Gianna Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 Hi everyone - I have been a member of this board since my dad was diagnosised with lung cancer in Oct 2002. My mom has posted much more then I have (Rosanne) but I have visited the site almost everyday. At first we needed this board to learn about this terrible disease and to talk through all the problems my dad was going through with chemo, doctors, side affect, ect. Since he passed in July 2003 we have used this board to find comfort and inspiration. The reason I decided to write tonight is because of something that I am struggling with. I thought that as time went on the loss of my dad would get easier but I am finding the opposite to be true. My mom said something to me tonight that I am finding to be very true, she said, one of the hardest parts about grieving is to think about all the "what could have beens" I keep finding myself thinking of these things: how he will never know his grandchildren, how he will never be able to have a healthy retirement, how he will never be able to visit his home country of Italy again and it makes me really sad and angry I was wondering if anyone else has felt this way. I went to another funeral of someone that passed away of lung cancer tonight (this is the 4th person I have know in the past 3 years that have died of lung cancer) and I think it just got to me. Thanks for listening! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathy Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 Gianna, I know how you feel. Even though I am probably old enough to be your mom I know exactly what you mean about the what ifs. You know what, those what ifs will drive you crazy. The best thing for you is to not think about them and I know that its really hard to do, but its not helping you. If your dad was anyway like mine (Italian, he wasnt born there but his parents were) I know he wouldnt want you to be thinking so much..You know in your heart that your dad would have been a wonderful Grandpa and you can tell your future children all about him... I pray that one day we can all begin to heal and find the peace that we so desparately need.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelliemacs Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 I am riding that same grief bus right now as well. I lost my mom august 15, 2003, she was burried on my birthday. I have gone through ok moments and bad moments. Her birthday is this Sunday, the first without her. I can't stop thinking of her all this week, but I am pushing her out of my head because I am still so mad at her for dying and leaving me. She was only 62 and she should not have died. Now dad has lung cancer too. He wants to stop treatment so he can go join mom again. He hates life without her. He finds no reason to take the chemo since it prolongs him getting to her. Its more than I can handle at times. This week has been bad for me and I feel like I am suffocating again from the depression and sadness. I am only 35 and I will never see my mom again and soon dad too. Its just not right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 I can completely understand what you are all talking about! I thought it'd get easier too, but my grief is getting stronger...does it continue to get worse? Last night I couldn't stop crying. I walk past this beautful picture of my mom and I sat there laying on my stairs just crying and wailing...I feel like I'm never going to feel full in my heart again. Then I get mad and think that we got such a raw deal...it's not fair, etc. My mom looks so healthy in the picture, it just doesn't seem possible. Gianna, if you need someone to talk to, PM me anytime Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
natalie Posted March 18, 2004 Share Posted March 18, 2004 Sorry, I thought I was logged in. the post above is from me...Natalie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gianna Posted March 18, 2004 Author Share Posted March 18, 2004 Thanks for replying to my message and for your kind words! It is nice to know that there are so many people here to help you through the tough moments. I decided a couple of weeks ago to put together a walk for lung cancer in the Detroit area. Though this is a big undertaking I am excited to have the opportunity to do this in honor of my dad. As I mentioned last night I seem to miss him more everyday and I am hoping this will help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathy Posted March 18, 2004 Share Posted March 18, 2004 Gianna, where and when is the walk? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gianna Posted March 19, 2004 Author Share Posted March 19, 2004 Cathy - I am planning to have the walk sometime in September. I am unsure where it will be located but I am in the process of exploring sites. I am currently talking with Karmanos and ALCASE to see what type of support they can provide if we donate money to their organizations. This is really a grassroots effort to put together a walk in support of lung cancer since there is currently not such thing. I have many friends and family who have offered to volunteered to help get this going. I have also spoke with a couple people who lost people to lung cancer that want to get involved. I am very excited about this opportunity. If you would like me to keep you updated on our progress please let me know. Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathy Posted March 19, 2004 Share Posted March 19, 2004 Gianna, Absolutletly keep me informed, I have a large family and they all adored my dad so I am sure I can get them to participate.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pam Posted March 20, 2004 Share Posted March 20, 2004 How very sad that we all have so much in common....(Shellie - I am 35 also)...... my dad has been gone not quite 5 months....I swear it's getting harder girls!! I don't know about grief going in circles because I don't ever have an UP time.... This week has been so hard - my mom is having health problems now too and at times it is so overwhelming with two kids, a husband and my mom....I don't know which way is up. Gianna - please know that you aren't alone - we are here with you..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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