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The One Year Marker


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March 20th will mark the one year anniversary date that my mother has been gone.

The pain has not gone away and many times I still say that I want her back. I say it loud enough that she can hear me if she is standing right next to me. I do believe that my mom is very close. As I think about how I want to spend that day I want to do somethings that my mom would like to do if she could. Of course I will go to the cemetary. I would like to eat in a nice resturant and choose something that my mom would also like.

My dad is in Mexico with the Vulture and he has been there for about a month. While he is gone I have gathered all of our family photo's that have been stored in drawers for years. I have compiled them into eight books and I plan to give them to him when he returns. As I have thought of this day approaching I wanted to do something really special and I believe that the best thing that I can do for my mom is to keep her memory alive. I believe that I am doing this the best way I know how. Does anyone have an Idea that I might add to mine?

Thanks for being my friends, Shelly

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HI Shelly,

I know you probably wont believe me but I was just thinkig about you and I was going to send you a pm, this was about 2 days ago.. Then I thought I might be intruding..Tomorrow is probably going to be rough for you, 7 months today for my dad...How are you doing, hows your family? I remember how upset you were about the vulture, it sounds like she is still around..

I think your idea is a good one. One fear I have is that my precious dad will be forgotten by others, so trying to keep their memory alive is important to me as well.. I am not sure if you put your mom in the wall of memory here or not, that was one of the hardest things I have done since losing him. I told myself for his birthday I would do it and I think I got it in right on his birthday, its comforting know he will be there forever..Try that Shelly if you havent already..If you go to the wall of memory look up my dad, his name is Andrew Pace and I entered it Feb. 8th..

It is really good to hear from you, you should keep in touch, you always had beautiful words of encouragement support and hope...Miss you

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Hi Shell

I can't believe its a year already. My moms birthday is 3/21 and I am dreding that date almost as much as you are probably. I guess its doesn't get easier the more time goes by. I thought it did, but it seems to come in cycles huh.

I hope you get through the day ok I will be thinking of you.

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Dear Shelly

My thouoghts are always with you because we have shared some of the same experiences with the "Vulture" type woman. My dad ended up marrying his vulture and dearly paid for it, but men sometimes are not the brightest creatures in the universe especially when they lose their spouse. Hang in there girl, it will get better some day. Try and not let it get to you too much. I am always here if you need to vent, please PM me at any time.

Bess B

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Keeping you in my thoughts as you pass the one-year mark since your mom died. My loss is fairly new (almost a month) with my dad, but you're right about feeling their presence. My family feels like we have a "direct line" to heaven now and a new guardian angel. There have been things happen in each of our lives that my dad could only have known or helped with. Remember the wonderful memories and the photo albums sound like a great idea! Your mom is always with you!

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It sure is good to come here and feel the love of my friends after all this time. :D

I did make it though the day but I wish that I hadn't put such high expectations on it because when you do that you are setting yourself up for failure. I had quiet a few tears especially towards the latter part of the day. My mom's best friend who is traveling with the same group my dad is with called me in the morning to wish me well and tell me how much she loved me.

Sunday I went to church and took a good look around at all of my friends who I had negelected for the past year due to all of my personal pain. I decided that one year is enough for me to keep a distance from all of those who I love. I called one of my friends who I used to walk with this morning and asked her if she would go on a walk with me. She said that she would love too. I think that I might be looking for "comfort" but I am taking a renewed interest in quilting. I have been negelecting the things that help me to feel like I am alive. For me personally, I need to work at nutureing my creative talents, the ones the enlighten my spirit. About a month ago I got a JOB. I have not worked where I get a paycheck for alomost 20 years. It feels good to be needed and out around other people. The job I am doing is that of a jewelery rep and I love it.

The reason why I am sharing all of this with you is that I am just a little ahead of some of the members here with losing my mom just last March. I want to share with my friends anything I can that might have the potential to help in someway. At church on Sunday in our gospel doctorine class our teacher gave an example of losing someone suddenly. He said just imagine that these doors were locked and within one hour we all just disappeared forever. In front of you you have some paper and a pen, use this hour to write letters to those you leave behind. He gave us just a few minutes to think about that then we discussed it. I first thought of what I would have liked to have heard from my mom before she died. I would have liked to have had her tell me that she loved me and that she was proud of me and what I have become. I would have liked to heard her tell me that she was sorry that she wasn't ever ready to quit smoking. Then I thought about the letters I would want to leave my loved ones and they would say that I love them and that I am very proud of them. I would tell them to live happy and full lives. I would tell my children to choose their spouses very carefully and to look for qualities that will stand the test of time. I would want to tell my children to look for Gods hand in all things and even when we don't understand why not to lose faith. I would want them to know that they must hold on and the LIGHT WILL come.

I pray every night that there will come a cure to this dreadful disease. At one year the pain has not gone away...it has only been made a kinder, more gentile ache.


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