cath Posted February 22, 2004 Share Posted February 22, 2004 I am a girl of 18. On December the 23rd my gran was diagnosed as having lung cancer which was untreatable. She was given 6 - 12 months to live. She had a chest infection and was taken into the hospital. On christmas eve she had improved and was allowed out on boxing day. She never made it. She suddenly died at 12.40pm xmas eve/xmas day. My gran is the first person I have ever lost and even though I wasnt close to her I miss her so much and I am devastated that she is gone from us all. I dont know how to deal with the grieveing. I dont want to get upset in fornt of my family incase they get upset, especially my dad as he is being so brave about it. I just feel as thought I cant speak to anyone and even if I could I wouldnt know what to say. How can I get over this when I feel I cant talk about it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debaroo Posted February 22, 2004 Share Posted February 22, 2004 Cath, Let me begin by saying that I am so sorry that you lost your dear Grandmother. I am glad that you found us, and that you posted. I lost my grandmother when I was your age, and I felt alot as you do with regard to feeling that I could not let my family know how upset that I was, for fear of upsetting them. Now, at 35, I realize that I was mistaken. I realize that, even if we do get emotional, it is alright. Sometimes what we need is a good cry with a loved one that also feels the loss. Sometimes we worry too much about making others upset, and so we close ourselves off from the people that could probably help the most, and that are probably just as afraid to 'upset' us...so, while we all WANT to connect, fear stops us from doing so, and that is a sad thing. Don't let the fear keep you from seeking comfort from your family. I think that the best way to start is to just say what is on your mind. Tell your father, or whomever you would feel most comfortable talking with first, exactly what you told us...that you are afraid to upset anyone, but that you really need to get your feelings out and talk about your grandmother. You articulated your feelings very well here, and I really believe that you will be just as articlulate with your family. I am glad that you came here, and please continue to come. I hope that this was of some help to you. I hope that your memories of your 'gran' are of a comfort to you. Give yourself time, and allow yourself to feel whatever feelings come=whether it is anger, saddness, fear, even happiness, your feelings are what they are, don't get hung up on when your greiving should be 'finished', because it dosn't go away, it just changes form...acceptance, I think that that is what the final outcome turns out to be. You will always miss your gran, but she will live on within you, all that you have ever learned from her, all that you remember about her-she is a part of you, as you are a part of her. Please take care, Cath, and let us know how you are doing. Deb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paddy Posted February 23, 2004 Share Posted February 23, 2004 Hello Cath, I am so very sorry that you have lost your Grandmother. I agree whole-heartedly with Debbie, she has said it all! Perhaps too, if you can be brave enough to break the silence everyone else in the family will follow suit. It will release the tension everyone must be feeling by holding back their expressions of grief. Love Paddy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeckyCW Posted February 23, 2004 Share Posted February 23, 2004 Cath, I am so very sorry you've lost your grandmother to this terrible disease. Grandparents are such very special people, and it is very hard to go through this, especially at your age. I agree with the others that you should try to talk with your family about your feelings. The only thing I would add is that if they are not able to talk about it with you, please don't stop there. Everyone is different, and if they do not seem to want to talk (which seems unlikely, but surely possible), I would encourage you to find others you can talk to about it. At least you will have given your family the opportunity to help you grieve, and they may welcome that. If not, you still need to be able to share your feelings with caring people. We're here, and I hope you'll find others "in person" to give you a listening ear and a pair of warm arms around you when you need them. Wishing you happy memories, BeckyCW Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bengel Posted February 23, 2004 Share Posted February 23, 2004 Hi Cath, I sympathize with you for the loss of your gran. This is a good place to shead your tears and express your thoughts. I am praying for you right now that the Lord will wrap his loving arms around you and give you love and peace. You need to share your grief with someone you trust. Is there a minister, school counselor or teacher who you could share your emotions with? Before I retired from teaching high school industrial technology I worked closely with the counseling department. They were wonderful in caring for students who had experienced a loss such as yours. Don't hesitate to ask for help. Grace and peace be with you, Bengel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
betplace Posted February 23, 2004 Share Posted February 23, 2004 one thing you might consider, is printing out your post on htis thread and making copie of it, then give the copies to the members of your family. You have articulated your need quite well in your post. This may be an easy way of 'breaking the ice' so to speak. Hugs and prayers going out to you dear and I am sorry you have lost your grandmother! Blessings Betty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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