Tharosis Posted April 1, 2020 Share Posted April 1, 2020 I’m new to this site. My mom was diagnosed April last year with sclc and hit remission last month. During the last year I have been the primary caregiver to her. We have gone through near death and almost comatose through the nausea and pain fear and anger to finally hit remission. She finally woke up out of the fugue state that allowed her to survive only to get hit with a damn pandemic like Corona. My dad is an emergency room pa and had to quit his job because of the certainty that it would kill her if he brought it home. Then they make the doctors and nurses buy there own ppe and everyone is at even bigger risk and I’m so tired of being afraid. I have spent the last year ( I’m 35 in August) taking care of my mom. The only food thing to come out of this is I think I found my calling. And I love it. I love her and I have always loved spending time with her. But how do I tell her now that she’s awake that there was not one moment where I wasn’t terrified that when I went to check on her or get up in the morning that she’s be dead. How do I feel okay with myself when I know I have to quit smoking because it will kill her but I can’t not pick up a cigarette because of the amount of stress? how do I not feel bad when I wear myself so thin trying to take care of her and my dad and make sure everything is safe for them that I make myself sick? I don’t know the answer to any of these questions and so many many more and I’m scared and im mad and I don’t want my mom to die. Thanks to whoever is listening Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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