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New to site. Like everyone else, looking for support/help.


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My fiancee is simply crushed by his mother's recent diagnosis. I am looking for *positive* things/stories/survival stories to tell to him in order to keep him strong (so he may better help his mom/family) through this. They all want to fight!

Any *positive* stories from an analogous situation?

Fiancee's mom: 60; healthy all her life w/ the exception of a 'bout with shingles a few years back; never-smoked; lived in rural areas with "clean" air; very religious; strong family ties; no history of lung cancer in family that we know of.

Had a bad cough and was hoarse for about a month (12/03)

Was diagnosed up with walking pnemonia (1/04)

Was diagnosed with pnemonia and hospitalized on IV antibiotics (2/04)

No response to treatment

Found new and more aggressive doctor

X-ray viewed as suspicious (2/27/04)

Came down to New York; my mom got her an appt. with her oncologist who sent her to pulmonologist

Given CT scan and PET scan (3/9/04) at New York Hospital

Diagnosed with lung cancer with mets to nodes, spine, and hip (3/12/04). Doctor told my fiancee (but not her or his dad) it was "incurable"--she has maybe 2 years to live if it goes into remission.

Goes in for MRI to see if it has mets to brain next week.

Starts daily radiation and weekly chemo next week.

Insurance may not cover New York Hospital--may move to Sloan Kettering.

Family still in shock from dx on Friday.

Thanks so much. I just don't know how else to help him/them!


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Dear Melinda,

You have so much on your plate right now. You have found a warm, caring and supportive group here.

Additionally, I have found much knowledge here to better understand this disease.

Please look at many of the members here. We have many long term survivors. Medical science is moving forward daily. My husband is now on Iressa and it seems, thank God, to be keeping him stable.

It looks like her doctors are right on top of this with doing all the tests etc.

Stay with us.


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I am sorry that you have found yourself in this situation but glad you found us. This is a very caring, supportive group of people and chances are at least one of us has "Been there, done that" when it comes to treatment or dealing with the issues.

Please jump in and make yourself at home. The door is always open and chances are there is someone lurking on the board that could answer a question or at the least give a gentle cyber hug!

Prayer will be said.

God Bless,


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Thank you, Ginny and Don,

Your warm welcome and stories/bios about your husband and wife, respectively, have given us much needed hope.

I am very glad I found this site--it is one of the most positive sites I've found on the internet thus far.

You are in our thoughts, as well.



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Thank you, Mo--

Reading the "gentle cyber hugs" you all have given each other on this board have put me back together after I sucumb to a wave of overwhelming grief and disbelief. And being "together" is one of the most important things I can do when I am with my fiancee and his family. I need to be strong when I am with them--and then when I fall apart, privately--I can come back here for hope and support.

My mom is battling her 2nds breast cancer right now, which has been truly terrible--but there is so much more information/activism/proactive screening regarding that type of cancer. It just blows my mind that lung cancer does not get the same kind of attention (because it is viewed as a sin?!?!?!?!? cancer) when it affects *so many* people. I had no idea until Friday...

Still in initial shock mode.


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Hi Melinda,

I am very sorry you had to find us, but welcome to our family. As you can see from my bio below, my mom was diagnosed last September with Stage IV, but had symptoms since April 2003, so in my opinion she is coming up on one year of survival! And while the emotional rollercoaster has been one heck of a journey and chemo can be tough on your body, she has not experienced any additional symptoms of the cancer. She is currently on a clinical trial and we found out last week that her tumor has shrunk 25%! :D

Please come here often, there is lots to learn! The first few days and weeks are the hardest, so hang in there!

We are neighbors, I am in NYC too.


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Thank you for your welcome and your mom's story. I am SO glad to hear that she is doing well!

It gives us hope. I forward every postive thing I find to them--and it seems to make this a little easier for them.

I am so very glad that spring is almost here in NYC--I think it might make these initial first weeks easier for my fiancee and his family (they all worked on gardening together today--something his mom LOVES and misses about not being in New Hampshire).

Chemo may start as early as Friday (one week from the dx!). That's good, right? Time is of the essence...

Your mom--and everyone else I have read about on this site--is in our thoughts.



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Welcome to the beginning...hope there are decades between here and "the end" for you and yours.

In my opinion, the hardest and most important thing to do is ACCEPT the cancer, let your mind process the facts and realize that it's NOT a figment of your imagination, a bad dream that you'll wake up from, etc. Accept that it IS the enemy and then face it, head on.

It's good that you have a "game face" around the future mother-in-law, but you also need to believe in what you are saying or it's just empty sounding words. I have told my husband that no matter WHAT is going on, I don't want him lying to me to make me "feel better", knowing that he's lying (and I know when he is) will make me feel worse as I grasp at straws as to what would make him lie and tell me I'll be fine...

Sounds like through the negatives there are some really strong positives in your life and that you belong to a caring family and will be joining another - congratulations on THAT, it sure does help in this battle/war.

Remember to take time out for YOU and allow the fiancee his time, as well. (When he gets growly/irritable, don't take it personal - but don't let him walk all over you, either...balancing act there!)

Take care, and welcome to our growing family!


aka Snowflake

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I'm so sorry you have to be here. But "here" is a great place as you have already experienced. I'm not much of a talker but I have gathered a lot of encouragement and strength from reading others posts.

But I wanted to give you my mom's story. She is stage IV NSCLC diagnosed Feb of 1999. She just reached her five year mark. She had mets to the brain. So it's not quite the same. But good to know it's possible.

Again, I'm sorry that you have to be here but glad that you have found this wonderful place.


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