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Oncologist fired us…..


KathieF

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I am appalled and dismayed over the way it was handled but I think it is best that we seek care with a new Oncologist immediately if this is our current one’s style.  

Monday of this week my husband was dismissed from a trial last minute due to tumor encroaching on one of the major arteries.  Understandable for Merck as they want the best outcome.  We are sad but planned to move forward and had an appointment with the Oncologist the following day to discuss next steps. 

When we got into the office, instead of talking about treatment, the Oncologist brought up a prior phone call that he had with me that did not end on a good note but was civil.  The gist of it was I called him after our last appt to discuss a few things privately that I didn’t feel comfortable talking about in front of my husband.  I can’t believe that I’m the first and only wife to do this…? The Oncologist knew it was something that would upset my husband and yet brought it up in front of him and proceeded to tell us that he is not bound to treat us and said that I have “hurt his feelings”.  Other than calling him 3 times in 6 months to ask questions and sometimes questioning the “why” so I can have a clearer understanding, I have no clue what I could have done to hurt his feelings.  Further, this is NOT ABOUT HIM or his feelings!  The only thing I can come up with is that he has a problem with the spouse being an informed advocate.  It was deplorable and the timing could not come at a worse time.  My husband wanted so badly to defend me but also didn’t want to have them deny him treatment so he played the game and placated the Onc’s ego.   He will start Topetecan for 5 days IV starting Monday and we are hoping to stay with the same practice but transfer to a different Oncologist within the practice.  

We will move on and continue this fight but I’m saddened further by this experience and feel it will set my husband back.  Has anyone else experienced something like this? I feel there needs to be a better way, more compassion and an understanding for families dealing with a very scary diagnosis.  

 

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Whoa, how unacceptable! My oncologist is quite the opposite and even writes songs for his patients. He has even been a keynote speaker for this LUNGevity's COPE summit this year. You both deserve a medical team who is understanding and compassionate. 

Lung cancer treatments are difficult enough to experience without the added stress of the "hurt feelings" of a prima donna doctor. I hope things improve with the new oncologist. 

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Kathie,

When I have to worry more about "hurting the oncologist's feelings" than my loved one or me, then it is time to move on.  Get recommendations and find another as soon as you can.  I might even understand (a little) if he had told you (during the other conversation) that he felt uncomfortable sharing your husband's info with you without his permission to do so.  But, to tell you he doesn't have to treat you goes against everything doctors take an oath to do.  And that oath includes "First do no harm."  I'm sure you aren't the first person he spoke to in this manner, but it should be the last time you or your husband have to coddle one of the chief members of your medical team.

Lou

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I couldn’t agree more.  There are many more oncologists in the practice, unfortunately none that I have personal knowledge about but no one can be that unprofessional twice.  At least I hope!  I spoke to the nurse navigator and she will have the office manger call me tomorrow.  It seems that they will put Scott with a PA for his 2nd line, first treatment of Topotecan next week and then we will meet with someone new before the 2nd infusion.   The new Dr. they tell me is very compassionate, she is due in May which kind of concerns me also but I don’t want to seem as complaining about everything.  

I had recorded all of the original Onc’s meetings, even the one where he told us he needed a “Mental Health Vacation”  during the time of our delayed PET etc.  I had always asked the staff if I could record, but because this Dr was so abrupt, I never did ask him specifically, so I think having them is a mute point to show the office manager.    I feel like I just need to listen and agree so I don’t pis_ anyone off and cause any more disruptions for Scott.  He doesn’t deserve any of this, he just needs treatment and compassion.  

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You're right and you need to be the advocate for your husband.  He has other things to worry about.  A PA is a poor substitute to a solid oncologist so please locate another.  There are surely patient advocates that can help you in your search.

Lou

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Most, if not all, medical facilities (hospitals) have a patient advocate.  They are people you can bring a grievance to and expect a resolution.  Check in with the hospital or medical center you are going to.

Lou

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