Jump to content

Shared response


Recommended Posts

This is in response to a question that was asked on another thread (Bits and pieces) that I would like to share with the whole board:

Dear Sharon,

Hi! You asked Dean what I, as his wife (Gay): "What did I think of Dean's decision NOT to aggressively treat his cancer". Dean didn't really have any treatment options. I was so ANGRY that there were not any choices, any hope at all for a cure at all.

After I could no longer afford to be in DENIAL day after day (denying being in DENIAL, too); losing so many "todays" - Dean's decision became "our" decision of Quality of Life versus Quanity of life (there were few fleeting ideas of "invasive treatments" that would "perhaps" prolong his lifespan by only a few months; but that would not be Quality of life).

We have been "us" for over 19&1/2 years. I try as I can to live in the "NOW". Enjoying each day. I'm here for him now (the quiet one - don't post much as we've leapfrogged thorough our relationship, supporting each other, good times, wild times and bad times - (I'm disabled and had not one, but two very close calls with death in the past two years); Thank GOD Dean was there for me then and has since given me "tips" he learned when he was uncertain of my survival...take it "One Day at a Time", that's all we really have. AND the fact that "death is a part of life".

I am happy Dean is here today.

I am happy his MD at the VA started Hospice "way early" (mid Dec 2003).

I am happy this same VA MD stepped outside the "regulations" and got Dean his "Legs", aka: Scooter on Feb 13. (I/we weren't too thrilled about the 5 days of rain soon there after).

I'm happy Dean made "our" decision.

Today, Dean and his love for me surrounds me.

Dean's mind is brilliant and clear as ever.

His laugh is loud.

Dean's (my tough mountain man) gentleness and sensitivity with our 2 "kids" (Two, "only" 5 year old kittens) continues to melt my heart day by day.

Almost 20 years together may seem like a long time; looking back; our rollercoaster ride has always been a fast one. Our common bond is music. "Spend My Time" - a new song by the Country Singer Clint Black sums up my answer as to once accepting "our" decision = what to do with our time left together = Life life in the here and now, with plenty of passion.

I hope I answered your question and in doing so gave me an opportunity (as Dean and I share one dial up line, I do not post much) to thank everyone for the support you have given Dean AND me, too. Thank you!!!!![/url]

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You are a very couragous lady Gay. I admire you so much for standing beside Dean in his decision. He is very dear to all of us here and so are you. I do want to say that he is very lucky to have you. May you both still have many days of sunshine and I don't mean just the weather. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What a wonderful statement you made in this post, Gay! You and Dean are very courageous and your love for each other shows through each post you make! Looking back, I would now try and persuade Dennis to skip treatment. The end result would have been the same but there might have been some good days mixed in here and there. Instead...nine months of our life was spent with doctors and hospitals...all to no avail!!! My hat is off to you...your courage....and your love!!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you for responding to the question posed to you. I and many others respect and appreciate your and Dean's honesty and insight. There's a poem that most of us probably had to read in school called "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost. It's a poem I hadn't thought about in years, until now of course and its meaning is so much deeper than I could ever have imagined as a young girl feeling kind of put out to read a poem I didn't really want to read--ha! I am going to look for it now and post it to the forum.

I know the two of you draw strength from each other. And you will always have the strength of Dean with you and you with him. I feel assured of that. You are special people, all of us are. You and Dean came into my life and the life of others just when I and they needed you--so isn't that proof of miracles!!!

Again thank you and just keep being wrapped in the love of Dean.


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Gay, that was a beautiful message you shared. You and Dean deserve each other -- and I mean that in the nicest way! :) You seem so very connected and supportive of one another, and while I know it's no bed of roses, I'm glad you have each other to share life, day by day.


P.S. I'm also glad it stopped raining!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.