Please someone help me

[Roxnivy]

Hi I I just found this forum and hope somebody can please help me because I don't know what else to do. My mom was rushed to the hospital just about a month ago after having a severe seizure in the middle of the night. She had been in falling a lot and dizzy and I thought she was having small Strokes. She tried to hide headaches from me and didn't tell me bet her eyes were getting worse I had no ideas what they would find. When I called up to the hospital an hour after she got there in an ambulance I found that she had already been CT scan and they found 5.5 cm brain tumor and were lifeflighting her to a different hospital. One that was better with neurosurgery stuff. The next day she had brain surgery to remove the tumor they got 70% of it out. A day and a half after she was out of surgery she ran from the hospital because she thought they were trying to kidnap her. She made it home and I'm surprised she did cuz she was really confused about a lot of different things. But didn't leave on good terms with the hospital and so I couldn't just call the doctors to ask them questions. She's been recovering from a surgery at home and she is a little less confused. However she keeps falling and getting dizzy and during these episodes it seems she's having a seizure. My mom is almost always irritated at me as I try and help her it's like her at whole attitude is different. I love my mom to death and would do anything for her and has been trying to do everything for her while struggling with her confusion about everything. she refuses to take chemo she I don't know what else to do I don't know how long she has but it seems like it's getting worse I don't know if them taking out the brain tumor gave her time or if it's going to make the tumor grow faster she also has a mass on her lung. Please somebody help me tell me what I'm dealing with because I'm honestly so scared and I don't know what to do. thank you guys for listening

[Rabbit]

At the risk of answering wrong, I'll just say that it sounds like she has lung cancer that has metastasized to the brain.  That happened to my daughter, and she had a seizure after radiation to the brain.  Once lung cancer metastisizes (spreads) to another area, then it often spreads to other areas fairly quickly.  Talk to her doctor about palliative care.  Both she and you, as the caregiver, could benefit from the 24 hour telephone lifeline that comes with it.  Things always get bad on weekends or the middle of the night, and there are resources available in the Portland metro area.

[LUNGevityKristin]

Hi Roxnivy.  Do you know your mom's diagnosis?  Lung cancer can spread to the brain but testing would need to be done on the tumor to see if that is what happened here.  

Here is some information about lung cancer: https://lungevity.org/for-patients-caregivers/lung-cancer-101/recently-diagnosed

Depending on the type of cancer, there are several possible treatment options including radiation and immunotherapy besides just chemotherapy.  Does your mom have any follow up appointments?  Can you attend with her to take notes?

[LexieCat]

If your mom won't cooperate due to her confusion, caused by her medical condition, you should talk to a lawyer about being appointed as her guardian. This can be very complicated, depending on whether you have other family members, etc. But if she's not competent to make her own decisions about her health, someone else should be able to do that for her. Depending on her age, your state agency on aging might be able to help, as well. Here's a link to get you started: https://www.adrcoforegon.org/consite/index.php.

Without her consent, the doctor/hospital can't even talk to you about her health. 

[Judy M2]

Both you and your mom have been through an awful lot in a short time. If she has a primary care physician or oncologist, maybe you get them to video chat with you and your mom to discuss her condition. On that chat, try to get her to authorize the doctor to speak with you on an ongoing basis. I have that authority with all of my 98 YO father's doctors. 

I don't assume she has a health care proxy naming you?  That makes things much simpler if your mom can't make decisions for herself. 

Her confusion and irritation is unfortunately understandable.  She must be so disoriented and is probably weak from the surgery. 

I would be very concerned about the falls. I know from experience that hospitals do not permit "unsafe discharges" where patients can be at risk for falls. Your mom's primary doctor may be of some help to find some after-care for her, like a nurse and nurse's aide. (I'm guessing you don't want to contact the hospital's social worker.) These services are so valuable and are usually covered by insurance. She should not be unattended in the shower in any case and should get/use a shower chair with arms. 

I wish you strength under these difficult circumstances. We learn as we go when it comes to emergencies like this.