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cant keep it together

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hello everyone,


My dad was just newly diagnosed with lung cancer through x ray and ct. we get the pet scan results tomorrow and im so scared what they are going to say.

We are waiting on a biopsy appointment which will hopefully happen soon.

its only been a month but it feels like a life time already and i am not handling it well emotionally. He has not gotten a stage yet but they are saying it has spread to his spine because of his pain he is having and assuming they can see on the ct results so that would be stage 4.

is it normal to be this terrified and just totally broken this early? I cant imagine my life without him and it scares me so much. 


i feel so alone and helpless 


hope to hear from someone who feels the same 

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I think you may have seen me post shortly before you yesterday. I am in the same boat. All scans done except biopsy and it has also spread to spine and other places. They said it's eaten away at half of his neck bone so they're doing surgery to stabilize it first and then radiation. Worst of all, his English is limited and so I only get half the picture at any time and it took about five days before I was able to speak to anyone treating him by phone. I have read more scientific papers than I have ever read in my life. I'm still hoping it's not SCLC since the biopsy hasn't been done yet, but it definitely is cancer.

I feel sorry that I didn't choose a high paying career so he could enjoy material comforts. I regret the time lost when I argued with him. I'm terrified and very, very sorry. This wasn't what I imagined at all. I am so sorry that we are in this situation. Everyday I say, grant me the serenity and strength to face the things I cannot change. I tell myself birth, aging, sickness, and death are all part of the human condition that no one can escape. I tell myself that some people don't get this extra time. Maybe life will be lived months at a time now, but a lot of life can be lived in those months. All I can do is my best for him now. There is plenty of time to be sad later. Of course, even as I'm writing this I'm still bawling but I have to be strong for him.



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i am so sorry our fathers have to go through this. My Dad is one of my best friends and this has been a complete nightmare. I keep thinking I will wake up and all will be normal. Im a complete mess my Dad is our family rock and the best guy i know. not sure how i will go on without him. 

this is the most devastating thing i have ever experienced. 

im always trying to hope for a miracle and that he will be like the survivors on this forum. 

the test and scans feel like you wait forever just to get them and its torture.

what test was the one that confirmed the cancer on your dads spine?

all the best to you and your dad.

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Hi lovingdaughter1990 and jhp

Welcome to the forum, there are some great people on here and someone will come along with some helpful information and advice I'm sure,it is completely natural to feel the way you are feeling its a really frightening time from the beginning, unfortunately for all of us life changes from the diagnosis and it will always be different than it was before this happened but it doesn't mean its over, we all get sad and have our down days but you will find the strength you need to get through this, I speak to all my family about everything and I know it worries and frightens them but there strength and support helps me through this and makes me want to fight and get better, I hope you both get some good news and that you start feeling a bit better one day at a time, 

All the best Take care Justin 

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They haven't done any lung biopsies, but they already did all the imaging possible and took one from his leg bone. The result has not come out yet, but they can see from all the imaging the mass that took over the neck bone and caused the fracture. Right now, all they're doing is orthopedic surgery to stabilize his neck and there's been no word about any lung biopsy or treatment from anyone. I looked at the rates as I'm sure everyone has and sometimes I feel like every second is being wasted. It's been two months since he started having neck pain and a week since he got the diagnosis. I don't know if their plan is to wait until he recovers from that bone surgery to do a lung biopsy or not which would be an additional 2-3 weeks.

I'm also hoping for a miracle. Almost every week it seems like some new breakthrough is coming out. Just before his diagnosis I read about Mt. Sinai's. I worry intensely about his access to whatever cutting edge science exists. I've thrown every free moment into reading science papers. Still, I tell myself I can only do my best each and every day.   

All the best to you and your father as well.



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I hope both of you @lovingdaughter1990 @JHP find the strength to be able to support your dads in their cancer journey. We all got devastated when diagnosed, and most are knocked off balance for a while. Once a final assessment of disease extent and treatment starts, most feel a bit more balanced and focussed. 

In this age of pandemics and epidemics, no one knows how the future will be. News brings us daily notices of young and old dying all of a sudden. Try to think of this cancer diagnosis as a chance to focus on living in the now and here and to build the most loving memories with family. No one knows the future, so stand by your dads sides and make sure they know how much you love them. You may not feel it now but you got this and you will be able to handle it, no matter what happens. Keep up the hope, lung cancer treatment has come so far recently and many on this forum can answer questions if you have them. Wishing your dads the very best of outcomes, and you more peace of mind.

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