life as well.  I am sure this is what your mom wants for your too.

I hope that you can do one small thing for yourself today and can really appreciate where you have come and that you have survived.

Take Care,

Steff

[LUNGevityKristin]

Please know that the Lung Cancer HELPLine is available to answer questions.  It's available Monday - Friday and you can always call and ask questions.  Here is more information: https://lungevity.org/for-patients-caregivers/support-services/lung-cancer-helpline

[Blossomsmom]

Thank you Tom and Curt for your kind words. I often feel like I’m stumbling around in the dark when it comes to doing the right things for my Mom. There’s such a fine line between making sure she’s ok and trampling in her independence. Trying to take it as it comes. Some days I’m successful others not so much.